


How We Met: A Tinder Story (Larry Stylinson.)

by larry_love23



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Body insecurity, Bottom Harry, Boys In Love, BoyxBoy, Chaptered, College, College Relationship, College Student, Eating Disorder, Emotional Roller Coaster, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy, Happy Ending, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Modern Romance, One Direction Imagines, Online Dating, Romance, Sassy Louis, Tinder, Top Louis, alternative universe, fan fiction, larrystylinson, long distance, mental health, modern fairytale, tinderromance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 08:11:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 80,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15190559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larry_love23/pseuds/larry_love23
Summary: Harry and Louis are college students who live in different states but meet over Tinder. Given the distance, it seems impossible that they will ever meet in person. But what happens if they actually do?Highest rankings on Wattpad:#1 in #College Student#3 in #LongDistance#18 in #ModernFairyTale#33 in #LouisAndHarry#123 in #MentalHealth





	1. Matching

Harry's POV

"Fuck."

It's 12:49 and I have class at 1pm across campus. The last thing I want to do is speed walk across the green, but if I don't hurry now, I'll end up getting stuck sitting in the seat next to the professor. Great.

Sighing, I slide out of bed and try to smooth out the wrinkles on my flannel top. I can never seem to get them out.

I look in the mirror and run a hand over my face as I grab my keys. My green eyes have purple circles under them, and my long, brown curls are a bit matted in the back. I used to take better care of myself, but these days it was getting hard to even leave my room.

12:51. Fuck.

I hate being tall. I always feel awkward and gangly, especially when I hang out with my shorter friends. But my long legs do come in handy when I'm in a hurry, and I manage to make it to the Spanish building by 12:59.

Rushing inside, I take the last empty seat away from the professor. We're doing a round table discussion, and my stomach is already churning at the thought of having to speak. I did the reading - in fact, I even researched the author and looked up historical context. But I'm one of the only non-native speakers in the class and my accent always keeps me from participating.

"Hola, ustedes. ¿Qué tal?" The professor asks, walking in with a pile of papers. "¿Listos para la discusión. ¿Sí? ¿Y tú, Harry, pareces cansado."

My face instantly turns a bright shade of red when he calls my name. I look tired, he said. Fuck, did I really look that bad? I slink lower in my seat, my long legs colliding with the girl next to me, and quickly recoil, sitting upright. I can't shake the feeling of wanting to run out of the classroom. Only one minute has passed and I feel like I've been here for hours.

The professor begins the discussion with a brief overview of the historical context, which I've already done. Early 1900s, Spain. Set in Andalucía. Nothing new to me.

Discreetly, I pull out of my phone and look down at it in my lap. No one has texted me. Surprise, surprise. No new emails either. Sighing, I go to put it away, but I see a tiny red notification flashing on my phone. It's Tinder.

Don't ask me why I'm still on tinder. I've been on more dates than I can count on two hands, and all of them have been horrific, to say the least. One guy lied about his age, another used false photos. My favorite was the actual drug dealer who took me to his trap house. I guess I have bad taste in men, or maybe I just don't know to read people. Either way, it's been a wild experience.

I bite my lip, unsure if I should open the message. But returning to the sound of The professors droning voice doesn't appeal to me, so I click on the notification. New match: Louis, 23.

Louis. I remember swiping on him when I was in Chicago for the weekend. But now I'm back in New York at my uni. Why did he take so long to match with me? I'm way too far away now for anything to happen.

I roll my eyes, ready to shove my phone back in my pocket. But Louis' profile catches my eye. He has these bright blue eyes that nearly match the background of the bright blue sky in his photo. And his beard and mustache give him an edgy masculine look, especially coupled with his smoothed back, chestnut hair.

I crack a small smile. He is rather cute. "Grad student at NYU. I study chemistry. Let's see if we actually have some." A snort escapes my lips and I instantly cover my mouth. But it's too late - the girl next to me gives me an odd stare. Screw her. She's one of those petty people who speaks Spanish with a lisp.

I continue to scroll through Lou's profile. A photo of him on the beach somewhere, wearing a tight fitting tank top that accentuates his muscular frame. A selfie of him in the snow, his blue eyes gleaming against the white back drop. His nose is tiny and curved, making him look both sexy and adorable at once.

Another photo reveals louis in the laboratory, making a dorky smile at the camera as he holds a pipette. And the last one shows him in a button down and skinny jeans, a snarky smile spreading across his lips.

Oh and There's one thing I forgot to mention about Louis. In all of his photos, he's wearing black, thick rimmed hipster glasses. For some it may have taken away from the look, but for him, it only adds to it, accentuating his eyes and giving his style a bit of an edge.

So sexy.

Okay. At this point, the professor is asking the class discussion questions, and I seriously have to put my phone away. But suddenly, I receive another notification. It's a message from Louis.

"Is it possible to Netflix without doing anything?"

I stare at the message. What the fuck? I blink a few times before it hits me. He's referring to my bio, where I wrote "Netflix and nothing." Instead of the infamous Netflix and chill. Lovely.

"Probably not," I reply. I don't know why I do. He's thousands of miles away. It's not like I'll ever meet him. But he is cute, and I do need someone to talk to. So why not?

"Harry, no has votado," the professor calls. I didn't vote for what? What were we voting about? It's a fucking work of literature.

"¿Piensas que Antonio murió o no?"

I shake my head. Antonio didn't fucking die. It was just a metaphor, wasn't it? My head was hurting already just thinking about the next hour ahead of me.

Class continues and I end up shoving my phone in my backpack. It's too much of a distraction, and I don't need to be called out for a second time.

When class ends, I start to rush out, but someone catches my arm.

"Hey, did you catch what he said for the homework?" A voice asks.

I turn around to find my classmate Niall behind me, his blonde hair tussled and falling into his eyes.

"What. Oh, he said to write a reflection on two poems of your choice. How they relate. 3 pages single spaced," I say robotically. I avoid eye contact, blushing a little. No one ever speaks to me in class, let alone after.

"Thanks mate," Niall says, giving me a friendly pat on the back. "My Spanish skills are kind of rusty still. But this class looked fun. Are you a major or is this an elective for you?"

We are walking together side by side now, our of the building and towards the green.

I feel uncomfortable because I don't know where Niall is going, but if I don't follow him, the conversation will end abruptly and it'll be super awkward.

"I'm a Spanish major, yeah. Junior," I tell him quietly.

"Awesome. I'm economics. Also a junior," Niall replies, smiling. He seemed friendly, but all I can think is: Why is he being so nice to me?

"Where are you headed?" I ask, nearly stumbling as I follow Niall, who abruptly turns left.

"To the caf. For lunch," he replies. "What did you think of the poem?"

"Oh it was super odd," I answer, laughing. "Like the guy was being so dramatic over this girl he barely knows. I was like boy, sit your ass down."

Niall stops walking for a second, turning towards me and crossing his arms. "So the quiet lad has some jokes?" He observes, raising an eyebrow.

"A couple," I laugh, nervously. "Soy cómico cuando quiero ser." Im funny when I went to be.

"Oy," Niall giggles. "Espero que el profe fuera cómico. Es tan aburrido."

"Ya," I reply, laughing. Our professor is super boring.

"Wanna grab lunch wirh me? I have class in a half hour, but we can chat a bit?" Niall asks as we reached the caf.

"Sure," I reply, heading inside. I haven't gotten lunch with anyone in ages, let alone a classmate. I sort of forgot what it was like to hangout with people. But Niall is so nice. He seems understanding, even despite my awkward giraffe aesthetic.

"Cool," Niall says, getting into the queque. "So what did you think of that girl Jenny's rant?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Louis' POV

Another morning, another boring day. I wake up and rolls out of bed, removing my boxers and wrapping a towel around my waist. 10am isn't early to most people, but I'm a night owl and prefer to stay up until the wee hours of the morning. This class is already killing my vibe.

Still half asleep, I head into the bathroom and start the hot water. When it's warm enough, I get in and grab my loofah, massaging axe body wash onto my body. The relaxing sensation and cleansing water are the perfect way to start my day. Fuck anyone who takes showers at night. They're crazy.

After shampooing, I hope out, toweling off and looking at my face in the mirror. My beard has grown in thicker than I like to keep it, but I figure I can go a few more days without shaving. Im Not in the mood to do it now.

I return to my room, grabbing black joggers and a tight fitting grey T-shirt. Some of my friends make fun of my look, but I prefer comfort over fashion. Plus I live at the gym, anyways, so wearing athletic clothes just makes it easier.

Grabbing a protein bar and my backpack, I head out the door and to the bus, beginning my trek to the lab for my first class of the day.

The class goes by pretty fast, as we're just checking on specimens we already cultured last week. It only takes about an hour and a half instead of two, so I'm able to stop at Starbucks for a large cold brew before my next class. Caffeine is probably my worst addiction. But hey, I'm British. Tea and coffee make up most of my bodily fluids.

My second class is a load of bullshit. The professor has a heavy accent - Russian or something like that- And I can't understand anything he's saying. The PowerPoints also have super small font, and it's hard to see, even with my new prescription.

I decide to just fuck it and play on my phone for the rest of class. It's almost over anyways.

I skim through a few emails and text message, but don't find anything that appeals to me. One is from my roommate Liam asking me if I fed the cat. What kind of question is that? Of course I fed Simba. He's my fucking favorite.

After texting Liam a quick reply ("duh"), I open up Tinder and begin to swipe. I've been on there a lot lately, and it's sort of becoming addicting.

Tinder has a bad rep. But I'm kind of running out of options. It's my last year of school, and I still haven't met anyone I made a lasting connection with. I just wanted to find a guy and settle down, or at least get coffee with him. But that seemed like too much to ask, according to the handful of dicks I had met up with so far. All they ever wanted was a one night stand. Or they wanted a relationship, but had the personality of a pebble. Typical.

I swipe through a couple of profiles before coming across anything even remotely decent. I see my TA on there, in a saucy shirtless picture, and chuckled to myself. He is definitely attractive, but I'm not interested in a 30 year old. So I keep looking, eventually coming across someone pretty attractive.

Harry, 21.

He looks cute in his first pic, but it isn't the best quality. It's just a selfie of him on the train, giving the camera a small smile. I keep scrolling to see more, and the second photo immediately catches my eye. I hadn't noticed in the first picture, but in the second photo he has the big, bright green eyes and a smile to die for. His long curly hair is pulled back in a pony tail and his tongue is sticking out of his mouth a little. He is gorgeous.

I scroll through a few more pictures, quickly realizing he has a very nice body. Long, lean legs and a defined torso. I immediately swipe right, not even reading his bio.

"That's a Match!"

I feel a hint of excitement when I see the notification flash on my phone. But my face falls when I notice his location, which is now university of Chicago, where he goes to school. His profile must have only been set to New York for the weekend.

Fuck.

I debate if I should still message him or not. After all, he is super far away. But he is so beautiful, and I figure it might worth a shot to st Least chat with him. I have nothing to lose.

I browse through his bio, which is pretty empty. There are no interests or hobbies. Only one line: "Netflix and nothing." I cocked an eyebrow. Not the hooking up type, huh?

Thumbs flying, I text him a message: "is it possible to Netflix without doing anything?"

It isn't the best message but it's all I could come up with, given I knew zero about him. Who knew if this green eyed creature would even answer?

We'd just have to see.


	2. Messaging

Harry's POV

I'm sitting in the library doing homework, but I can't help but stop and check my phone every 30 seconds in the hopes that I got a new message.

Disappointed in myself, I sigh and check for the fourth time, biting my lip when I see that I still haven't gotten a reply. Maybe this louis guy just isn't interested. He is so far away anyways.

But a few minutes later, I do get a message from Louis, and it's flirtier than I expected.

"That's what I thought. I like your eyes by the way."

He liked my eyes? Well everybody liked my eyes. They're big and green and that's rare, so people find them attractive.

But even though I've heard it dozens of times before, it feels more special coming from Louis for some reason. More intimate. More personal.

I know I should wait to reply back, but I'm inpatient. Who cares what he thinks of me, right? We're just talking.

Me: "Thanks. I like yours too. Nice and blue. And your beard."

I love facial hair on a guy. I truly do.

Louis: "Haha. Well thank you. What are you up to? It's Friday :)"

I frown. It's Friday and I don't have plans... because, well, when do I ever have plans? It's just a consequence of the loner lifestyle.

Me: "Nothing. Just gonna do homework and watch TV. I'm pretty boring."

Louis: "not boring, just practical. I'm going to the homecoming game with some old friends. Gonna get pretty drunk! Haha."

Me: "Cool."

We can just end the conversation there right? I'm a loser, he's a social butterfly. There's no way this would ever work. But Louis continues.

Louis: "you sound a little bitter if you don't mind me asking...?"

Me: "I am. That's just my persona. I'm a super bitter and sarcastic person. Probably why I have no friends."

I cringe. Too much?

Louis: "Hmm. Well, I used to be quite like that. I was sort of a lone wolf my second year of uni."

Me: "Really? I mean yeah I'm third year but I guess my friendships faded out... Dunno.."

Louis: "Well don't beat yourself up about it. Happens to the best of us."

Me: "thanks. That's actually pretty nice. Most of the men I talk to on here are assholes..."

What? It's the truth.

Louis: "Haha. How so?"

My thumbs can't text fast enough.

Me: "There we're guys who were like aggressively physical before. Not fun. Another one was a dealer. Another lied about his age - was only 17, a minor. And another, I dated for a while and he ended up never saying "I never liked you, you were just a good Fuck" and never talking to me again."

Wow. That was definitely too much information. But I needed to get that off my chest. I also didn't really care what this louis character thought about me. Sure he was cute, and he gave me a near heart attack every time he responded. But he wasn't real - he wasn't someone I would see on the street tomorrow. It was like messaging with a sexy robot.

Louis: "wow, that's rough. I mean I've had bad experiences too. One girl ended up leaving mid date immediately after she finished her food. And one guy invited me over and was already naked."

Me: "Okay that naked guy might have my dates beat."

Louis: "he might. lol."

Fuck. He's shutting down! What do I say to that?

Me: "so what do you study?"

Ugh. Boring.

Louis: "biochemistry. Kinda a nerd, lol. You?"

Me: "Spanish. Don't even ask. I know it's dumb."

Louis: "not as dumb as some majors. But yeah it might be tough to find a job. I speak German. I'm British, but I grew up in Germany and then moved to the states."

Me: "that's so cool. I'm British and moved to the states for uni."

Louis: "European power!"

Me: "haha yes. Well you need to tone it down. It's nazi power for you."

Louis: "Fuck. Harry."

He said my name. Albeit over text. But he said it.

Me: "Haha. Sorry bout it."

Louis: "our names rhyme by the way."

Me: "Wait, what? Am I brain dead?"

Louis: "it's pronounced Lou-ee? It's not Louissss. I forgot most people read it that way."

Lou-ee. That's so fucking adorable.

Me: "oh cool. Would never have guessed that. So what do you do for fun?"

Louis: "gym. Love the gym."

Me: "ah, no way me too. I like lifting weights. I mean, my body doesn't really show it, but I go all the time. Blows off steam."

Louis: "no way. I've been lifting for years. I just did legs yesterday and am slowly dying from deadlifts."

Me: "ouch. That sucks man I'll pray for you. Hopefully no stairs."

Louis: "I live on the fourth floor with no elevator 


	3. Snapping

Harry's POV

I seriously can't believe he answered my snap. Fuck.

Not only did he answer it but he answered it doing the same exact thing that I was doing: pooping.

I stared at the photo in awe, unsure where to go next. My plan with Louis was to self sabotage and show him my weird, damaged side so he would back off. I was starting to warm up to him and I knew if I developed feelings it would only hurt in the end when we both realized the distance was too far.

My plan had been to scare him off. But instead, I had done the bloody opposite. Wonderful.

Staring at my phone, I sighed and bit my lip. I had no choice but to answer. It was my turn anyways.

I'm done pooping at this point, so I exit the bathroom and send Louis a selfie from a high angle, making sure to feature my green eyes prominently.

"Wow, were synched up" I reply, adding a laughing emoji.

Louis opens my message almost immediately.

"Poop synched!" He sends back, showing a selfie of him, this time not in the bathroom, but in the locker room. It's a mirror selfie, and he's wearing shorts and a tank top, his muscles bulging against the fabric. He's flexing his bicep a little and I feel my crotch start to tingle. He's so fit.

Poop synched. That's hilarious. It seems like Louis is just as weird as I am — if not weirder. Who knew?

Well, if poop isn't enough to scare him away, I guess I have to try a bit harder then. I suppose he won't be able to handle what I send him next.

Grabbing my keys, I begin to head down the hall and out the front door. I have another class at this point. It's a night class, for intro to art. As I walk outside, I begin to video myself over snap chat.It's something I do often with my friend Zack from back home. Just send silly videos of myself walking across campus and ranting about life.

But Zack is a close friend and Louis is a stranger. There's no way he'll want to be with me after this.

"So I'm out here, walking to class. It's a fucking gloomy evening," I say into the camera, staring into it shyly as I walk. I take an apple out of my bag and start to crunch on it.

"Fucking good apple," I say, not really sure what I'm going to do next. But just being myself is weird enough isn't?

I try for a few seconds to come up with something funny, but I completely draw a blank and end up just staring wordlessly into the camera. Fuck. Sighing, i delete the video. I'll have to try again.

"So I'm on my way to class. I just ate this apple," I say, showing the core to the camera.

"Not really sure what to do with it, as there's no trash nearby."

I begin to look around, but there's nothing, so I toss the apple into the bushes, catching it on camera as I do so.

"Well woops! the apple is now in the grass.... it's biodegradable though. If only they had a fucking bin...." i ramble.

I literally throw my fruit on the ground all the time. Sometimes I almost hit people with it. It's hilarious.

"Okay. Bye!" I chirp, ending the snap.

Without replaying, I send it to him. There's no way he's gonna be interested in my fruit throwing weirdo side. No way.

Then, I start to hurry to class, opening Spotify and putting in earbuds to avoid the world around me.

***********************   
I almost drop my phone when I see that Harry has sent me a video. I'm on the shuttle back to my dorm, but I put the sound up anyways as I'm out of replays and I want to catch what he says.

His voice is deeper than I expected, and his chestnut curls are falling into his eyes a little as he walks.

He seems to be just recording himself but then out of nowhere he throws an apple for no reason, and I can't help but burst out laughing. Who the fuck is this guy? First the poop selfie now this. My stomach is aching from laughing so much — he's basically given me an ab workout.

I can't get over how adorable Harry is. Just seeing the video sort of makes me wish I could talk to him — meet him in person, right this instant. He's clearly an odd ball, but I'm an odd ball too and I love that he's not afraid to be weird with me. It takes courage to truly be yourself in front of a stranger.

Eventually the bus pulls up in front of my apartment complex, and I hop out, jogging to the front door. Call me a giddy school girl, but I can't wait to get inside so I can send him a reply.

My roommate Liam isn't home, or if he is, he's in the bathroom or somewhere out of sight, so I plop down on the couch in the living room and begin to record.

"Hi Harry. I'm kind of wondering why you felt the need to throw fruit," I begin, sort of looking away from the camera. I want to get a good shot of my jawline and beard — I've been told those are my best features.

"But it was really adorable and funny," I continue. "But ah, okay, have fun in class, you goofball."

Stripping off my clothes, I leave my phone on the couch and change into pajama pants. I won't be going outside anymore today. I'm just going to whip up and dinner - a steak of course- and finish up some reading.

I begin to boil some water for the potatoes, a perfect side dish for steak, and then prepare the steak with some seasoning and place it in the pan. My glasses start fogging up from the heat from the frying pan, and I almost trip and fall when Liam comes up behind me.

"Fuck, Liam. You know I'm blind without my glasses!" I yell, cleaning them off.

Liam laughs, slapping my back gently. His soft brown eyes lock with mine, and I shoot him a dirty look, waving his hands away.

"Sorry to scare you mate. That just smells so good. Do you mind making another?" He asks.

I raise an eyebrow. This is the fourth time this week I'm coincidentally cooking for the both of us. 

"Okay," I reply, crossing my arms over my chest. "But you're cooking tomorrow."

"Yay!" Liam said. "Thank you lou. I would cook, but your cooking is way better."

He saunters back to his room, and I roll my eyes at his back. Maybe I should start cooking more poorly...

As I wait for my food to cook, I head back to the couch and grab my phone.

Harry sent me a text response over snap chat.

Harry: "I am the king of apple throwing. And banana throwing. Also lol nice video I like your voice. Way higher pitch than I expected."

Oh shit. Mg biggest insecurity.

Me: "very funny. My voice is the worst, I know. So squeaky and high pitched. I sound like a mouse. And ohh what a hobby!"  
Me: "I kinda wanted to throw a wait at this guy in the gym but decided against it. Maybe I'll throw an apple next time."

Harry: "not the worst! I quite like it. It's different, unique. Mine is just a deep baritone and I always sound like I'm bored even when I'm excited."   
Harry: "how big was the weight? I'm sure it would've been okay."

Me: "haha.... 50 pounds. I was doing curls..."

A humble brag.

Me: "Hmm. Well maybe you are bored with everything."

Harry: "maybe I am. I'm bored of always being alone. My friends here suck. Except this one guy I met in class recently."   
Harry: "50 pounds. Damn."

Me: "Oh no. How do thy suck? Also, ohh a new boy toy?"

Harry: "no. Niall is straight AF. Ha. Even if he wasn't I wouldn't go after someone in my class. That's social suicide."   
Harry: "they always ditch and bail. I celebrated my birthday alone."

I stop texting for a moment, thinking of Harry being all alone and upset on his birthday. What monsters. He deserves a huge celebration - or two - with balloons and cake and music.

Me: "Thats awful. I'm sorry about that. Well can celebrate your birthday over thanksgiving break! I'll be in New York then visiting family :)"

Too much? Too soon? Fuck. I don't know why I feel so connected to this guy... we've only been talking for a few hours but I feel like he already knows me, and I know him.

Me: "it is social suicide. I slept with my TA once in undergrad. Don't recommend it. It got me an A thought."

Harry: "hilarious, Lou. Do you like lou? Or Louis?"

Harry: "also, there's no way we'll ever meet! That's crazy talk."

Ouch. Not interested.

Me: "Lou or Louis is fine. I go by both."   
Me: "oh Okay, I mean if you're not interested, I understand. But I'd love to take you on a date."

Harry doesn't reply.

Fuck.

I head back to my steak, which is just about finished. The potatoes got a bit burnt while I was enthralled in my conversation with Harry, but I like them crunchy. And maybe this will get Liam to stop mooching off my cooking.

I set the table, placing a steak on each plate and sprinkling a bit of sea salt on each one. Then I placedthe potatoes on the side, drizzling them in some olive oil. Perfect.

I check my phone again, and this time harry has responded.

Harry: "very funny. You want to go on a date with poop selfie boy?"

Me: "I would love to go on a date with poop selfie boy."

Harry: "don't expect me to me normal."

Me: "don't expect me to be normal either!"

Harry: "Okay. Fair enough."

It is fair, isn't it? Because I am not normal, not even relatively so. And neither is he. That's what I like about him, this Harry guy. That's what I really fucking like.


	4. Connecting

Harry's POV 

After I texted Louis, I ended up having to put my phone down because the my professor was welcoming a guest into the room -- and not just any guest. A naked guest. It was a nude model, who was here for us to draw and sketch.

Holy fuck.

The entire rest of the class had gotten the memo -- either that or they were just extremely mature. But I certainly wasn't, and I had to cover my mouth to prevent myself from bursting out laughing over this dude's dick, which was dangling right in front of me. 

About an hour and a few saucy sketches later, class was over, and I packed up my art supplies and headed out. 

As soon as I stepped outside, I instantly began to open Snap Chat to text Louis all about it. But a text message from Niall caught my attention. 

"Hey mate! There's a kickback this weekend at my house tomorrow, if you wanna join. I thought I'd text you in case I forget to ask in Spanish."

Wow. That was nice of him. I hadn't hung out with anyone in ages. I texted him a quick 'sure that would be great!' before returning my attention to Snap Chat, where Louis had sent me a variety of messages. 

They were mostly selfies, and I clicked through, giggling like a child at the photos of him with his tongue stuck out and his eyes crossed. One of them was him holding up his homework, and pretending to be passed out with a knife emoji sticking out of his neck. Another one featured tiny blue doodles streaming down his cheeks with the caption 'when Harry doesn't text you back.'

I felt my heart beat a little faster when I read that. The fact that he cares whether he gets a text back from me or not -- it's just jarring. We hardly know each other, yet I can't stop thinking about him. 

I send back a selfie, nearly blinding myself by using the flash. But without it, it was too dark. And I wasn't going to keep Louis waiting any longer. 

"There was a nude model in our art class today!!" I type over the messenger feature. 

Louis answers almost instantly. 

Louis: There you are!

Louis: Did you see his *eggplant emoji*

Me: Yes and his *peach emoji*

Louis: Ahhh, no way. Harry! 

Me: Idk how no one else was laughing.... it was seriously insane! 

Louis: I woulda laughed for sure. Wow. Show me your drawings.

Me: No way!! 

Louis stops responding for a second and my face falls. With each message he sends, I get a rush of excitement -- it's like my dopamine levels spike every time I hear from him.

A snap appears and I open it, to find a doodle that Louis created of a naked stick figure man with a dick the size of his head. Cum is exploding everywhere in little white flurries. 

I stop in the middle of the street and laugh out loud. This Louis guy is so fucking ridiculous. And I fucking love it. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Louis' POV

Harry and I have been talking every day nonstop for almost a week now. I wake up and I text him good morning, I go to sleep and I text him good night. We've even given each other pet names -- I'm Lusty Lou and he's Horny Harry. A few shirtless photos were exchanged. My favorite was the one of him biting his shirt to hold it up, revealing a huge butterfly tattoo beneath his chest. 

To say things are starting to speed up would be an understatement. Harry and I have shared so much with each other that we could probably write biographies for each other. I guess that's what happens when you never stop talking to someone. 

Harry, for example, is from Cheshire, England. He has an older sister and he was always shy in school as a kid -- way too shy to come out. He didn't even ever end up formally coming out as bi. He just went to uni, and figured he'd tell his parents when it came up. He slept with a few girls, but never men. He made out with a few, but never hooked up with one. And based on what he told me, he was curious as hell about it.

Anyways, on a more intellectual level, when Harry first got to uni, he wanted to study science. But he did that for a year and bloody hated it. Especially chemistry and maths. But he didn't know what to do, so he asked his advisor. She told him to find his passion - what he liked.

He told her the only thing he liked was his Spanish class, and she said to keep going with it. His Spanish wasn't that good - he didn't expect to become a major. But now he is one - and it seems like he feels a little insecure about it.

He seems a little insecure about everything, honestly. In his friendships, in his place in the family. In his classes. I feel bad for him because I've been there too -- and sometimes I still am. I try to give him little jolts of confidence, telling him he looks cute or that he's smart and will ace his exams. 

The other day, he was super nervous for a party he was going to, and he showed me his outfit. Black skinny jeans with a white button down and chelsea boots. 

"Sexy Styles" I typed, sending him a selfie of me biting my lip.

"Thanks, but you're sexier, Tomlinson," he replied, mocking my facial expression. 

It was things like that that made me warm inside. Because Harry was more than just a Tinder guy -- he was, my guy. And I know that sounds crazy to say after just one week, but the connection was fucking incredible. 

He loved going to the gym, he had a great sense of humor, and he was weird- so fucking weird just like me. He didn't care when I was overly sexual or vulgar -- in fact, he liked it. And when I made absurd jokes that wouldn't land with anyone else, he would come back with an even crazier one. 

That's why tonight, as I lie in bed, I can't stop my fingers from flying across the screen. It's 2am and I have class at 9 tomorrow, but I don't even care. I'm hardly tired. 

Harry: Anyways, I remember at Niall's this girl Melissa from freshman year came to the party. And I have beef with her bc she reported me for depression and got me sent to therapy. So I signalled to Niall to meet me in the hall and we hid from her the whole party, and eventually she left! 

Me: Wow. That's crazy, Harry. I can just picture you like hiding out on a balcony with binoculars waiting until she was gone. 

Harry: Basically! I kept peaking haha. I'm awful. 

Me: Awfully sexy ;)

Harry: Haha. Not right now. My hair's a wreck and I'm in PJs and dead tired. 

Me: Bet you look cute still. 

Harry: Someone's thirsty! 

Me: I just drank gatorade, thank you very much. You're the one who needs to hydrate, Horny Harold. 

Harry: Oh fuck off, wanker. Tomlinson, you're thirstier than someone stranded in the dessert. 

Me: Ouch. Don't flatter yourself, Harry. 

Harry: I'm not. You'd go for anyone. 

Me: If anyone is you, sure. 

Harry: Ha. Ha. Ha. 

Me: Ha ha harold loves the Jonas Brothers. 

Harry: You're not wrong. 

Me: Okay, fine. Burnin' up is a classic. Let's be real. 

Harry: I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for.... your anus.

Me: Walk in the room, all I see is....poo. 

Harry: Staring me down, I know you feel the lube. 

Me: HAROLD. Big talk for a virgin. 

Harry: Who says I don't watch porn?

Me: Well, I never! 

Harry: It's natural, father. 

Me: Are you calling me daddy?

Harry: Yes. 

Harry: No.

Harry: I don't even know. It's 2:30 I'm so sleepy.

Harry: But also so hungry.

Louis: You should eat. It was leg day. 

Harry: No way, night eating is bad. 

Louis: Eh. Not really. Why are you concerned? Do you think your fridge turns into a monster at night?

Harry: No, but calories do.

Louis: LOL

Harry: I am just gonna have some pretzels. 

Louis: Pretzels are so bland 

Harry: So is your sister's arsehole. 

Louis: WOAH. That took a turn. Leave her out of this. 

Harry: Sowwy

Louis: Seriously, Haz, you're so funny. I really connect with you.

Harry: CONNECT FOUR! You win.

Louis: Guess the feeling isn't mutual LOL RIP. 

Harry: No, no. I'm JK. I connect with you too, Lou. Haven't smiled this much in ages. You make my day better. 

Louis: Weird how we met over Tinder. I feel like I know you IRL.

Harry: Me too. Like we've met before. Ah. I bet you're so hot in person. 

Louis: The human equivalent of the sun.

Harry: CONCEIT!

Harry: I spy a fuckboy! 

Louis: I know. I'm talking to him.

Harry: Only a fuckboy would say that.

Louis: Haaa. Ok you got me. What is a fuckboy anyways?

Harry: Fuckboy. Noun. See Louis Tomlinson. 

Louis: Sexyboy. Noun. See Harry Styles. 

Harry: FLATTERED.

Louis: ur welcome <3

Harry: A heart? Emotion I sense?

Louis: Slow down there Yoda. 

Louis: But yes, fuckboys have feelings too. 

Harry: THis is a new discovery to me! 

Louis: Yeah, don't tell anyone. We're in the preliminary stages of scientific studies but proof exists. I felt something wet come from my eye yesterday. What's it called? A tare? 

Harry: OMG. 

Harry: ITS 3AM BUT I CANT STOP TALKING TO U 

Louis: Call me heroine. BC im addicting 

Harry: That's not funny my best friend died from a heroine overdose

Louis: Oh wow. I'm so sorry. Really?

Harry: NO but he could've. GOSH LOUIS. 

Harry: IF anything you would be cocaine because you're talkimg over my brainnnnnnnnn

Harry: I need to sleep. Eyes shutting. 

Harry: but u are my favorite fuckboy. hope ur happy

ME: Oh I am. So very happy. So very very happy. 

Me: Night, Harold. 

I instantly fall asleep.


	5. Facetiming

Harry's POV

Louis and I have been talking for three weeks when he calls me for the first time.

I've asked him to FaceTime so many times before but he always said no.

"We'll talk when you see me, Harold!" He would always text me.

"Why Not now?" I would whine.

"Because! It'll make it more special. Trust me!"

I would always roll my eyes at that. It would make it more special, but i wanted things to be special now. I wanted to talk to him face to face now. I couldn't wait until Thanksgiving.

Speaking of thanksgiving, we actually had a date planned by the way. November 27th. I told Louis a million times we would never end up meeting in person, but when he showed me his plane tickets to NYC to visit his hand for the holidays, I started to feel like it might actually happen.

"Well. I mean it's a busy time. You'll be doing family stuff. I doubt you'll have time for me," I told him. Part of me wanted to say 'HOLY FUCK LOUIS COME OVER AS SOON AS YOU LAND. I WILL PICK U UP FROM THE AIRPORT!' But another part of me was scared of getting my hopes up and my feelings hurt. So I played hard to get.

"Well, I'll be busy but I'm free on that Friday. Are you?" He asked.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Yeah, i think I will be," I replied. My parents were visiting New York for the long weekend, but I could spare a few hours for Louis. I could spare more than a few hours....

"Awesome! Then I'll make a reservation. I have a place in mind," he typed instantly.

FUCKKKKKK. MY HEART. HES MAKING. A. RESERVATION. FOR. US.

Less than a minute later, he sent me a screen shot of the reservation: 3pm Friday November 27th @ Max Brenners in Union Square.

I knew that place. Students always got dessert there and took these extravagant food porn videos for Instagram of them dipping fruit into chocolate or eating a chocolate crepe. I had always wanted to go, but never had anyone to go with. How had he known?

Louis and I started texting really quickly after he proposed the date.

Me: omg i heard max brenner is so good!   
Louis: it is! I always go when I'm in NY   
Me: what do you get?   
louis: Chocolate pizza  
Me: wtf is that   
Louis: pizza with Nutella instead of sauce   
Me: *cums*   
Louis: don't cum on the date   
Me: wow   
Me: wouldn't that be a disappointing date then?   
Louis: true   
Louis: Ok cum, but for other reasons ;)   
Me: LOUIS   
Me: WILLIAM   
louis: i should never have told you my middle name  
Louis: Harold EDWARD   
Me: Fuck off   
Louis: excuse me I just offered to pay for your chocolate pizza   
Louis: offer revoked   
Me: *cries*   
Louis: aww poor baby   
Louis: ok fine I'll pay. But you owe me real pizza after   
Me: lol ok   
Me: Bulk SZN   
Louis: Lol. No way. I eat healthyyy   
Me: all Dick diet?   
Louis: yup   
Me: yikes   
Louis: keeps me healthy. Semen is protein   
Me: FUCK   
Louis: hehehe

That conversation happened a few days ago. On Wednesday. It's Friday now, and I'm in my room watching Netflix cuddled up under a blanket, while Louis is out at a party.

Im just about to fall asleep when I get a call. It's from Louis. And it's a FaceTime. Holy shit.

Im in my pajamas and my hair is all messy and uncombed. I don't look my best and I don't want Louis to see me like that, but at the same time I'm not going to pass up this opportunity to FaceTime with him.

So I answer it, turning on my desk lamp so he can see my face.

"Hiiiiii Harry," Louis giggles. He's walking - through a park or something, holding his camera at an odd angle below his face. "I know I said I wouldn't FaceTime you but... I'm drunk so...."

I laugh, taking in his sexy beard and bright blue eyes. He's wearing a hoodie and looks a bit cold. Poor baby.

"Ah! Hi Louis," I reply, smiling. "What's up?"

"I just got back from a partyyyyyy," he says, sitting down on a bench. "You know but I got bored and so I had my last drank and just came home."

"Ah. Was it fun?" I ask. "Where are you?"

He is sprawled across the bench like he owns it, holding the camera at a high angle and staring into it, unsmiling. I nearly laugh.

"Harry. I'm on a bench in the patio area of my apartment," he says, matter of factedly, like I was supposed to know where he was. "And it was fun. A lot of cute guys there. But I was only thinking of you."

I drop my phone. Fuck.

"Harry?" I hear him ask.

I rush to pick it up, laughing nervously. "Sorry!" I giggle. "That's sweet."

"Yeah, it's sweet," he mumbles, closing his eyes for a moment. "You're so cute, harry, you know that?"

I feel myself blush. I have never felt so fucking flattered. Like, i knew he found me attractive, but we always joked around when we flirted. He was never this direct.

"Thanks," I smile.

"Yeah," Louis says, smiling back. His eyes get all squinty and he looks adorable. "Yeah, and. I like you.... like. I never got this feeling before. You just make me smile. Harry."

Suddenly I need a drink too because damn this is just. TOO. MUCH. My heart can't take it.

"You make me smile too, Lou," I reply, shaking my camera with unsteady hands.

"I'm glad. You have a pretty smile," he giggles. He lowers his hand a bit, bringing the camera closer to his face. His button nose nearly presses against the screen.

"Youre my favorite," he whispers into the camera.

JESUSSSSSSSSSS. My mind is suddenly a war zone of euphoria and uncontainable excitement.

"You're my favorite too," I reply.

Lou POV

I wake up to my head pounding and my stomach swirling the next morning. It isn't until I reach for my phone that I remember what happened last night.

The party yeah. But afterwards - afterwards I drunk FaceTimed Harry. And holy shit I am so embarrassed now.

I open Snapchat to see if Harry's messaged me at all today. Holy shit.

Harry: hey Lou. Idk if you'll remember what you said to me last night but it was super adorable. Thank you :)

AHHHH. What did I say? Did I tell him I liked him? I definitely told him I liked him fuck.

I also broke my own rule of not FaceTiming him until after we met. So much for that.

Groaning, I hop out off bed, and run a hand over my body. I've been working out extra hard in preparation for meeting Harry in a few weeks - though he doesn't know that. I should probably go to the gym, but my head hurts and I'm too tired.

I head to the kitchen and grab a bottle of Gatorade from the fridge before heading back to my room to lie down.

"Yo, Fun night!" Liam says, nearly giving me a heart attack as he launches towards me with his hand extended for a high five.

"Ah, Yes," i mumble. "Hungover."

"Yeah, you drank a lot. Didn't get with anyone though at the party," he observes, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Im kinda into someone right now," I say quietly.

"Ohhh. Who is it?" Liam asks. He's making scrambled eggs - or at least trying to - and the burning smell makes me want to be sick.

"No one you'd know, Li," I reply. "But who knows, the way things are headed, you might meet him one day."

Liam rolls his eyes, returning to his charcoaled eggs, and I scamper back off into my room. Time to go back to bed.


	6. Feeling

Harry's POV

"Tough class," Niall groans, taking a seat next to me in the student cafe. We had just finished going over an Argentinian film without subtitles and neither of us had a clue as to what happened. Apparently, one of the characters had been a ghost the whole time.

"Ugh, I know," I reply, taking a bite of my turkey club. "The worst. I'm just gonna illegally download a version with subtitles next time. I can't follow a movie in a foreign language."

Niall laughs and nods in agreement. "For sure," he says. "So how are things going for you? Anything fun going on this semester?"

I shrug. Niall and I usually get lunch once a week after class. We're friendly, but not too close, and I havent felt comfortable enough yet to mention Louis to him. I was planning on just telling him after the actual date happened.But thanksgiving break is just a week and a half away and I couldn't wait any longer.

"Well, kinda," I say, taking a sip of my Coke. "There's this guy."

"Oh yeah?" Niall's blue eyes widen and he flashes me a smile. "Who is it?"

"No one you would know," I reply, my cheeks flushing fuchsia. "He's a tinder guy."

Niall's lips curve into a silly smile and he giggles. "Nothing wrong with that," he shrugs. "I've met my fair share of lasses on tinder."

"Really?" I ask raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, he's from Chicago though. I matched when I was on a trip there, and we ended up talking. I didn't plan to keep the conversation going because of the distance, but he was so charming and funny....."

I let myself trail off. I could talk about Louis for ages if I let myself. I'm sure Niall didn't wanna hear that.

"Sorry," I chuckle. "Too much info."

Niall shakes his head. "Nonsense!" He exclaims. "Go on. Tell me about him. What's his name? How is he charming?"

"Louis," I reply, sipping on my straw. Even saying his name is enough to make my heart speed up.

"He's a grad student. Studies bioengineering. He's smart and he loves working out and is super quirky and funny. We can just talk for hours going back and forth with jokes," I explain, smiling.

"Sounds like you really hit it off, lad!" Niall says, getting up to toss out his tray of food.

"Yeah," I reply. "Yeah we are. I'm meeting him in a week and a half. He'll be in New York to visit his aunt. We're going to max brenners."

"Fuck!!!" Niall shouts, nearly startling me as he returns to the table. "Max brenner? Mind if I crash?"

I stare at him, and then we both laugh, though I'm not entirely sure Niall was kidding.

"I've always want to go though, seriously," Niall continues, still giggling. "Let me know how it is!" 

"I will," I tell him, taking out my phone to check the time. I have a new notification - it's a snap of Louis at the gym, in a cute black shorts and white tank top combo. 'How's my Hazza?' Reads the caption.

"Here look," I say, waving Niall over. I press the replay button. "This is him."

"Wow," Niall says, studying the photo. "He's damn attractive. Very muscular and has a nice beard."

I roll my eyes at Niall, who is clearly straight. But he's right. Lou is damn attractive. Very damn attractive indeed.

I raise my arms, motioning for Niall to get in the selfie. Then I send it to Louis. "Even my straight friends think you're hot" I send with a laughing emoji.

Niall reads the caption and elbows me, but I laugh it off. The message has already been sent anyways.

"Is it weird though," I ask him, as we head outside. "That I think of him as mine... like my Louis. Even though we've never met before?"

Niall locks eyes with me, rubbing a hand over his stubbly face. "I mean it sounds a bit odd, but it's not impossible," he replies. "I think it's cute."

I nod in agreement, quickly opening my phone and running my thumb across the tinder app. Who would have thought that one little swipe could lead to such an intense connection?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lou's Pov

***Trigger warning: eating disorders****

There are only 5 days left until I meet Harry. Five fucking days.

I've hardly been able to focus all week. Just yesterday I broke a beaker in my lab because I was looking at my phone (which isn't even supposed to be in the lab anyways) and had to spend an extra two hours redoing the experiment. But when my phone flashes and I get that jittery feeling inside all I can think about is Harry's gorgeous green eyes and his pouty lips and his adorable nose and I just can't help myself. I have to open it.

As I stand by my bed, folding laundry, I look around at my outfit options for the big day. Most of my shirts are tight fitting, as I enjoy showing off my muscles. Some call it narcissism— and honestly, I don't have a comeback for that. It is narcissistic, but hey, I work out 10 hours a week and I'm damn proud of my progress.

I can't decide between my light grey V neck and my bright blue one. Naturally, I know I should go with the blue, as it'll make my eyes pop, but the grey one is one of my favorites, and has a cute little navy pocket on the front. I told them both and put them aside. I'll have to make that decision later.

Eventually I grow bored of doing my laundry, so I jump onto my bed, lounging on the pillow and scrolling through my phone. Harry gave me his Facebook ages ago, and sometimes I just sit and scroll through photos of him.

I know, I know. It's creepy. But when you like someone, you can't help but want to know everything about them. Rather than drugs, information is my gateway, and social media is my current vice.

I scroll through his profile photos, most of which are the same as the tinder photos. One is with his sister, Gemma, a petite girl with big brown eyes and a pretty smile. Another is him alone, taking a cheeky selfie in his dorm room, his dimples prominent and his eyes wide and flirty.

I keep scrolling, and then I get to the photo that I've been dreading. It's way deep in. Four years ago, high school. When I first saw it, I didn't even recognize it as Harry. I thought he had tagged someone else in the photo. But when I looked closer, it was him. Just different.

It was a photo of Harry and a few of his team mates at a track meet, in their uniforms. Harry stood on the end, and while his teammates were fit and muscular, Harry was rail thin - his skin straining against the bones in his legs and knees, his face was pale and sunken.

When I looked at his eyes, they weren't big and green, but grey and dull. Lifeless. And a part of me wanted to cry just from looking at the photo.

I never mentioned it to Harry though. I didn't want him to feel pressured to talk me about his illness, or whatever it was he had been going through. He mentions track team sometimes, saying how he will never run again due to injuries. I would always tell him "that's a shame, Curly, because you have giraffe legs." But that was before I saw the photo.

Now that I know what I know, maybe it's best that Harry doesn't run anymore. It was awful to see what It was doing to him. He's so much healthier now. So vibrant. He has muscles now, prominent pecs and quads.

I can tell he lacks body confidence though, sometimes. He always covers his stomach in his shirtless photos, placing his hand over his big butterfly tattoo. And he talks about weight a lot— saying he used to weigh less. It sort of makes sense now. But I try not to push him. He'll open up when he's ready.

Speaking of the devil, Harry interrupts my stalking session with a message.

Harry: hey boo   
Harry: pumped for meeting in 5days???   
Me: oh of course   
Me: hello Casper. R u a friendly ghost  
Harry: no im the kind of ghost who eats ur booty when u sleep   
Me: I feel like I would enjoy that   
Me: can I be awake for it  
Harry: no   
Me: ok   
Harry: just gymmed and tired af   
Me: tryna look good for Mr. Lou ;)   
Harry: oh u know it   
Me: same tho. I did a double workout today   
Harry: fuck. Someone wants it   
Me: you're not wrong   
Harry: HAHA  
Me: I broke a beaker in lab texting u. Had to redo the whole experiment   
Harry: CLUMSY LOUIS   
Harry: hehe actually sorry tho that sucks   
Me: it does. Worth it tho. That was a cute video   
Harry: the one of me tossing a banana at a bush?   
Me: thats the one Harold   
Harry: I should get a go pro and just show u my day   
Me: lmao u should omg   
Harry: give me 100$ and I will   
Me: it's a deal   
Harry: hahah. No way. I'm too awkward   
Me: you. Awkward. Noooo?   
Harry: what a comedian.  
Me: Im the next jack Whitehall   
Harry: more like jack white-fail   
Me: Rude   
Me: I feel attacked   
Harry: good   
Me: Im not coming to the date adiós meanie   
Harry: NOOOO.   
Harry: tienes que venir papiiiii Louis   
Me: I understand papi and Louis. I guess it means I'm hot   
Harry: no. But u are  
Me: thx bb   
Harry: yw papi Louis   
Me: stop making me blush papi Harry   
Harry: LOL   
Harry: siempre coqueteando   
Me: puta de madre   
Harry: LOUIS das a curse word   
Me: Ik ;) pendejo   
Harry: how do u only know curse words?   
Me: I only learn the words I find important. Like Joder and chingar jajaja   
Harry: wow  
Harry; u are something else   
Me: that I am Harold   
Harry: ok   
Harry: going to shower. Want a selfie ? ;)   
Me: YUS

The conversation ends and I receive a snap from Harry. I open it to find him sticking his head out of the shower curtain. He also drew a giant doodle of a penis next to where his waist would be. Lovely.

Giggling, I jump up and continue my laundry. It's gonna be a long fucking 5 days.

Authors note:

Hello! This is a really weird style of writing using texts and snap chat and all. How are you guys liking it? It's also based on a true story (my bf and I haha) so a lot of it is real. Can you guess which is me and which is Harry? Also... this story is probably gonna be short.... I may just end it after their first or second date and let the reader guess the rest. Does that sound good or would u want more info?


	7. Meeting

Harry's POV 

***Trigger warning: eating disorders.

I can't fucking believe I am going to meet Louis in two hours. All morning long as I got brunch with my parents, I was nothing but jittery, bouncing my leg rapidly and biting my nails out of anxiousness. 

"Harry is everything okay with you?" my mother asked, taking a bite of her omelette. "You look more anxious than you were during your first flight alone when you were 12." 

I steady my leg and fold my hands in my lap, smiling at her nervously. "Yeah, I'm fine," I say quickly. "Just feeling a little antsy I guess because I didn't work out today."

That seems to be an acceptable answer enough for her, and we continue the brunch. My parents ask me questions about uni and my classes, my experience at the newspaper. I ask them about home and work and Gemma. 

When they talk, I pretend I'm listening, but all I'm thinking about is Louis. Louis and his beautiful blue eyes and his toussled hair and his beard. That fucking beard. His muscular body, his tight clothes. Ugh. How would I ever be good enough?

It doesn't make sense because I've been talking to Louis for two months. Six whole weeks - and he knows how weird I am, how crazy I am. He knows everything there is to know about me-- well, nearly everything. And he still hasn't left, he's still here, excited to meet me. 

And I am so fucking excited to meet him. But what if I fuck it up?

Talking over text is one thing, but what if I don't come off the same in person? What if I look a bit different than I did in my selfies? I always did hold the camera at a certain angle and use the best lighting.... Had I been misleading?

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I nearly fall backwards in my chair at the sensation. 

"Harold, seriously, what's going on with you? You're a nervous wreck," my father tuts, wagging an eyebrow in my direction. 

"Nothing, nothing," I assure him. "Just waiting for an important email from my professor. Exam grades." 

My parents look at each other and shrug, but I can tell the charade is up. They know something is wrong, but they're not close enough with me to discuss it. 

We used to be close, my parents and I. When I was a kid, my father would take me to play football on the fields. We would practice making goals for ages, and then he would take me to Nando's for dinner. 

But everything changed when I entered high school. I no longer played soccer, as I had been booted from the team in eighth year. I wasn't a good enough kicker. I joined track instead, which seemed like a good idea at the time. Little did I know that it would change my life forever, and not in the ways I expected. 

All of the men on my time were extremely tall and thin. I was too, but not as thin as these guys, who looked as shredded as Olympic athletes. I enjoyed my Nando's and my ice cream and didn't think twice about what I ate. I distinctly remember one of my teammates confronting me about the ham and cheese toastie that I ate after practice one day. 

"That's super unhealthy, Harry," he said, wrinkling his brow. "No wonder you can't make varsity. All that junk is slowing you down." 

I didn't think much of it at the time, but when I went home, I googled 'track runner diet.' And ham and cheese toasties definitely weren't a part of the regimen. There were all these healthy recipes like quinoa bowls and avocado salads and multigrain toast. 

I wasn't really one for eating healthy, as I was naturally thin already. But I figured if this is what my teammates were eating and this was what was making them faster, I should get on board. 

The next day, I showed up to school with my avocado salad and sat next to the other runners, who had similar healthy meals. The teammate who had made fun of me smiled. "Good choice, Harry," he told me. "Now I bet you'll see your mile time drop."

And it did. By a full minute, too. With my new diet, I felt on top of the world, like I could conquer anything. I felt lighter, faster, freer. That is, until, I took it too far. 

Gradually, I became more and more obsessed with my regimen, running longer distances and eating less. I figured the more extreme I went, the better I would get at running. But it doesn't work that way. By the end of the season, I had lost 20 pounds, and my running times hit a plateau. I couldn't go as fast anymore. I felt weak and sluggish, my hair was falling out. 

But I didn't care. I kept on going because I couldn't stop. 

That whole time period was awful for my family. I remember my mother crying when she got the call that I had collapsed during one of my races, when she met me in the hospital, sobbing and telling me that I had to eat more. That she noticed I was losing weight, but didn't know how to help. 

My father was equally upset, and as my parents took me to and from doctor's appointments and hospital visits, for the next year, our relationship only became more strained. I would cry and throw tantrums at home like a child, often locking myself in my room and refusing to eat anything but oatmeal and baby carrots. 

Their son was gone, and replaced by a monster, a monster who only cared about calories and exercise and wait and nothing more. 

Eventually, I got better though. By the end of high school, I was stable enough, I was starting to become myself again. I wasn't happy -- I couldn't run track anymore because of bone damage from malnutrition. Recurring stress fractures. But I was better, mentally. A lot better, and my parents chose to put the past behind us and never look back. 

I always look back though, because that's my life. That's such a big part of me, and I can't just forget it, especially when it's still hard to eat. Still hard to stop myself from overexercising. I've wanted to bring this up with Louis a million times, and I almost have, but I always feared it would be a turn off. That it would be too much if he knew the truth about me. The truth about my past. 

As my parents and I finish our brunch and leave the restaurant, I hug them goodbye. 

"Wow, Harry," my father says with a smile. "Been working out? You have muscles now." 

I smile, hoping he can't see the pain behind my mouth. 

"Yeah, dad," I reply. "Lifting weights." 

"That's wonderful, Harry," my mother says. 

But we leave it at that. There's no need to drag up the past. 

After they hop into their taxi back to the hotel, I high tail it back to my dorm, throwing the door open dramatically and nearly forming a hole in the adjacent wall. 

On my bed, I have laid out my outfit. Dark blue skinny jeans, a red collared T-shirt and a tan leather jacket. I pair everything with a pair of chestnut Chelsea boots, and then head to the mirror to inspect my face. 

Fuck.

My skin had literally been clear all week up until this very day, but as I look in the mirror, my green eyes connecting with their reflection, I spot a huge red zit on my forehead. 

Bloody fucking hell. 

I pick at the blemish compulsively, only making it worse, and then notice another one near my chin, and pick at that too. When I'm done, there is blood dripping from both spots and I blot my face with toilet paper, nearly crying. 

Sighing, I remove my attention from my face and work on my hair, which is all tangled in the back. I wet it and comb my brush through it, so it looks neat and smooth. 

Then, as I return my attention to my face, I suddenly am overcome with the urge to take a shit and rush to the toilet to relieve myself. 

I sit and look at my phone, completely disturbed by how badly this preparation process is going. But I figure it's better to shit now than it is to have to go on the date. 

I check my phone. It's a message from Louis. 

Louis: SO EXCITED

Louis: To see you. In T minus one hour 

Louis: Can't wait 

A smile spreads across my face, and I put my phone down, finishing up and washing my hands. 

Then, I inspect my face one more time, dabbing a bit of concealer on the red spots. That will have to do. 

"Can't wait either!" I type to Louis. 

Taking one last look in the full length mirror, I dab on a bit more cologne and head out the door and onto the street. 

I don't live too far from Max Brenner. It's one subway stop, but I decide to walk because otherwise I'll be too early. And if I spend anymore time in my apartment I will probably pick both my face and outfit apart. 

I guess I was a bit too confident in my sense of location, though, because halfway into my walk, I realize I'm going the wrong way and have to take out Google maps. Lovely. 

My legs begin to pick up speed now, my body following along helplessly with them. I haven't run in ages and I'm already starting to sweat, which only makes me more nervous. 

Eventually, I reach the restaurant. I'm way too early though. It's only 2:40 and our reservation is at 3pm. So being the anxious person that I am, I decide to wait inside of a nearby shop until Louis arrives. 

It's a Zumiez. I have literally no desire for any type of skater boy apparel, but I walk around and act like I'm interested anyways. There's AC in here too, and I feel my sweat begin to dry, hoping and praying that Louis won't notice. 

The longer I wait in there, the more my heart starts racing. What if I just left right now and went home? I ask myself. 

Fight or flight is kicking in and I want more than anything to leave. I really can't do this -- I just can't.

In the midst of my panicked episode, my phone buzzes. Louis. Fuck. I wait a moment before answering. 

Louis: Here by the park.

FUCK.

I exit the store, deciding that it's too late to back out now. It's Louis, I remind myself. It's your Louis. Your silly, quirky Louis. He likes you. He does. 

That seems to calm me down a bit, and as I make my way towards the intersection that leads to the park, I text him. 

Harry: Ok, heading there now. 

The light turns red, and I stand at the crosswalk, gazing into the park. My eyes browse through the people, searching for the one with the big blue eyes and the lovely brown hair. 

And then I spot him, standing next to a telephone pole, his eyes focused on his phone. He's wearing a tight fitting blue V neck, that only accentuates his bulging biceps, and dark washed skinny jeans with grey and black Tye dyed vans. 

HOLY SHIT. 

The light reads green now, and I cross the street, my heart nearly palpitating as I look at him. He still doesn't look up from his phone. 

We had talked about this moment a bunch over text. 

Louis: What if you met me and I just shit my pants immediately as you hugged me

Harry: Who says I'm hugging you

Harry: But omg I would run away aha 

Louis: LMAO. Who says you're hugging me?

Louis: You'll hug me. Trust me

And he was right. As I approached the gorgeous man in the bright blue shirt, instinct took over and my nerves disappeared. I tapped him on the shoulder, confidently, beaming down at him. Now that I got a good look at him -- I realized how tiny he was. He definitely wasn't the height he said he was. 

When Louis feels me tap him, he looks up, our eyes connecting. I lean in for a hug, and he jumps onto his tiptoes, hugging me back. His grip is tight, warm. 

"Hey," I say, as we pull away. 

He looks me up and down, his mouth twisted into a sexy half smile. 

"Hey." 

A/n: sorry to change up the format. I couldn't fit both boys' POV in this chapter.


	8. Talking

Louis' POV

Harry and I stand there for a moment in the park, neither of us moving. We had just hugged and said hello, and now Harry is standing their awkwardly, playing with a bracelet on his wrist nervously.

I smile at him, taking in his beautiful green eyes. They're even bigger and brighter than they had been in the photos. He's also super tall — which I suppose I was expecting, but I didn't realize how much he would tower over me. Cuddling might be a little tough.

His long legs look gorgeous in his tight, dark washed jeans and the red color really accentuates it his ivory skin. His hair, long and lustrous, falls onto his back and I sigh a little, hoping he doesn't realize how mesmerized I am.

After all, I'm Louis. Weird, sassy, gym bro Louis. I have a persona to upkeep. I can't melt into a puddle of mush just yet.

"Harry, what are you doing just standing there, let's go," I laugh, motioning for him to cross the street with me. I want to hold his hand but we're definitely not there yet.

Harry nearly stumbles and jogs after me, keeping a small distance between us.

"You're real," he giggles, smiling at me.

"You're real too," I reply.

I feel a pressure to be funny. To really banter back and forth like we always had over text, but I can't think of anything to say.

Harry continues to fidget as he walks, his long legs quickly outpacing my short ones.

"Running a marathon, eh?" I ask, speeding up my pace.

"Sorry. Just really hungry," he replied, giggling. Dimples creased his cheeks and I resisted the urge to reach up and pinch them.

He. is. so. Cute.

"You're gonna love the chocolate pizza, Harry," I said. I fought my desire to call him a pet name or one of the silly nicknames we had given each other. 

Harry is still acting a little bit formal, like we're strangers. I guess technically we are, but we know so much about each other it doesn't feel like it.

"You're gonna love it!" I reply, as we enter the lobby of the restaurant.

Suddenly, there's tons of people milling around, and I push my way to the front to let the hostess know I have a reservation.

"Tomlinson," I say. "3pm."

She smiles and nods, leading Harry and I to a table in the back of the restaurant. To the left of us is a married couple. To the right is a group of college aged girls.

"Wow, this place seems popular," Harry said, taking a seat in the booth. I take the chair across from him, grabbing a menu. 

"Yeah. That's why I made a reservation," I reply. "It's a mad house."

"What are you gonna get?" Harry asks, leafing through the menu. 

"Well, I was thinking we could split the chocolate pizza, and I was gonna get a milkshake," I reply. I've been here a few times before, and I know what's good.

"Oh, okay," he replies, closing the menu. "I'll do the same. What kinda milkshake?"

"This one," I say, pointing to it on my menu. It's the nineties shake, vanilla with melted chocolate mixed in and a chocolate shell on top. Harry reaches for my menu and our fingers brush together, sending tingles down my spine. 

"Cool," Harry replies. He smiles at me, his big eyes focused on my face. 

"You're so quiet," I chuckle. "You're always so talkative over snap chat. In your videos."

Harry blushes and the waitress comes over to take our orders. 

"Two nineties shakes and a chocolate pizza," I say. She nods and heads back to the kitchen.

"Sorry," Harry giggles. "I'm honestly just a little distracted. You're really cute."

My face lights up and I nearly spit out my water. 

"Damn," I reply. "Blunt. You are too, Harry." 

Harry smiles and starts to fidget again. He hasn't stopped since I saw him in the park. I guess I make him nervous. After all, he just blurted out how attractive he found me. 

"So what did you do today?" I ask, attempting small talk. I could ask Harry about his school and his family and his interests, but I already know all that stuff. 

"Nothing really," he replies with a shrug. He takes a sip of water, nearly spilling it on himself and we both burst out laughing. 

"You really are a human giraffe," I say, referring to an inside joke of ours. I hand him a napkin, and he takes it, quickly sopping up the now wet table top. 

"I got brunch with my parents, then came home and got ready. Took a shit," he listed off. 

"Harry!" I squeal. "We're on a date -- you can't say 'take a shit.'"

Harry shrugs, a sneaky smile spreading across his lips. They're a little bit red. Probably because he's been biting them. 

"I mean, you already know all about me," Harry says, smirking. "And you still showed up to this date. So.... I think I'm good...."

I roll my eyes. "Oh, you're good," I reply, my eyes widening as the milkshakes arrive to the table. I had forgotten how big they are. 

"Fuck my diet, right?" I snicker, stabbing a straw into the milkshake and taking a sip.

Harry nods and smiles, but he looks a bit off kilter. His looks down at the milkshake, slowly taking a sip, and then nearly shoots out of his seat, his green eyes jutting open wildly. 

"Oh my god, Lou, that is so fucking good!" he nearly shouts. 

"Hazza," I giggle. I wish I could sit next to him, and give him a hug or hold his hand or something. Instead, we have this stupid table separating us. "I'm glad you like it but, wow, you are being really loud."

Harry sticks his tongue out at me and I feel a kick beneath the table. 

"Are you kicking me?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. 

"Maybe?" Harry responds, still grinning. 

Service must be fast as fuck here because the chocolate pizza comes out next, interrupting what could have been an incredible moment of sexual tension. 

We move our shakes, barely finished to the side, and stare at the chocolate covered masterpiece in front of us.

"Louis, you are trying to put me into a sugar coma so you can kill me, aren't you?" Harry giggles, widening his eyes dramatically. 

"Oh yes," I reply with an eye roll. "That's exactly my plan, Harold." 

I cut two slices and place them on the plates that waitress had provided. I'm excited to dig in, but at the same time, I'm embarrassed for Harry to watch me eat. This is a super messy food, after all. 

Harry and I had talked about this too, in a text conversation one day. 

Harry: I fucking hate eating on dates I get so embarrassed and never end up finishing my food

Harry: bc I can't talk and eat at the same time, so i always end up talking instead of eating

Harry: embarrassing 

Louis: Omg, no I'm the same way! 

Louis: That's exactly how I feel

Harry: Gemelos

Louis: What?

Harry: Twins 

Louis: hahaha. Oh. Pendejo

Harry: Stop it. 

Now, I hold my slice to my lips, nearly bursting out laughing as I watch Harry observe me. 

"Harry, don't stare at me as I eat," I groan, giving him a dirty look. "We talked about this."

Harry laughed, taking a bite of his slice. "Fuck off," he chuckles. "I can watch you." 

"Not if I cover my face," I say, shielding him with one hand, as I eat the pizza with another. 

"This is fucking delicious. Is that white chocolate?" Harry gushes between bites. 

"Yeah," I reply. "So good, isn't it? Louis knows best."

Harry rolls his eyes and I brace myself for another kick beneath the table but there isn't one. Instead, Harry leans forwards, somehow knocking all of our napkins onto the floor. 

"Fuck, I really needed a napkin," I whine. I'm joking, but suddenly I see a hand flash in my peripheral vision, and a napkin appears on the table in front of me. 

I turn to my right, and see the group of college girls staring at me eagerly, motioning at the napkin. That's when I realize, they had been watching and eavesdropping on our date the entire time. 

I shoot one of the girls an awkward smile and then return my attention to Harry, who is struggling with his second slice of pizza. 

"Haz!" I whisper. 

He looks up, furrowing his brow. He looks like a giant angry puppy. 

"What?" he asks. 

"Those girls have been watching our date the entire time," I whisper, perhaps a bit too loudly. I never was one for volume control. 

Harry nods and giggles. "I had no idea," he replies, shrugging.

We finish our food, both of us deciding we're defeated after two slices and get the other two to go. 

"I'm so full," I complain, resting a hand on my stomach. "Seriously too much food."

"Same," Harry says. "But it was so good. Worth it!" 

I laugh, nodding, and lock eyes with Harry, who is now tapping his foot a mile a minute. 

"Do you ever sit still, Curly?" I ask, making the universal check sign to the waitress. 

"Not really," he replies, smiling down at me. 

The waitress comes back with the check, and I grab it swiftly, not allowing Harry to see it. 

"Hey, I can pay!" he says, tugging at my wrist. 

"It's my treat," I say, wagging an eyebrow in his direction. "I'm taking you out, Mister."

Harry shrugs and complies, and I pay in cash, leaving an exact tip. 

We sort of just sit there staring at each other. I can tell Harry expects me to do something, as I was the one who planned this date. I'm kind of fucked because the food only took about an hour, and given all the hype surrounding our hangout, it was simply not enough time. 

"Wanna go to the park?" I ask, leading Harry out of the restaurant. 

"Sure," Harry replies, following after me. 

We exit the building and then head back down the sidewalk the same way we came, eventually reaching the park entrance. 

Unfortunately, it's a beautiful day out and the park is overcrowded with people. There's nowhere to sit, and that was a really integral part of the plan, so I circle the benches until I find an empty one. 

I sit down, and Harry does the same, once again leaving a tiny bit of space between us. 

We had talked a bit as we walked to the park, but I'd be lying if I said I was paying attention. I remember mentioning a party I recently went to (I wasn't trying to show off - I just really had nothing left to talk about), and Harry chimed in with some story about his high school friend. 

Now, he's finishing up the story, explaining the night that they got drunk together for the first time. 

"So we split a bottle of wine," Harry says, excitedly. "And after a while, we start think it's not enough. So we grab a second bottle and split that. And somewhere between opening the bottle and finishing it, all hell breaks loose."

"Wow," I say, nodding. I want to engage in the story, but my heart is racing and my palms are sweating and all I can think about is how close Harry's face is to mine....

"So I start dancing and drunk dialling people. He ends up running through the kitchen," Harry continues. 

I nod again. "Mhm," I reply, breathily. 

"He starts...." Harry pauses and locks eyes with me, squirming a bit in his seat as we make eye contact. "He starts projectile vomiting everywhere. I mean everywhere...."

And that's when, at the least romantic moment possible, grab his face and kiss him. 

 

Author's note: What do you guys think? I think I will alternate chapters from now on, one chapter Lou POV and one chapter Harry POV instead of both in the same chapter. At least during the date part. Don't want to spoil anything, but things are...about..to..get..saucy!!! ;)


	9. Kissing

Harry's POV

I didn't know how to react when he kissed me. The whole time during the date I was nearly going mad over how attractive Louis was. I wad tapping my feet, fidgeting, barely paying attention to the conversation half the time. I just keep staring into his deep blue eyes and tracing his sharp jawline with my eyes and checking out his bulging biceps.

Now, as we sit on the bench, he's suddenly kissing me. He's grabbing my face with one hand and stroking my back with the other and his tongue is weaving in and out of my mouth and his stubble is grazing against my lips and I don't think I can breathe.

I kiss back, but barely. I'm too overwhelmed, too excited. I end up opening my eyes, even though his are closed, and i realize families are all around us. We're next to a fucking playground for God's sake. I can't make out in front of a playground, I need mg privacy.

I take a moment to kiss Louis back, soft and slow, grabbing at his delicious bicep a little. But a woman with her stroller nearly knocks into me and I immediately jerk away, giggling.

"What?" Louis asks, raising an eyebrow. "You okay?"

I continue to laugh, nearly shaking as I throw my palms into my face.

"I'm sorry, I just can't do this here," I giggle. "I need some privacy."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Harry," Louis replied. I expected him to make fun of me, but he seems totally understanding. His blue eyes circle my face for a moment and then he takes my hand, nearly electrifying me with his touch. His hands are rough and hard, but his touch is gentle.

"Let's go, Hazza," he says quietly, leading me away from the park full of screaming children. "I know a place."

"I'm sorry," I stammer as we head down the street. "I just get nervous."

"It's okay," Louis replies with a smile. "You're a good kisser."

I blush, rubbing the back of my neck with my free hand. "Thanks, so are you," i reply, smiling.

Louis nods and we continue down the road, padding restaurants on the way.

"That boba tea shop is so good," Louis says, pointing at the sign.

"I've never been," I reply. "Looks good."

"Yeah," he replies. "We should go sometime."

We start to slow down and Louis leads me to a bench, which is in a little outdoor patio area outside of an office building. Businessmen are hurrying in and out, and to me this seems worse than the park.

Louis sits down on the stone bench and motions for me to sit down too.

I stare at him, wide eyed.

"What's wrong, love?" Louis asks, chuckling at my facial expression.

"Well, There's not room for both of us," I Point out.

"I know," he says, biting his lip. "You're gonna sit on my lap."

"Oh," I reply. Suddenly I feel so dumb.

I sit down on Louis lap, bridal style, trying not to crush him with my long legs.

Without hesitating, He grabs me, pulling my face towards his and kissing me passionately. I kiss back, shuddering as he runs his hands across my torso and over my back and shoulders.

Louis deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue further into my mouth. He gnaws on my bottom lip and then stops, allowing me to do the same to him. Our tongues graze each other and I nearly moan. I hope he doesn't feel how hard I am.

"Fuck," I breathe, pulling away. "I just... wow."

"Wow is right," Louis says, smiling. His lips are red and raw now.

I did that, I think to myself.

Louis and I continue to kiss, and I move my legs now, climbing down so I can straddle him. He grabs my butt roughly, giving it a squeeze and I move my mouth from his lips to his neck,  
sucking harshly. I'm so gone for him.

When I sit back up, a businessman flashes in my peripheral vision and I burst out laughing again.

"I'm sorry, Lou, I can't," I say. "It's too public."

He smiles, though based on the greedy look in his eyes, I can tell he wants more. His pupils have nearly swallowed his icy blue irises, and he feels semi hard beneath me.

"It's okay," he says, standing up. I stand up too, and he wraps me in his arms, tracing little circles on my back.

"You're so cute, Harry," he purs in my ear. I smile, watching as he struggles to reach me. He's on his tip toes.

"You are too," I reply, rubbing his shoulder. "Super cute."

Louis nods and jumps back down, his eyes suddenly widening.

"Hey," he begins, waving his arms dramatically. "I know this is wild, but my aunts house isn't too far from here, and i know she won't be home for a while... if youd like to..."

"Yes," i cut him off.

He stares at me, his eyes bugging out of his head.

"Really?" He asks.

"Yup," I reply.

"Wow, so you must really trust me," he says.

"I do," I say, biting my lip. That, and the fact that I'm so horny that Logic is taking a backseat to my penis.

"Ok, awesome," Louis says. He grins at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling at the edges.  
"Cool, Harry, let's go on the train."

I nod and follow him down the block and to the subway.

My heart is racing and my hands are sweating, but I always knew — long before coming to this date — that this is where we would end up. Louis was so attractive, and we had so much chemistry.

And while I tended to be rather modest as far as first dates went, kissing was not nearly enough with Louis. I needed much, Much more.

Louis' POV

I almost thought Harry was joking when he said he wanted to come back to my place. We had literally only met each other an hour ago, and now he is willing to trust me enough to come home with me.

I mean, I knew Harry was into me, but I didn't know he was that into me. He was a lot less talkative than I expected him to be, and every time we took a break from kissing, he couldn't stop laughing.

To be honest, I was extremely nervous to ask him to come over. I braced myself for an 'oh that's nice but I have to be going' or 'maybe next time.' I didn't think he would o actually say yes.

But oh boy, how fast things had moved since then. After a short subway ride to Penn Station, we got tickets to go where my aunt lives, in a small suburb of Long Island just 20 minutes outside of New York City.

Luckily, the wait was short -- only about 15 minutes in the station. I bought Harry a Starbucks drink, and he got a Green Tea, sipping it slowly as he stared at me with those big green eyes.

"The tea matches your eyes, cutie," I giggled. Softie Lou was starting to make an appearance, and I didn't care anymore. I absolutely adored Harry, and the chemistry we had during our kiss was amazing. I was too excited to hold back any longer.

"Thanks," he replied. He handed me the cup, offering a sip, and I took one and then returned it to him.

Now, the train is arriving and Harry and I head down the steps to the platform. We enter the train, a silver double decker, and take a seat together in a 3 person booth.

Harry sits down politely, arms folded in his lap, smiling nervously.

"Come here, you," I say. I grab him by the waist and pull him towards me. "Do you want to cuddle?"

Do you want to cuddle? I cringe internally as I think about what I had just said. We are on a fucking public train and I am asking to cuddle as if we're at home watching Netflix on the couch. Good fucking job Louis.

To my surprise, though, Harry nods, his curls bouncing on his back, and snugglesinto the crook of my neck, resting his little head on my shoulder.

"Aww, you fit perfectly, Haz," I coo, kissing his forehead. His body feels warm and smooth against mine and I sigh. "You're a good cuddler."

Harry smiles at me, blushing a little.

"Thanks," he replies, quickly. He starts to squirm a bit, his long limbs shaking.

"Are you comfy like that?" I ask, stroking his hair. "You can move up if you want, we have the whole seat."

Harry lifts his head and I lean back so we are lying parallel. I turn onto my side, and lean into him, allowing him to be little spoon.

"Are we really fucking spooning on the train," Harry snorts. My hands grip his waist, and he places his hands on top of mine. They're warm and strong.

"We really are," I reply.

Wow. I stop for a minute and try to figure out how we got here. Somewhere along the line, though I'm not certain where, I had turned into a dove-eyed-cloudy-headed-romantic. And in any other context, I would probably be embarrassed. But with Harry, I didn't care. This felt so right.

I close my eyes and begin to stroke Harry's hair again. Each lock is smooth and shiny. For so long, I had been seeing photos of his beautiful hair. But now it's here, in front of me, real. It smells amazing, too, like soap and fruit and ginger.

"You smell good," I whisper shyly.

Harry turns to me, eyebrows raised. "Really?" he squeaks. "I got a little sweaty on the way here."

I shrug. "I think you smell amazing," I reply.

"Oh, fuck, Louis!" Harry suddenly jerks out of my reach, nearly falling onto the floor. "Conductor!"

"Shit," I groan, sitting up and searching for our tickets. We definitely aren't supposed to be doing this on the train.

"Tickets?" the conductor asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

I hand him the tickets, and then we wait until he's out of sight before we begin cuddling once again.


	10. Hooking Up

Harry's Point of View

"Haz," Louis whispers. I'm cuddled up against him with my eyes closed and my hands on his biceps, with absolutely no desire of moving.

If you had told me a few hours ago that I would be falling for Louis this hard and fast, I would have laughed in your face. Sure, we had talked a ton beforehand, and sure, I liked him. But I didn't think I would be this blown away by meeting him, this hot and heavy with desire. 

I had been so nervous to even show up to this date. I was certain that Louis wouldn't like me and that I might not even like him. But now, laying here in Louis' arms, I feel like everything is at peace with the world. Every flirty text we ever sent, every photo we ever exchanged, every story we ever shared has suddenly all come together in this one beautiful, momentous date. A fantastic lunch, a breath-taking kiss, an adorable cuddle session. I bite my lip and tried to refocus my mind before I start thinking about what Louis and I will be doing next.....

"Haz," Louis repeats, tapping me this time.

I open my eyes, nearly jolting backwards as I realize Louis' face is inches from my face. 

"Yeah?" I ask, lazily, regaining my balance. I grab his bicep more tightly and scooch closer, not wanting this moment to end.

"Get up, love. That's our stop," he says, pointing to the doors which are now opening.

"Oh fuck," I mumble. I sit up and rush to the exit. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Louis replies. He follows me off the train an onto the platform. Our eyes connect, and Louis bites his lip and smiles.

"Thanks for coming back with me," he says, running a hand over his stubble. "Um, this way. It's a ten minute walk."

I nod. "Yeah sure," I reply.

I'm hardly paying attention to a word he says. All I can think about is what I'm going to do when we finally get some god damn privacy....

But I can't let him know how excited I am. Keep it cool, Harry, I tell myself. Keep it cool.

As I try to calm myself down, Louis leads me down the steps and to a sidewalk, and I follow after him, my long legs quickly matching his pace. As I look around, I realize we are not in the city anymore — there are large houses with front lawns and backyards. Suburbia if I ever saw it.

Sighing, I begin to realize that I kind of want to hold Louis' hand, and look down at it longingly. Louis catches my gaze, grinning encouragingly. 

"Haz, do you want to like..." Louis begins, his cheeks reddening slightly. "Um... hold hands?"

"You read my mind," I reply. Louis extends a hand and I reach out, placing my hand inside of his. It's strong and warm and I suddenly feel myself getting wildly turned on.

"I, um," I stammer. "How much longer?"

We've been walking for several minutes now, further away from the train station and deeper into the suburban area, down a variety of tiny, winding roads.

As I look at the surrounding streets, I realize No one is around, and it's getting dark. With anyone else I'd be shaking with anxiety, but with Louis I couldn't care less. I trust him. I want him. I need him.

"A little more," Louis replies, leading me down yet another road. "I know it looks sketchy, but I promise I'm not going to kill you..."

I giggle, but all I'm really thinking about is how he basically is killing me with his good looks, his chiseled body, his sexy lips, his soft cuddles.

"Okay," Louis says, pointing to a large White House at the end of a dead end street. "That's her house."

"Awesome," I say. I smile at him, pushing loose curls out of my eyes. He grins back, his blue eyes smoldering.

"I had fun today," Louis says quietly. "Thanks for coming out."

I nod and give his hand a small squeeze. "I had fun too," I say. "And thank you for paying, Love."

"No problem," Louis says. He walks up the steps of the house and begins to unlock the door. I stand next to him, tapping my foot rapidly.

Just get that fucking door open, I think to myself. Just let me get inside so I can be alone with you.

"Harry?" Lou asks, raising an eyebrow. "You okay?"

Fuck.

"Yup," I nod and begin to bob my head up and down dramatically. "Are you okay?"

Louis rolls his eyes and opens the door, motioning for me to follow after him. "Oh please," he replies. "I'm amazing."

Giggling, we walk inside the house, a huge Victorian with hardwood floors, but no furniture in sight.

"Does anyone live here?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. Maybe he is a murderer after all.

Louis laughs, his squeaky chuckle reverbating through the empty space.

"No," he says, shaking his head. "My aunt does a lot of travel for work. She's hardly home. Got this new place a few months ago and still hasn't furnished it."

"Oh," I reply, smiling politely. I'm not sure if I buy that excuse, but I don't really care.

Louis removes his shoes and puts them by the door, and I follow after him, doing the same. Then, he kind of just stand there awkwardly, staring at me with those big blue eyes and a blank expression on his face. 

"I guess I can show you around," he says, shrugging. He walks a few feet over to the kitchen, his little feet sliding in his socks. 

"This is the kitchen," he says, pointing to a nearly empty island kitchen with granite countertops. 

"Um, there's the living room," he says, circling into the next room. "Dining room."

I nod, offering him an enthusiastic 'nice' or 'wow' whenever he introduces a new room. But there's only one room I care about at this point, and that's the bedroom.

"okay," Louis says, jogging upstairs. "So these are the other rooms, this is the room I stay in."

"It's your room?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. 

Louis nods, and opens the door, revealing a queen sized bed with a blue comforter. 

We both stand there in the room for a minute, not saying anything. 

"Umm," Louis begins, looking around the room for something. "I can show you..."

But I'm already removing my shirt now, and my pants. I have waited way too long.

Suddenly, Louis whirls around to face me. 

"Harry? Are you getting naked right now?" he asks, his eyes widening in disbelief.

"I, um, yeah," I reply, blushing. "Though that was where things were headed... in the bedroom..."

Louis blushes. "I mean yeah, but I wasn't going to take you up here and immediately hook up with you," he says, his voice rising an octave. "That's rude."

"Oh," I reply. Now I'm blushing. "Should I re-dress?"

Louis smirks and shakes his head. "No, no," he says. "Harry, you are a wild one but that's why I like you, cutie." 

He lunges towards me, grabbing my bare chest, and pushing me roughly onto the bed. 

Well fuck. Tommo likes it rough.

Louis gets on top of me and begins to kiss me. Everywhere. My lips, my neck, my chest, my collarbone. My arms. My legs. He's going crazy too, smiling widely as he does it.

"You're just so cute," he breathes, in between kisses. "I can't stop kissing you."

I laugh, wiggling a bit as he kisses my neck for a third time. The kisses are no longer small and soft, but now deep and suctioned. 

"Fuck," I breathe. "Lou, you're gonna leave a mark." 

Louis ends the kiss and pulls away from my neck, making a large smacking sound with his lip. "THat's the point, love," he growls. "I'm marking you as mine."

He sits up and removes his clothes now, his shirt and his jeans. Now we're both just in our boxers, and Louis' warm, muscular torso is pressing against mine. I buck my hips a little, so that our pelvises align, and we begin to grind against each other. 

Truth be told, I'm still a virgin when it comes to having sex with men. I've never done anal before, and Louis knows that. We've talked about it extensively in text conversations. 

Harry: It's just so embarrassing because I mostly like men, but I've never had sex with one

Harry: And I kinda want it to be with someone special, but at this point im tired of waiting 

Louis: Well you can still wait for someone special. There's no rush

Louis: And it's not embarrassing. We all have different paces 

Harry: Well, easy for you to say. You've had tons of sex 

Louis: *blushes*

Louis: My body count is only 7

Louis: 8

Louis: Fuck 

Louis: But no seriously, Harry, you're fine. The right person will wait. 

Little did I know the right person would be him. And honestly, if I lost it to him tonight, right here in the guest room of his aunt's giant suburban house, I would be entirely satisfied. 

Louis and I have switched positions now. I'm on top, and I'm kissing Louis' neck, causing him to squirm and moan a little. "that's hot," he groans, tugging at my curls. 

I suck harder, but when I pull away, I don't manage to make as dark and deep as a mark as the ones Louis left on me. 

As I straddle Louis, I notice how hard he feels beneath me, and reach into his boxers, slowly snaking my hand inside to grab hold of his dick. 

"Haz, what are you doing there?" Louis asks, wagging an eyebrow at me. 

I shoot him a sneaky smile and begin to lower myself to his crotch, jerking him off a bit before I begin. 

That's when I burst out laughing. 

"Hazza," Louis says. "What's with all this laughing tonight? Did my dick tell you a joke?" 

I shake my head, covering my hands over my mouth as I begin to giggle even more. 

"No, I just... I haven't done this before either," I admit, continuing to stroke his dick. 

"Hey," Louis says, sitting up. "It's okay, you don't have to, love."

I shake my head. "No," I reply. "I want to. Just need a little guidance." 

Louis nods, laying his head back down on the pillow. "Okay, honey, well just do what feels comfortable for you," he begins. "And I'll let you know how it feels for me."

I nod, and begin to encircle my mouth around his dick, which is long and thick, maybe 7 inches hard. 

As soon as my mouth makes contact with it, I spit it out and start laughing all over again. 

OH MY GOD. Pull it together Harry, I tell myself. 

I had been doing literally nothing but thinking about this moment all evening and now that it's finally here, I'm ruining the moment by laughing at his penis. 

Taking a deep breath, I readjust my mouth and try again, sucking slowly, sort of like I did with the neck kisses. 

"That's it," Louis replies softly. "Maybe a little faster, when you're ready." 

I nod, and begin to quicken the pace, though I'm not sure how it feels for him. I licked the tip a little, swirling it around in my mouth. Girls had always done that for me, and it got me crazy hard. It seems to have the same effect on Louis. 

"Fuck, that's good," Louis moans. I look up for a second and see his head tilted back and his eyes shut closed and I start freaking out. I did that? I fucking did that. Oh my god. 

I was equally surprised when a few seconds later, he told me he was coming, and a warm, sticky liquid began to fill my mouth. 

When he was done, I sat up, my mouth full of cum, wondering what the fuck to do with it or if there was some place I could spit it out. But at that point, too much time had passed, and I decided to just swallow it. 

GULP.

Louis, who has been cleaning himself up, sits up and pulls me towards him. "Come here, Curly," he coos, pulling me onto his chest. "That was really good. You didn't have to do that, though. You know I like you, right?" 

I blush, nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck. "I know," I reply. "I just wanted to. I find you so sexy, I just can't control myself."

Louis chuckles, petting my chestnut locks softly. "Neither can I," he replies, kissing me on the head. "Trust me."


	11. Planning

Lou's POV 

After Harry blew me, I couldn't help but return the favor. I'm so caught up in emotions I can't even explain how I'm feeling. Between the date and cuddling on the train and now our hookup, I am experiencing about 18 different emotions at once. 

I'm seriously still in shock that he came home with me - after just one date. And I'm even more shocked that he LITERALLY started getting naked as soon as we got into my room. I thought I wanted it bad - well it seems like Harry wanted it worse. 

I really didn't expect this from him either, especially given his inexperience. He had never even gone down on a guy before - and I seriously found it so cute when he asked me for help. Like, I told him he didn't even have to do it in the first place, but he said he wanted to. He wanted to please me.... that's so adorable. 

Hooking up with Harry is not like anything I've ever experienced before. Usually, I'm focused on the sex and the pleasure aspect of it, but not the emotional part. But with Harry, I want it all. I want to feel his lips against mine, I want to run my fingers through his hair, I want to talk to him, tell him how cute he is, how much I like him.

And when I went down on him - fuck. Fuck. 

Looking up and seeing his face - his eyes closed and his head back. Hearing the little whimpers escape from his lips. Feeling him squirm beneath my grip. 

"Come for me, Haz," I breathed, coming up for a breath. 

I continued to blow him, and it wasn't long before he did come, filling my mouth with the warm white liquid. 

I swallowed, of course. 

Now, Harry and I are both satisfied, not to mention completely worn out. Harry's lying on my chest now, and I'm playing with his hair, massaging his head and rubbing his soft curls between my fingers. 

"You're so cute, Hazzy," I coo. 

He smiles and turns towards me, his big green eyes blinking back at me. 

"You're cute too, Louis," he says with a goofy grin. 

I nod and stroke his bicep. "Haz, can I ask you something?" I say quietly. 

He nods, and I swallow thickly. Here goes fucking nothing. 

"Okay, well, I really enjoyed this date, and I was wondering if you would wanna keep seeing each other," I say. My voice comes out sort of low and warped. Well, low for me. Even my lowest tone is higher than Harry's voice. 

Harry stares at me, wrinkling his brow. "What?" he asks. 

"Um, I wanted to know if you want to like, keep on dating," I repeat. 

Oh my god, I think to myself. He's going to say no. Fuck! 

Harry giggles, leaning in to hug me. "Oh, sorry, Lou, I literally misheard you," he laughs. "I thought you said ' do you want to keep peeing each other.'"

I start to giggle as well. Wow. Typical Harry.

"But yeah, I would like to keep dating," he continues. "I really like you." 

"I really like you too," I reply. "And awesome. That's awesome, Harry." 

I pull him into my arms, snuggling him closely, and breathing in his beautiful floral cologne. 

 

**************

We only lie there for about 20 minutes, before my aunt calls saying she's coming home. Harry and I hurry to get dressed, and scurry out of the house in the nick of time. 

"That was a close one," I breathe as we round the corner. "I definitely wasn't supposed to bring a friend home."

"A friend," Harry says, raising an eyebrow. We're holding hands now, and he's swinging my arm a bit too harshly for my comfort. 

"Oh, sorry," I say, laughing a little. "A date. A sexy date."

"Only sexy?" Harry gasps. "Wow. I thought I was at least fantastically gorgeous." 

"You're that too," I reply, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. 

We continue walking until we approach the train station, and that's when the reality dawns on me that I probably won't see him again for another month, at least. I'm flying back to Chicago tomorrow, and I won't even be able to say goodbye.

"I, um, I'm gonna miss you," I say, as we climb up the stairs to the platform. "I'm going to come back to New York as soon as I finish exams." 

Harry nods, his face falling a bit as he remembers the distance. 

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too, Louis," he says, pulling me in for a hug. "Like a lot."

He starts to shake a bit and I realize he might be crying. I tap him on the shoulder gently. 

"Harry," I say softly. "Don't cry love." 

Harry pulls away. His cheeks are wet with tears, but he's smiling. 

"I know, I know," he sniffles. "Embarrassing. But fuck, I just had so much fun and now you have to leave."

Fuck, now I am gonna start crying too. 

"Hey," I say, wrapping my arms around his waste. The train is coming now, and all I want to do is cancel my flight to Chicago and stay here in Harry's arms forever. 

"I'm gonna be back real soon, Harry," I ensure him. "Real soon, okay? And we'll talk every day. Like always, yeah?"

Harry nods, jumping backwards a little as the train approaches. 

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, it's just a month. We can do it."

"We can," I say. "And Harry, you're the best. The absolute best." 

He doesn't respond to that, though. Instead, he grabs me by the jaw and kisses me one last time, before striding off onto the train, his green eyes gleaming beneath the overhead lighting. 

Fuck, I think to myself. I think I'm falling for him. 

 

A/N: Short chapter! WE're almost to the end here. I am thinking of doing a fast forward to that month where they see each other.


	12. Falling

Harry's POV

After I get back from my date with Louis, I immediately text Niall. I'm so excited that I'm smiling ear to ear, and people have been giving me weird looks on the train. In New York, people hardly ever smile, especially if they're alone. I'm pretty sure onlookers think I'm mentally deranged, but I couldn't care less. I'm way too happy to be bothered.

Once I'm above ground and en route to my apartment, I take out my phone to text Niall. It's dark out now - nearly 11pm according to my phone, which means that I was over Louis' for three hours. Three hours of pure bliss...

To my surprise, Niall answers me back immediately.

Harry: I just got back from the date with that guy I was telling you about

Niall: Louis?! Oh yeah - how was he?

Harry: Yea.... he was super sweet and cute! super short though, haha

Niall: Wow. That's awesome, and lol. How'd it go?

Harry: So good. I got really nervous and was making inappropriate jokes... he was super confident though, and he took me to the park after and kissed me. And then... fuck Niall don't judge but...

Harry: I went home with him

Niall: OMG

Niall: AND?

Harry: Well, he took me to his aunt's house in a suburban part of Queens. It was kinda far, but I was so down for him I did't care. We cuddled on the train and he held my hand on the walk to his house. He was being all awkward showing me around and stuff inside the house, but as soon as we got to the bedroom I got naked

Niall: HARRY OMG

Harry: I may seem shy in Spanish class.... but I guess you could say I'm a fiesty one. Hehehe

Harry: But yea - we didn't have sex. I still haven't done it with a guy. But I blew him... or I tried to. I laughed a lot during it

Niall: HAROLD

Harry: I know... I get nervous. But I also really like him! And guess what? He asked me to keep on dating....

Niall: Wow... are you gonna?

Harry: I said yes! He will be back in NY during the winter break, so I'll see him in a month

Niall: Dope. I'm so happy for you man!

Harry: Thanks. Ah, sorry to rant so much I just had to tell someone

Niall: No worries. I love hearing the details

Harry: Awesome. Ah. How was your weekend?

Niall: Good, visited my sister in Connecticut. We had turkey and all that. Nothing too exciting

Harry: haha, well it must have been good to see her though.

After I unlock my door and get inside, I continue the conversation with Niall, answering and asking questions here and there. But my mind is elsewhere.

I walk into the bathroom and begin to strip down for a shower, blushing as I notice three large purple bruises on my neck. Even the intricate tattoos tracing my torso hail in comparison - all my eyes can focus on are the hickies, deep, dark reminders of my time with Louis. A time I would most never forget.

Sighing, I hop into the shower and allow the warm water to drip onto me, rinsing away the sweat and dirt. Honestly, I don't really want to shower - his smell is still on me, and I don't want it to go away. I want to be able to smell him, always.

It's about twelve-thirty when I finally get into bed. Niall has already said goodnight, and I lie in bed, attempting to watch an episode of Shameless on Netflix, but finding my mind drifting in and out of flashbacks from my date with Louis.

"Can I.... um... hold your hand?"

"You're such a good cuddler."

"You're so cute, Harry"

"You're gonna sit on my lap."

"Just do what you're comfortable with."

"Would you want to keep, you know, seeing each other?"

My eyes begin to flutter shut, a stupid smile plastered across my face. But not before seeing my phone flash with a notification. I nearly topple my laptop over trying to get to my phone. Is it from....? 

Yes! It's from Louis.

Louis: Hey love. I had an incredible time tonight! I hope you got home safe

He also sends me a selfie: It's him in bed, hugging a pillow with a cute little smile on his face. "Wish this was you," the caption read.

If my heart could squeal with excitement, it would.

I begin to type back.

Harry: Aww, thank you, Lou. I had a great time too. So amazing

Harry: I am home safe. Didn't die

I send a selfie of me in my bed, showcasing my hickies. "Who made these I wrote?"

Louis: Haha, you can't die. I would miss you too much

Louis: I'm not sure who made those, probably someone who likes you very much

Harry: Or someone who can't control themselves

Louis: LMAO. Hey. Look who's talking

Harry: Fair point. I was all too eager

Harry: But with looks like that, you can't blame me

Louis: Haha. I could say the same about you

Louis: You're also adorable. So funny and sweet

Louis: Even more so in person than over Snapchat - which I thought was impossible

Harry: hehe

Harry: I surpassed ur expectations weeee

Louis: lol dont flatter yourself

Harry: bahaha well you surpassed mine... except for one

Louis: what's that

Harry: You are way shorter than you said you were

Louis: Shit. Y ou figured me out

Harry: Yup. Don't worry, I still like you

Harry: Dick size makes up for it

Louis: OMFG HAROLD

HarrY: I'm kidding

Louis: haha ik. You're always kidding babe

Harry: Babe?

Louis: yes. you're my babe

Louis: Is that okay with you?

Harry: um yes

Harry: that's so sweet

Louis: :D

Louis: Ok I am going to sleep. early flight in the am

Harry: or you can just stay in new york with your babe

Louis: Uh I wish, but 30k tuition at UChicago

Harry: boo u whore

Louis: Calm down, mean girl

Harry: Ok fine. Night :)

Louis: Night :) cutie

I close my eyes, but my body is fully awake now. How the fuck can I expect myself to stay asleep when Louis just basically called me his boyfriend?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lou's POV

I can hardly think straight when I head to the airport the next morning. All I can think about his Harry - his long curly hair, his big green eyes, his sleek, sexy body. Fuck, I'm going to get a hard on at 6am in the god damn airport.

As I make my way to the terminal, suitcase in tow, all I resist the urge to text him. He's surely asleep, and we've been texting all night. But I feel so invested in Harry - so obsessed. I already liked him before. And now, after meeting him, I just felt ecstatic.

I had finally met the one....

Maybe.

I know it sounds crazy. Like, I literally talked to this guy all day every day for a few weeks, met him on a date for a few hours, and now feel like I want to be with him long term. It's definitely something that Liam will make fun of me for. But, fuck, what doesn't he make fun of me for?

Usually, I consider myself a pretty logical person, but I'm well aware how illogical this situation is. I just - I honestly just don't care.

I don't care that he lives thousands of miles away.

I don't care that he's weird.

I don't care that he laughed at my dick during our fucking hookup.

I don't care that he shared about his bathroom habits in the restaurant.

I don't care that he throws fruit on the ground like crazy person.

I don't care about any of it - in fact, those are all the quirky little details that make me like him even more. All the little things. By sharing those things with me, Harry has shown me that he trusts me. That he's able to be open and honest. And most importantly, that I can trust him and be open with him too.

It's clear from the day I started talking to him that Harry was a little bit broken, a little damaged inside, a little bitter. And I never cared about that - I just wanted to get to know him, and he gave me the chance. I'm so fucking glad I took it.

As I wait in the airport terminal, I text my dad telling him I'm going to be staying with my aunt this winter break. I already asked her about it and she said yes. I claimed I had an internship set up and needed a place to stay, but in reality, I just wanted to be in New York to see Harry. Because I will not wait another semester to see his beautiful face again.

I just can't.

Three weeks left. Fuck - there's still three weeks left in the semester and I honestly don't know how I'll make it. I mean, I can and I will. I know I will, but I don't want to. I just want to be with Harry.

"Chicago, Gate Change. You will now be leaving from Gate 35."

I roll my eyes, hopping up and grabbing my suitcase to move to the next gate. The flight to Chicago is three hours and I planned on sleeping the entire way, but now I'm not so sure.

Fuck Harry for being so cute. I don't think I'll ever get him off my mind.

A/N: This chapter sucked. Sorry. They're both just really into each other and I thought it would be cute to show their reactions. I am gonna make this story a little longer - hopefully. I plan to go up to their first I love you.... which happens over the upcoming winter break.


	13. Waiting

Harry's POV

"These finals are killing me," I say to Niall over coffee one day after class. It's been two weeks since I last saw Louis, and we only have a week and a half of school left. Finals period is right around the corner, and to say I'm dreading it would be understatement. 

"Tell me about," Niall agrees, taking a sip of his coffee. "This Spanish paper will be the death of me." 

He's totally right. We have a 9 page analytical essay due in a week, and I haven't even chosen my topic yet. 

"Yeah," I reply. "But at least we get to relax after break." 

Niall raises an eyebrow. "You get to relax. I'll be doing winter classes. Gotta make up for my failed exams last semester."

"Oh right," I reply. "Well, I'll be here too. We can hang out."

"Wait you're not going back to England?" Niall asks. 

"Nah," I reply. "I mean I am, for Christmas and all. But the week after exams, I'm gonna stick around.... Louis is coming back to New York."

"No fucking way," Niall says, hitting me playfully. "That's awesome." 

"Yeah," I say, blushing. "You can even meet him, if you want. He's really chill."

"That would be awesome, mate," Niall says. "He sounds great." 

I nod and smile. He is great, more than great. In fact, ever since our date, things have really been heating up. While we used to be fiesty and make fun of each other, Louis is now being really open about his feelings for me, calling me his 'babe' and showering me with compliments. We still flirt and poke fun at each other here and there, but it's so clear Louis wants me, and I want him too. 

Our conversation this morning, for example, read as follows:

Louis: Hey cutie :) morning 

Harry: Hey Lou :)

I also sent a selfie of my morning bed head, making a silly face. 

Louis: Oh my god Harold why are you so cute 

Harry: I was born this way

Louis sent a selfie, with his chiseled jaw and beard. He's wearing a lab coat and holding a pipette. 

Harry: OMG, Lou you're not supposed to text in the lab 

Harry: Go do work 

Louis: haha, true, but it's a risk I was willing to take 

Louis: I miss your face. How many more days?

Harry: 12

Harry: I miss u 2 

Louis: Ok, ugh that seems like forever 

Louis: I'll go do work now :P 

Louis: Have fun in class babe 

Harry: Thanks babe :)

As you can see, I don't really use pet names as much as Louis does. It's sort of because I'm nervous about getting too intimate with someone, especially because my last ex - Stephanie - took advantage of me.

"I never really liked you Harry," she told me the last time saw her, this past May. "It was never that serious was it? Just hooking up..."

To me, it had been a lot more than hooking up, especially considering I told her I liked her multiple times, and she told me she liked me too. Sure, it was never boyfriend-girlfriend status, but there were feelings there. The way she would pet my hair, kiss my head, call me 'baby.' That couldn't have been a strictly sexual relationship - could it have? 

After that, I really started to question if I was good enough. If Stephanie didn't like me, there must have been a reason, and I started to get worried other people would leave me just like she did. Trust issues became a huge problem for me, and they were probably the reason why my following relationship with another girl, Amanda, crashed and burned after just a few weeks. I kept questioning if she liked me, and eventually she got sick of reassuring me that she did.

Needless to say that fucking sucked. But it explains why I'm a bit guarded with Louis. I mean, honestly, I do trust him a ton - more than anyone else I've been with. And I truly believe that his feelings for me are genuine. I would hope they are, because mine definitely are for him. Either way, it's just kind of hard for me to express my emotions towards him. I don't want things to come back to bite me if this whole relationship ends up being a joke. 

Niall's voice interrupts my self-analysis, and I snap back to reality, refocusing on the coffee in front of me. 

"Anyways, we should get going," Niall says, finishing off his coffee and tossing it in the nearby can. "I'll catch you later, yeah?"

"Yup, see you, Niall," I reply, following him out the door. We wave goodbye and head our separate ways, to our next classes. On my way to the history building, I sneak a peak at Snap Chat, and re-read my conversations with Louis. Why is he so fucking adorable?

Lou's POV 

One week. One mother fucking week left before I see Harry. It's not just any week, though. It's finals week, and I have four essays to hand in and an exam to take and a lab practical to complete and I'm nowhere near finishing any of it. 

There's only one thing motivating me to finish the semester, and that's Harry. Because as soon as I'm done here, I'm getting on a plane to New York, and I'll see him again. I'll see those huge green eyes and that long curly hair. And I'll get to touch him, fuck I'll get to touch him and hold him and cuddle him and kiss him. 

I nearly drop my beaker onto the countertop at just the thought of it. But no, no I need to focus. I can't obsess over Harry just yet. I have school to finish. 

Sighing, I set my beaker down and finish up the chemical procedure. It only takes about thirty minutes and then I'm free to toss my culture in the freezer and go. I'll have to come back tomorrow for the results. 

As I head home, I take out my phone, and resist the urge to text Harry. I've been messaging him way too much lately, and the more I message him and see his selfies, the more I miss him. I need some god damn self control.

Luckily, a notification at the top of my screen distracts me - it's from Liam. 

Liam: Dinner tonight at Outback?

Louis: Odd choice, but ok

Louis: G'day mate 

Liam: lmao ok cool, let's go when you get home 

Louis: Sounds good, kangaroo 

Liam: omg stop 

A few minutes later, I arrive in the flat. Typical Liam. He wants to go out for dinner when it's his turn to cook. He better be fucking paying. 

"Ready?" Liam says, running out of his room and towards the kitchen where I'm standing. 

"Do I look ready?" I ask, pointing to my lab coat. "Let me change first." 

Liam rolls his eyes. "You're never ready!" he whines. 

I shake my head and jog to my room, grabbing jeans and a long sleeved shirt. Then I grab my wallet, keys, phone and coat and dash to the front door. 

"I'm ready before you!" I shout over my shoulder. 

Liam sprints towards me, nearly pushing me out of the door, and we both step into the hallway. I lock up and then we head downstairs to Liam's car. 

"Not in the mood to cook tonight, I figure," I say sassily from the passenger's seat as we enter the highway. 

"Am I ever?" Liam laughs, his amber eyes lightening in the setting sun. 

I chuckle. "Of course not. So what's new with you?"

"Nothing," Liam says. "Tons of final essays and grading to do. I hate being a TA."

"At least you get paid. I do my lab work for free," I groan. 

I pause for a minute, instantly swiping my phone open as I see that Harry has sent me a new snap. I open it immediately, smiling to myself as I see an adorable mirror photo of him, in black skinny jeans and a white collared shirt. He is wrinkling his nose and making an angry face. 

'Niall forcing me to go to this pregame,' he writes. 

'Aww, you look adorable tho,' I reply. 

He really does. 

"Oh my gosh, is that Harry again?" Liam laughs, trying to take a peek at my phone. 

"Eyes on the road, mister," I tut, wagging an eyebrow at him. "But yes, it's Harry. He's looking quite adorable in his party clothes tonight."

"Aww," Liam says. "You have it bad for him, don't you?" 

I shrug. Liam knows all about my relationship with Harry, which I haven't been able to stop talking about since our date. If I didn't know any better, I would think Liam is jealous of us - he hasn't been in a relationship in ages, and he hasn't always been the best about hiding his passive aggressive attitude.

"Maybe I do," I reply. "What's it to you?"

Liam laughs, but looks at the road blankly. "Nothing, it's great, Lou," he says. "Happy for you."

"But?" I ask, rolling my eyes. There's always a but with Liam.

"But, isn't it kind of crazy to do long distance with someone you hardly know?" he asks, turning his head so he can check for traffic before exiting the highway. 

"I mean, logically yes," I reply. "But with Harry, it's different. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I know him already. And the chemistry we have - it's just crazy. There are people who I've dated for months and never had that type of chemistry with."

"Of course. Chemistry. Because you're a biochemist," Liam says. 

"No, but seriously," I continue. "I just know he's right for me. I wouldn't do this with anyone else."

Liam nods, though I doubt he believes me. I don't really care. Liam is a pessimist and a skeptic. I can be too sometimes, but never when it comes to Harry. That dimpled smile just turns me into a ball of sunshine and optimism. 

Soon afterwards, we head down the exit and pull into the Outback parking lot, which is directly next to the highway. I hop out of the passenger seat and make a mad dash for the lobby, which is quickly filling with people. 

"Let's go, kangaroo, get your ass in here!" I shout to Liam. Something tells me he doesn't appreciate my humor. But that's totally fine - that's what I have Harry for.


	14. Sharing

Harry's POV

When I go to pick Louis up from the train station, my heart is beating faster than it ever has before. I text Louis a quick "here" and then stand on the platform waiting, trying not to panic over how I'm about to see Louis in literally five minutes.

I bite my nails nervously and readjust my parka. It's mid December and it's fucking freezing. But I don't mind the cold at all - honestly I'm too focused on Louis to even feel it.

Five minutes go by and then ten. Then 15. I pace around. Louis still hasn't answered. When 30 minutes go by, I start to get nervous. Where is he? Is he okay? Is he standing me up? No- he would never... would he?

Eventually I get a text on Facebook messenger from Louis. "Hey- phone died, Im using a strangers phone. train got delayed but I'll be there soon."

I sigh And smile, trying to calm myself down. Okay. Okay okay. He's coming soon. That's great.

When the train pulls up a few minutes later, I nearly run to the door. But I stay composed and decide to let Louis come to me.

He emerges from the train car in a Black puffy parka, dark washed skinny jeans and vans. Suitcase in tow, he jogs over to me. "Hey, Love!" He shouts, throwing his hands around me. "Sorry about the wait."

I pull him towards me, locking our lips together. We stand there for a moment, kissing and breathing heavily. Just the touch of our lips is enough to send tingles down our spine.

"It's okay," i reply, as I pull away. "I missed you so much."

"Miss you too, Haz," Louis says with a smile. His blue eyes crinkle around the edges and his little teeth sparkle beneath the subway lighting.

"Let's go then, yeah?" I say, leading him upstairs. I have a date planned to go get Italian food, but we have to go to my apartment first to drop off his bags. Technically, he could have gone to his aunts first and then come to me, but neither of us could wait that long. We wanted to see each other ASAP.

"You look adorable in your parka," Louis gushes as we head down the sidewalk.

"As do you," I giggle. Why is he so sweet?

"How was the trip?" I ask, pointing towards my apartment. I fumble with my keys and unlock the door, though it takes me a while. Louis just gets me so flustered sometimes.

"Not bad. I tried to sleep but there was a screaming baby of course," Louis replies with an eye roll.

"Aww, poor baby. You didn't get your nap," I tease.

Louis hits me playfully on the arm, and follows me inside. We hop in the elevator and head to the fourth floor where I live.

"Wow, this is nice!" Louis says excitedly, looking around my apartment.

"Thanks," I say, blushing. I had spent so much time cleaning it up and reorganizing just for Louis to see it for two minutes.

Louis drops his bags down on the floor beside my bed. Then he turns to me, a sexy look in his Eyes.

"Hey you," he says in a husky voice. He comes towards me and grabs my waist tightly, running his hands up and down my torso.

"Missed your touch," I breathe, kissing him on the forehead.

"Me too," Louis replies. I can feel myself growing hard and I'm too caught up in the moment to try to hide it.

"I, um," I begin. "Do you want to make out a little?"

"Read my mind," louis replies, raising and eyebrow. "Here, I'll take off your shirt this time..."

It's not too long after that that we're both on my bed in our boxers, making out passionately. Louis is straddling me, grinding his hips wildly against mine. I'm covered in love bites at this point, and I don't even care. I just grip louis' soft tresses and moan for him. It feels so fucking good.

"Haz," louis says, between kisses. "You're incredible."

"You are," I reply. I flip him over, and begin to straddle him, sucking on his collar bone a bit and massaging his biceps.

"Mmm," I moan. "You're so muscular. Sexy."

"So are you," louis says, licking his lips. He's so convincing I almost believe it. But I know I'm not that fit - I need to get a bit more muscle definition. Maybe then I'll feel confident.

Louis pulls me close and grips my ass, squeezing my butt cheeks. "So hot," he growls.

I gyrate my hips a bit and grab his jaw to kiss him. His mouth tastes like peppermint and cigarettes. I fucking love it.

Louis smiles and begins to kiss me all over, planting tiny little kisses on my nose and cheeks and chest. I sigh and fall onto my side, letting him caress me. I feel so safe, so warm, so cared for.

Lou's POV

We never did end up making it to that Italian restaurant that evening. Harry and I spent so much time hooking up on his bed that it was nearly 10pm by the time we finished. We didn't have sex of course. He's a virgin still (when it comes to anal with a guy) and I know he wants it to be special. But we kissed a ton, and did a bit of hand stuff.

"I'm starving," I say eventually. We're lying on our backs looking at the ceiling, my head on Harry's chest. His hands around my waist.

"Same," he moans. "But too lazy to go out. It's too cold."

I nod. I'm definitely not going out there again. "Wanna order in?"

"Sure. Sushi good?" Harry asks, opening up the seamless app on his phone.

"I fucking love sushi," I reply, licking my lips.

"Awesome," Harry says, his green eyes widening as they adjust to the light of his phone.

We end up placing an order for 5 different rolls to split and an order edamame. Harry - adorably - sets the table, placing utensils and plates on the countertop of his island kitchen, which is just outside the bedroom.

"My stomach is like burning with hunger," I complain, taking a seat at the table.

"Oh no," Harry says. "I'm sorry. Do you want a snack in the mean time? I have like chips and yogurt and stuff."

I shrug. "Sure, I'll have a yogurt," I say. Harry jogs over to the fridge, his cute little ass bouncing in his boxers as he does so.

He hands me a Moller yogurt and I snort. "Racist," i giggle. "German yogurt because I'm German?"

Harry rolls his eyes. "Yes, hitler," he replies, in a Germán accent.

Not too long after I finish my yogurt the food arrives.

"Fuck yes," i say, between bites. "This is so good."

Harry is seated across from me, and he's eating slowly. Normally I would try to restrain myself more, but it's not the first date and I'm super hungry.

"Yeah," Harry replies, taking a slow bite. "It's the best place in this area. Even better if you eat it there."

I nod, and watch as Harry fumbles with his chop sticks, nearly dropping his sushi roll into his lap. 

"Fuck," he laughs, his cheeks flushing red. "I'm a messy eater, sorry."

"No worries," i say. "You look so cute when you eat."

Within a few minutes, I inhale my food and set the trays aside, satisfied. Harry is hardly done though, and ends up leaving several rolls behind.

"Full," he mutters, pushing his trays away.

I nod but look at him suspiciously.

"Haz," i ask, as we begin to clear the table. "Sorry if this is weird, but why don't you finish your food? I noticed on our first date too, and in your snaps of your food, there's always some left."

Harry stops in his tracks, jutting out his lower lip slightly. "I um," he begins. "It's kinda a long story."

"You don't have to tell me," I say softly. Suddenly I remember the photos of Harry on the track team with his sunken face and his skeletal legs. Maybe he's still struggling.

"No, um," Harry looks at his hands, and then takes a seat back at the table. "I've been meaning to tell you."

"Yeah?" I ask, grabbing his hand for support.

"Yeah, i mean it's sort of embarrassing but I used to be really underweight," Harry explains, his voice lowering a bit. "I went on a diet for track and i took it too far. Got really sick. Um, eating disorder. I had to go to the hospital and all. I know, mostly women have it. It's lame... shoulda been stronger."

"Hey," i say, stroking his hand. "It's not lame or embarrassing at all. You're strong for admitting that."

Harry nods, biting his nail. "Thanks," he says. "But yeah i recovered. Gained the weight back, it's just kind of hard still to eat. Like i eat a decent amount, but I don't like feeling full. I guess that's the effect of having a voice in your head telling you not to eat... sounds crazy... sorry..."

I shake my head. "Not crazy at all. I used to binge and purge for a while in high school too," I admit. "I was never sickly thin and it didn't last long but I get it... that desire to lose weight, to be as thin as possible."

Harry looks up at me, his soft green eyes expanding. "Do you?" He says softly.

I squeeze his hand. "Yeah," i say. "You're not alone, babe."

I jump down off the chair and rush over to Harry, giving him a hug.

He hugs me back, and I feel wetness on my shoulder.

"Hey," i say. "It's okay. It's okay, love. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm here okay, if you ever need help, yeah?"

Harry nods, and pulls away from the hug, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of the long sleeved T-shirt he's wearing.

"Yeah, ok, Lou. Thank you," he says, smiling.

"You're doing great by the way," I add with a smile. "Youre really fit, harry. Strong. Inside and out."

"Aww," Harry says. "Well thank you. But enough of this emotional mush. Do you want to go zone out and play video games?"

I grin at him, pushing a loose curl out of his eye. "Sure."

A/n: sorry for the slow update! I graduated this weekend. this is so sweet omg louis is so supportive. What do you guys think?


	15. Introducing

Harry's POV 

Sadly, the night of Louis' arrival, he has to go home after we finish playing videogames. He's 24 and a grown adult, yet his aunt is super strict about curfew and won't let him stay there if he doesn't follow it. She might not have furniture in her house or spend any time there during the day, but she sleeps there and she certainly notices when Louis isn't home. 

I wished that Louis could have stayed the night at my place, but I don't mind. We'll have that opportunity another time. I hope.

Louis and I don't see each other for a few days after that. I have a few appointments to take care of, and he's trying to find a job in a research lab. But at the end of the week, on Friday, we meet up again to go window shopping and grab a bite to eat. 

"You're so cute," he tells me, grabbing me by the waist and kissing me chastely on the lips. Every time I see Louis my heart starts pounding and a silly smile spreads across my lips. I definitely look the way my gold retriever, Rocky, looked when I came home as a kid. Overeager, ecstatic, and totally in love. 

I pull Louis into a hug. "You smell good," I whisper, breathing in his cologne. Then I wrinkle my nose. "Louis, can we find a bathroom? I have to poop?"

Louis rolls his eyes and hits me playfully on the shoulder. It's only our third date but it feels like our fortieth - I feel like I can tell him anything, no matter how weird or embarrassing and he'll still care about me. He'll still be here. 

There's something almost magical about being in a long distance relationship. As much as the distance and lack of intimacy sucks, it creates a powerful bond between you and your partner. Anyone can date their neighbor down the hall or the boy across the street. But it takes a special type of commitment to stay with someone even if they live miles and miles across the country. 

Louis and I certainly have something special. And thinking back to our first Tinder conversation, I never ever thought I would end up with him. But here we are, walking through Times Square, holding hands. He's leading me to the bathroom like a little kid, and I'm squirming around as I walk because I have to go so bad. 

It's fucking hilarious. But it's also adorable. 

I think I might....

"Harry!" Louis calls, snapping me out of my thoughts. "There's the bathroom, love. Want me to come in and change your diaper?"

I shake my head, staring into his deep sapphire eyes. "No, I can do it myself," I reply. "I wore the Elmo diapers today. They're easier to take off."

Louis chuckles and then heads to a nearby bench to wait for me to go inside the cafe to use the restroom. 

Eventually, I come back out, holding too coffees. A latee for me, and a black coffee for Louis. 

"Aww, cutie, you didn't have to get me a coffee," Louis says, smiling up at me. His beard looks thicker than normal - I guess he hasn't been shaving as much lately - but I really like it.

"I couldn't poo in there if I didn't by anything," I admit, blushing. "But let's just pretend I was being thoughtful."

Louis rolls his eyes and I take a seat on the bench next to him. We sip our coffee in silence and my mind starts racing as I try to figure out what he's thinking about. How is he feeling? I know he likes me... but does he feel as jittery and excited as I do? I just can't seem to tell...

"Harry, stop tapping your foot," Louis says, grabbing my leg and running his hand down it. "You seem more nervous than you did on our first date. What's wrong, love?"

I shrug and cuddle closer to Louis, putting an arm around him. "I don't know, I guess I'm just a bit anxious. I'm wondering what you're feeling right now, or thinking," I reply. 

Louis laughs, his squeaky little voice rising an octave. "Oh honey," he says. "I'm not thinking about anything. Sometimes I just space out. I'm focused on the taste of the coffee, the sound of the cars, the touch of your hand. I don't know. I just feel peaceful."

I stare at him, my lips parting a bit as I try to think of what to say. "I don't think I've ever felt that way before. Peaceful," I say, widening my eyes. "I'm always thinking about something or another. Or worrying about something. That's wild."

"You're wild," he says, planting a kiss on my forehead. 

"Wow," I say, a bit embarrassed. "Well, that's so interesting. You feel relaxed with me."

Louis tosses his coffee cup, now empty, into a nearby can and then turns to me, giving my hand a squeeze. "I feel so relaxed with you," he says. "Like I can just be myself."

I nod, causing a few loose curls to fall out of my beanie. It's a cold day and I can see my breath, but I'm sweating under my jacket. I don't know why he makes me get this way. 

"I feel like I can be myself," I tell him. "But I also feel a bit nervous sometimes. You give me the butterflies." 

"Aww," Louis coos. "So do you, Harold. The butterflies in my dick."

I stick my tongue at him, folding my arms and turning away. "Not what I meant, you crazy lad," I snap. 

"Come here," Louis says, draping his arms over my shoulders. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. The kind in my stomach too."

Chuckling, I turn to him, grabbing his jaw and pressing our lips together. "You give me dick butterflies too," I whisper. And we both burst out laughing, there in the middle of Times Square. We're surrounded by thousands of people, but it feels like it's just the two of us. It's just me and Louis. My Louis.

Louis' POV

Harry and I have been on a few dates already. We didn't see each other the week of Christmas and New Years because he went back to England to spend the holidays with his family. But once he got back a few days ago, things have started to get pretty serious

We're boyfriends now, Harry and I. We made it official one night after eating Chinese takeout and cuddling on his bed in our pajamas. My friends back at home were ecstatic for me, as I haven't dated anyone seriously in a really long time. Similarly, Harry's friends were super supportive. In fact, it's not too long afterwards that he introduces me to his best friend on campus. 

"You're going to love Niall," Harry gushes as we bundle up and prepare to go out into the cold. "He was in my Spanish class and he's super funny and kind. A very chill guy." 

"I'm sure I will, love," I tell Harry, linking our arms together as we venture out into the cold. The weather has only been getting icier, and on days like this I would prefer to stay inside, but I brave the storm for Harry. He's more than worth it. 

I'm a bit nervous to meet Niall, if I'm being honest. I'm a very laid back guy and tend to make a good impression on most people. But I am stubborn and opinionated and not afraid to back down if someone challenges me. I once got into a 30 minute argument with one of Liam's friends about global warming, and let's just say he hasn't introduced me to many of his friends since. 

But to my surprise, Niall is actually really easy to get along with. I was expecting Harry to have angsty, quirky friends like him, yet Niall is as calm and collected as they come. 

We meet up in a barbecue restaurant in Queens, which is supposedly one of the best in the city. Niall is waiting outside when we get there, and Harry rushes over to him, pointing at me excitedly. 

"This is Louis!" he says, beaming. "He's real."

Niall laughs and extends a hand to me. "Nice to meet you, lad," he says with a thick Irish accent. "I'm Niall."

"Hey," I reply. I give his hand a firm shake. "I've heard great things about you."

Harry wedges himself in between the two of us and we walk inside to what looks like the set of a Wild West movie. There are cowboy boots and lassos decorating the walls, not to mention a bathroom that looks like an outhouse. It's pretty much a modern day saloon. 

Niall, Harry and I go up to the front and order. You have to buy meat by the pound, so I decide on a half a pound of pulled pork and some coleslaw on the side. Harry orders pulled pork too, but gets cornbread on the side. And Niall gets the brisket with mac and cheese. 

Once everyone is done paying, we take our trays of food to one of the wooden tables. Harry takes a seat next to Niall, and I sit on the opposite side. 

"So, how are you liking New York?" Niall asks, taking a bite of his food.

"I quite like it, yeah," I reply. "It's much different than Chicago. Different vibes. People are a little more uptight."

"Like Harold here, right?" Niall jokes slapping a hand on Harry's shoulder. 

"Fuck off," Harry says. "You're the one who panicked over your B plus."

"I deserved the A!" Niall cries. "It's not like I used Google Translate to write the entire essay."

Harry rolls his eyes. "It was a super hard essay," he admits. "I don't even wanna tell you what I got on it."

"So what do you study?" Niall asks, looking up at me. 

I take a bite of my pulled pork, which is delicious and mouthwatering. Maybe this is the best place in the city. 

"Biochemistry. Or biochemical engineering," I say. "AKA I work with chemicals in a lab."

"Nice," Niall says. "You found a real smarty-pants, Harold. Nice work."

Harry blushes. "Louis is really smart. He's like genius level," he says, batting his eyes at me. 

Honestly, had Niall not been there I would probably have tackled Haz and attacked him with kisses. But I have to control my urges right now because we're not alone.

"Stop it," I reply, shaking my head. "So what do you lads do for fun around here?"

"Oh, there's lots," Niall says. "But usually we just have pregames or chill drinking in my room. Harry is the star, always chugging the vodka."

Harry blushes, and I catch his eye, smiling. "Oh trust me," I say. "I know. I've gotten many a drunken snap from Harold. But there was also one of you dancing on a table, Niall. Or at least I think it was you."

"Could have been," he says, pushing a few strands of his dark hair out of his eyes. "Things get wild. But it's not every weekend. We don't have the stamina."

Harry nods. "It was definitely you, Niall," he giggles. 

"Shut up Harold, I'm trying to make a good impression on your boyfriend," Niall says. He makes an angry face, but then starts to laugh. 

We continue conversing for a while, and Niall and I get to know each other a bit more. He's from Ireland and studying economics, minoring in Spanish. He wants to go to grad school at some point, or maybe just work for a company. He's funny, likes soccer, and is clearly Harry's best mate on campus. 

I'm happy that Harry has someone so upbeat and caring grounding him on campus. I feel like he could get really down on himself without that kind of support, and I clearly can't always be there given that I live in Chicago.

Eventually, we finish our food and clean up. Harry struggled to even make a dent in his pulled pork, and looks up with me worried eyes. 

"It's okay, Haz," I say, smiling. "We'll get the rest to go, yeah?" 

He nods and I get him a to go tray, helping him wrap up the food. Then, Niall, Harry and I head out of the restaurant. 

"Awesome to meet you, mate," Niall says, patting me on the back. 

"Same here," I reply. "I'll see you around, for sure."

"Definitely," Harry chimes in, giving each of us a hug.

I stand there, watching him. And all I can think is that I have the most adorable boyfriend ever.


	16. Working Out

A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much for your support on this story. I have gotten a lot of positive feedback and I want to thank you for sticking with it. To be completely honest, this story is a bit emotionally draining to write, as it's almost entirely based on my actual relationship with my boyfriend (he is Louis, I am Harry). Obviously, certain details are changed, but the storyline and order of events are real. It takes a lot to tap into my memory and sort of makes me sad since our relationship is no longer this fluffy and loving. Sorry if the updates are slow or sporadic. I will try my best to keep up with this story and give you guys what you want to see! I was planning on ending this at chapter 20, but honestly, if it seems like readers are interested in learning more, I can try to make it longer and add time hops. We shall see.

Harry's POV

"Lou, there's no good movies playing," I whine, as we round the corner and enter the theatre on 86th Street.

We've almost been dating a month now and this is one of many dates we've had over winter break.

Louis rolls his eyes. "Calm down, Harold," he says. "We'll find something."

We enter the lobby of the theatre, hand in hand, and look up at the big board of showtimes. There is absolutely nothing that looks of interest to me, so I decide to filter it by wait time. I'd rather see something immediately than have to wait around all day.

"Okay, let's just see that one," I say, pointing to a movie that starts in five minutes. "The Big Short. 6:05."

"Sounds good to me," Louis says, planting a kiss on my cheek. We head to the register and I go to pay, but Louis stops me.

"It's okay, love," he says, grabbing my hand. "I've got this, you get the next thing, yeah?"

"Yeah, okay," I say, squeezing his hand. "Thank you, babe."

As soon as we get our tickets, we rush into the theatre. We're super late, so it'll definitely be a challenge to find seats. I also overheard someone saying this was the first day the movie was out - so it's also probably going to be crowded.

"Holy shit," Louis whispers as we enter the dark theatre. It's packed to the brim with people - and not just any people. Everyone here is at least 60 years old or older.

"Oh my god," I giggle. "I picked an old person movie!"

"Shhhhh," a librarian-looking old lady says, wagging a finger in our direction.

I take Louis' hand and lead him to the back, where I can see two empty seats. There's two old people to my left, but no one to Louis' right.

The movie begins - it's something about the stock market - and I suddenly realize that it may be the most boring film in the entirety of human existence.

"This movie sucks," I groan to Louis. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he replies. "It was either this or a Disney film. Either 60 year olds or 6 year olds."

I chuckle and Louis wraps his hand around my shoulders. This would probably be the time that a newer couple would slowly, slowly, start holding hands and maybe even kissing. But I immediately take that moment of contact as an opportunity to lean in and start passionately making out with Louis.

Maybe it's because we're in the honeymoon phase or maybe it's because I find him wildly attractive, but I simply can't resist Louis once I'm within a 5 meter radius of him. It's like I have to touch him. I have to kiss him. I have to run my hands all over his muscular back and squeeze those bulging biceps. I have to...

"Ehem."

A woman with a cane is now approaching - about 20 minutes into the movie. I don't know how, but she someone pulled up a folding chair next to Louis and is sitting next to us as we make out. Is this a joke?

I give her a weird look and then stop kissing momentarily. We just sit there holding hands and trying to watch this awful movie. Steve Carrell is in it, but this is probably the only movie he's ever done where he's not playing a funny character.

Eventually, I can't stand it anymore and lean over to kiss Lou again. He kisses me back, biting the inside of my lips and my hands travels down to his crotch. I put my coat over his waist and start to slip my hand inside his pants. He leans his head back and struggles to hold back moans, grinding his teeth and squeezing my shoulder.

I'm so caught up in the moment that I completely forget about the lady of the cane. I'm suddenly reminded, however, when she starts to tug the coat off of Louis' waist, nearly revealing the hand job that's going on underneath.

"Hey!" I whisper, pulling the jacket.

"Hey, you," she snaps back. "Knock it off!"

Louis locks eyes with me and covers his mouth to prevent laughing. Once again, we go about our business, but it's not too long before the coat is over my lap, and Louis' hands are inside my jeans. The lady with the cane doesn't try to stop us this time, and Louis removes his hands just in time before I uncontrollably scream in pleasure.

We both feel satisfied.

The movies continues - not that we've really even been watching it - and I rest my head on Louis' chest, tired from our shenanigans.

"That was so fun," I whisper, holding his hand.

"It was," Louis says, giggling. "It's always fun with you. No matter what we do, even going to see a bad movie."

It's quiet for a while, and then Louis puts his lips to my ear, pulling me in closer.

"Hey, Harry," he says quietly.

"Yeah?" I ask.

My heart is beating so fast I begin to question if I'm having a panic attack. What is he about to tell me? What is all this dramatic buildup for?

His lips hover over my ear for a moment. "I think I love you."

OH. MY. GOD.

He loves me? Loves me. ME? No one has ever loved me before. Ever. Aside from my family. But never romantically.... oh my goodness.

Tears start to form in my eyes and I turn to him, throwing my arms around his neck.

I lean in to him, and put my lips to his ear now. "I love you too."

Louis' POV

My relationship with Harry has me feeling absolutely intoxicated. I can't stop thinking about him, and even though we hang out every few days, I still miss him the minute I go home.

I told him I loved him for the first time last week at the movies. I didn't even plan to do it - we were just there in the movies surrounded by old people, giggling, and fooling around and having the best time despite how boring it was.

At the moment, I felt like nothing else in the world matter. It was just me and Harry and we made each other happy and that was enough.

The words escaped my lips before I could stop them, and I was so scared about how he was going to react. So terrified. Because what if he didn't say it back?

But he did. He did right away too, which isn't always the case. I was so relieved to know we were on the same page. We always have been, I think. Since that first day with the poop selfies in the bathroom, it was clear we were the same type of person, completely compatible, totally weird, and absolutely inappropriate.

"It's like someone designed you in a lab for me," I told Harry the other day, pinching his cheeks.

He smiles up at me, dimples forming. "Same with you, babe," he replied, nestling his head onto my chest. "You're like my little sexy robot."

Today, Harry and I are going to the gym together for the first time. My workouts have kind of been put on hold since Harry and I started dating. I don't own a gym membership at my aunt's place, so I've been doing at home workouts. But today, we're going to Harry's gym and he's going to swipe me in.

"What muscle group today?" Harry asks, as we head into the lobby of his gym.

"Legs?" I ask, with a shrug.

"Okay," Harry says, smiling at me. "But I may die."

Harry is wearing a tight muscle tank and black athletic shorts and his long hair is pulled into a white headband. On his feet, he's wearing black Nikes with white socks that go up to his shins. He looks absolutely adorable.

"I can lead the workout," I offer.

Harry bites his lip. "Okay."

"What's wrong?" I ask. He looks sort of like he's about to cry.

"I.. I know this is silly," he starts. "But I'm just a little nervous to work out in front of you. I'm not as good as you."

I shake my head and put my hand on the arch of Harry's back, leading him to a more secluded area on the side of the gym.

"Hey," I coo. "Hey, honey. It's not a competition. I won't judge you at all. Okay?"

Harry nods, staring down at me with his big green eyes. "Okay, babe," he says.

"Awesome," I reply. "So let's go to the squat rack."

Harry and I make our way over to the squat rack on the opposite side of the gym. "Warm up with just the bar," I say. "I'll start."

I do a set of 20 reps and then put the empty bar back on the rack. Harry looks at me, expectantly, and then I nod, motioning for him to go.

He gets up to the bar and I already notice he's not doing it right. He's hardly squatting down low enough. Honestly, he's only really doing half a squat.

"Lower," I tell him. Harry squats a bit lower, but barely.

"Lower, even lower," I say again. Harry lowers himself even more. It's still not enough.

I sigh and let him continue with the incorrect form. I can tell it's hard for him, because he's so tall. I'm much lower to the ground, so I can easily get a lower, deeper squat.

When he's finished, Harry puts the bar back, and looks over at me, blushing.

"Sorry I did it wrong," he says, biting his lip.

"It's okay," I say, patting his back. "You're super tall, so it's hard to get low. We'll try better on the next one, yeah?"

I put weight onto the bar now. Two plates on each side. Harry stares at me in awe.

"Oh my gosh," he says, pointing at the two 45 pound plates. "You're so strong. I can't even lift half that."

"I've been doing it for years," I say, wagging a finger at him. "You'll get there soon."

I crank out my reps and then remove the weights so Harry can go. Harry puts on one 25 pound weight on each side. He gets behind the bar and starts to squat, this time getting much lower to the ground.

"Better! There we go," I say, smiling at him.

"Was that good?" Harry asks, as he finishes.

"Much better, love," I say, kissing him on the head. His curls are getting all sweaty and starting to get plastered to his head. It's so fucking hot.

We continue to go through the reps, increasing the amount of weight we squat each time.

After four sets of squatting, Harry starts to complain.

"How many are we doing?" he whines, wiping sweat off his face. "My legs are dying."

"Four more," I say, nonchalantly. My legs burn too, but I'm used to it.

"Ugh," Harry groans. "That's so much. I usually do 5. Not 8."

"It'll be over soon," I say, adding more plates to the bar. "You can do it."

During the next set, Harry starts to do the half squats again. It's probably because he's tired and doesn't notice it.

"Babe, lower," I say, walking over to him.

"I can't or I'll drop this," he grunts. "Too heavy."

I come behind him, spotting him from the back. "Go as low as you can," I say. "I'm right here holding onto it if you drop it."

Harry does as he's told and lowers himself to a full squat. He hesitates for a minute, and then pulls it back up.

"Good," I say. "Give me two more."

One.

Two.

"Nice!" I say, helping Harry get the bar off his back.

He smiles at me, wrinkling his brow. "I simultaneously love and hate you right now," he giggles.

We keep going, and both of us are getting completely exhausted. We stop for water at some point, and then return. Harry is definitely not feeling it.

On his second to last set, he does nothing but half squats, hardly even trying to get low to the ground.

"Harry, come on," I say, encouraging him.

"Fuck, I can't do it," he groans.

"Just one more," I say. "You have it in you."

"I fucking can't," he yells. "Fuck, just take it from me. Take it, take it."

He starts to drop the bar and I grab it quickly, helping him up.

"I fucking suck at this," he says, anger enveloping his voice. "You're clearly the expert, Louis. Why don't you just work out alone instead of criticizing me? I'm clearly incapable."

He storms off to the bathroom and I stand there, completely dumbfounded. Did we just.... did we just have our first fight?

Holy shit.

I stand there next to the bar, waiting for Harry to come back. I can't really help it, but I start tearing up. My face is getting all red and blotchy and I know I look ridiculous. Fuck.

It's all my fault this happened. I shouldn't have pushed him so hard. He's new to this exercise, and I was being really harsh. He probably feels embarrassed he couldn't do it - he already told me up front he was nervous to work out in front of me.

Fuck. What have I done?

I sit down next to the bar, my face in my hands. I'm not sure how long I'm sitting there, but eventually Harry comes back and sits down next to me.

"Hey," he says softly. His face is a little red too. "I'm sorry I blew up at you. I was just getting so frustrated and embarrassed. I felt overwhelmed."

"Oh my gosh, Harry, no I'm sorry," I say, taking his hand. "I shouldn't have pushed you so hard. I was being a drill sergeant. I knew you were nervous too, but I wasn't being sensitive."

"It's okay. It was mostly my fault," Harry says, giving my shoulder a squeeze. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I say, wiping a tear from my eye. "I just got a bit emotional because I felt like I let you down. I know it's silly...."

"It's not silly," Harry says, smiling. "It's sweet. And you didn't let me down, love. Far from it. You're teaching me a lot."

"Am I really?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," he replies, standing up. He offers me a hand and I take it. "Let's finish the last one, yeah?"

"Okay," I say with a nod. "And no tears from either of us."


	17. Fucking

Author's Note: Buckle up, lads! Tons of smut ;) 

Harry 's POV

After the gym, Louis and I head back to my place. We're both totally sweaty, but that doesn't stop us from fooling around on the train. Louis squeezes my ass and gives me a kiss on the cheek. 

"Awesome workout, babe," he says. "You're so fit."

I laugh, wishing I could believe him. I mean I do... I know I'm in good physical shape. Logically, at least. But emotionally, I sort of feel like I'm not good enough. Louis is so muscular and can lift so much more than me. I'll never be that fit.

I say thanks anyways and pull Louis closer to me on the subway seat, stroking his waist. His ass was straining against his joggers as he did the squats earlier and that's all I can think about right now. 

"Mmm, can't til we get home, babe," I say to Louis, taking his hand. 

"Same," he says, licking his lips. 

I don't know if I've ever been this horny before. My hands are shaking and I feel like I might get a hard on at any moment. I can't fucking wait to get home. 

In terms of getting intimate, Louis and I have hooked up a ton since we first started dating, and it's all been absolutely amazing. We've done everything pretty much. 

Everything but sex. 

To be honest, I'm not quite sure why sex hasn't come up yet. Louis said he wants to wait a little since he knows I'm a virgin, wants me to be comfortable with him first. But I feel like I'm more than comfortable. Maybe even ready. 

I don't mind waiting a bit though. I'm actually glad that our "I love you" came first, before the sex. Because now I can tell him that when I call his name. I can tell him I love him during sex and that's something I've always wanted to do. It sounds magical. 

"Our stop, babe," Louis says, jumping up and leading me out to the platform. 

We head up the stairs to the sidewalk and walk down the block to my apartment, holding hands. 

"Hey, Lou," I say, biting my lip nervously. I'm not even quite sure what it is I want to tell him. I just know I'm really turned on, almost to the point that I can't contain myself. 

"Yeah?" Louis says, swinging my arm a bit. His blue eyes lock with my green ones and he runs a hand over his stubble. 

Hot.

"I think...I think I want to have sex tonight," I blurt out. 

WOW. Okay then...I guess I just said that. 

"Wow, um..." Louis begins. "Awesome, okay. Are you sure?" 

I nod, my curls falling over my headband and getting into my eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure. I'm a little nervous though," I say, laughing a bit. 

"We don't have to though," Louis says, putting an arm around my waist. "We can wait."

"No," I reply. "No, we've done everything already. I just want this... I feel like the timing is right. I feel ready." 

"Okay," Louis says, giving my ass another squeeze. I bite my lip and close my eyes. "Let's head upstairs then."

The next thing I know Louis and I are running like it's a marathon to get up to my apartment. Like fucking sprinting up those stairs, which ends up being extremely painful because of those squats we did earlier.

As soon as we reach my floor, I unlock it and swing it open. We rush inside, and Louis and I stand there in the foyer, taking our own clothes off like it's a locker room. I pull of my shorts and boxers off and slam dunk them into the hamper.

I had been wearing neon orange briefs with a little panda design on the booty. Wow, I think to myself. Great choice for the day I lose my virginity. 

"What the fuck," Louis giggles, stripping his own clothes down and smiling over at me. Once he's fully naked, I grab a hold of his chest, rubbing his pecs and kissing him passionately.

I instantly notice that we're both hard now, and suddenly, I start to to panic. I wasn't prepared for this at all. 

Louis can sense the fear in my eyes. He's always been perceptive like that.

"Don't worry," he says. "I have lube and condoms in my bag."

I nod and jump onto the bed, waiting for Louis to come back. He jogs over to me, his dick bouncing against his thighs. Then he straddles me, planting kisses all over my torso. 

"Ugh," I moan. "I can't even wait, Lou. Just give it to me."

Louis looks at me, a seductive look spreading across his face. "Yeah?" 

"Yeah," I reply, nodding. My heart is racing but all I really want is to feel what it's like to have Louis inside me. 

"Okay," Louis says, putting the condom on. He lathers some lube on his fingers and I turn around, shaking my ass at him. 

"Come here, silly," he giggles, grabbing a hold of my waist. 

He slowly eases a finger in, using the lube to open me up. We've done this before. It feels cold and a bit invasive, but once he picks up speed it starts to feel better. 

Louis slides in another finger and then a little while later, he inserts another. "Holy shit," I cry. "That's kinda painful."

"Sorry, love," Louis says. He removes his fingers and tries again with just one finger. It's a good pace and it's pleasurable. I like it. 

"Second one," he announces, sliding in the next one. I feel myself getting wider for him. 

"Uhh," I moan. He's sort of hooking his fingers now, hitting my prostate. I feel this delicious, throbbing sensation. "Good."

"Okay, last one," he says. This time, the third finger goes right in. It's still a little painful but not as bad as before. He keeps doing it, he keeps opening me up for a little while longer, causing the throbbing to get more and more powerful. 

"Are you ready for me now?" Louis asks, pressing down on the arch of my back. I turn back towards him and nod. 

"Yeah," I whimper. "Ready. Just be gentle."

"I will be," Louis says, stroking my back. He removes his fingers and suddenly I feel the tip of his dick against my ass. 

Oh my god. 

I turn my head so I can get a better look at it. Is it fucked up that I want to see myself being penetrated? Louis smiles at me, aligning his hips with my ass, and then slowly starts to enter me. 

Or at least he tries. 

I am not opening up at all. It sort of seems like I'm doing it on purpose, but I'm not. I want him to fuck me, but suddenly all my muscles are tensing up and it's not happening. 

"Baby relax," Louis says rubbing my back some more. "Easy." 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to calm myself down. Maybe I'm just pysching myself out?

"You're doing great," Louis coos. "I'm gonna push again."

Louis pushes his hips forward a second time, and this time I feel some penetration. But it's not a good feeling. It sort of feels like I'm being stabbed in the ass with a knife. 

"Hurts," I say, biting my lip. 

"Sorry, love," Louis says. "I just have to get deeper in and then it'll feel better. Promise. But if you want me to stop just tell me, okay?"

"Okay," I say. I hope he's right...

Louis thrusts again. It still hurts like a bitch. The condom is lubricated and we even added lube, but it's not helping. It feels like sandpaper. 

He keeps going and that's when I yell out. "Fuck! Take it out, take it out."

Louis pulls out and lies down next to me on the bed. 

"I'm sorry it hurts, Haz," he says, stroking my chest.

"I'm sorry I can't open up," I reply, frowning. "I'm embarrassed." 

"No, stop it," Louis says with a sexy smile. "No reason to be embarrassed. This happens a lot for peoples' first times." 

"Does it?" I ask. I'm not sure if he's just trying to make me feel better or actually telling the truth. 

"Mhm," Louis replies, kissing my cheek. 

"Well, okay," I say. "Sorry to stop you. Let's try again."

"Okay!" Louis says, hopping up. "I'll get a new condom and put extra lube on. I'll put a little inside you first too."

Louis takes off the old condom and throws it out and then grabs a new one, putting it on and coating it with lube. He puts the extra lube on his fingers, and rubs it around inside my opening.

"Ready?" he asks. "Actually, shake your booty a little, Haz. I kinda got soft."

I look down. I got soft too. Shit. We need to do this in a timely fashion. 

I wiggle my ass around, giggling a bit. Louis grabs a hold of one of my ass cheeks and massages it. "Mmm," he breathes. "Ready."

He starts to enter me this time, much more slowly. It hurts terribly, put I bite my lip. He just as to get it inside and then we can actually enjoy it.

"You okay?" Louis asks, thrusting forcefully. 

"Hurts still," I say quietly. 

"Hurts for me too," Louis grunts. "Damn, you're tight. You okay though?"

"I'm okay," I say. Hopefully, he can't see me blushing. I feel pretty useless in this situation because there's nothing I can do to help. I guess I could thrust backwards too, but it would probably just cause me to tear my asshole lining and bleed everywhere.

"Okay," Louis says. "Okay, almost inside." 

He does a really big thrust. "Fuck!" I scream. "Tryna kill me?"

"Should I take it out?" he asks, slowing down.

"No," I reply. "No, you're almost there, I feel it."

"Okay," Louis huffs. He continues to thrust hard and fast until finally, finally I start to feel something other than pain. It's not even pleasure yet - it's just, movement. I can feel him in there, long and hard, thrusting around. 

I don't think I've ever felt something so odd before. 

"How does it feel?" Louis asks. "I'm fully in."

"Umm...." I say. I guess I'm supposed to be like 'hell yeah. oh yeah. amazing.' But it doesn't really feel amazing - I just feel a weird pulsing sensation followed by a bit more pain. 

"I'll start slow," he says, beginning to move in and out. 

"Okay, yeah," I say. "Starting to feel better." 

"Okay, I'll go medium, tell me if you like it," Louis says. 

He starts to speed up, and I can feel his pelvis slapping against my butt. Each thrust gets increasingly faster, and suddenly he does it - he hits a good spot, and I feel instant pleasure. 

All that fucking pain was worth it. 

"Good, that's good," I say, moaning a bit. "I like that."

"Okay," Louis says, continuing. "Okay, good. You feel so good, Harry. You're so sexy." 

"Uhhhh." A moan escapes my lips now. I've orgasmed from Louis' hand jobs and blow jobs before, and that was pretty extravagant. But I just know this orgasm is going to be insane. He's doing such a good job.... what is he even doing? How did he even learn this... ugh...

Louis keeps going and I turn to him, parting my lips and making eye contact. "You're amazing," I whisper. 

"No you are," he grunts back. He lets out a low moan and squeezes one of my buttcheeks, causing me to squeak in pleasure. 

We were already sweaty from the gym, but now we're both dripping and panting like it's a fucking sauna.

A sauna, yeah, I think. A sauna in my asshole.

Eventually, Louis starts going even faster and I feel myself start to leak precum. 

"Fuck," I moan. "Fuck. Gonna cum."

Louis nods and pulls out, rushing over to me and watching me cum all over the bed sheets, moaning out and collapsing on top of my pillow. For a moment, I feel nothing but pure bliss, and I close my eyes, envisioning Louis plowing with me with his ripped, sexy body. 

Holy Jesus. 

A little while later, I open my eyes and look over at Louis. He is gripping his dick and starting to jerk himself off. 

"Harry," he moans. "Finger me a little." 

I nod and lick my finger, reaching it up and sticking it into him. I start to weave in and out, and suddenly Louis is moaning too. He cums after a few minutes, and we lay down next to each other, breathing heavily. 

"Oh my god," I pant. "That was awesome."

"It was," Louis says, tussling my hair. "You were awesome."

A/N: HHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAH my first time went something like this. im a girl so obviously a bit different. but i was all like 'it hurts fuck it hurts!!!! is it in yet??? ahhh!' lmao i just revealed the most intimate details of my life. RIPPPPP. hope it at least entertained u im gonna cry now.


	18. Getting Serious

Trigger warnings: talk of eating disorders - just a refresher because i kind of forgot this too: At the moment, Louis is really into working out and tries to keep a 'clean diet.' Harry works out too and is struggling to recover from an eating disorder he developed in high school. Louis had bulimia in middle school.

Louis' POV

After Harry and I have sex, we sort of just lie there, smiling at each other like idiots. I knew having sex with Harry for the first time would be good - but I didn't know it would be this good.

I've have sex with a few lads in the past. I did fancy some of them, but I never had sex with someone like Harry. I never had sex with someone I loved.

Honestly, I have taken a guy's virginity before. So that wasn't new to me. I only ever top. Bottom just isn't my forte. But what was different was how connected I felt to Harry, how intertwined our bodies felt in the moment.

I had to be gentle with him. Of course I had to be gentle with my delicate little flower. I usually like it rough, but I didn't mind at all. Harry was so nervous, and I wanted him to feel comfy. So I went at his pace, slow and sensual.

It was hard getting in, I will admit. I felt so bad for the poor lad, because I know how much it hurts when you're not opened up enough. I mean, it hurts me too, just trying to jam my dick in there, but nowhere near as bad as it does for him.

Once I was finally in, though, it was amazing. Absolutely blissful. I grabbed him by the hips and I could just feel him so intensely. That's what it was - intense. There's no other way to describe.

And his moaning. Fuck, his moaning was so god damn hot. Harry is so god damn hot in general. I mean fuck, have you seen has body? Those long, sexy legs. His muscular arms, his toned torso. He's so god damn hard on himself, and some days I just wish he could see himself the way I see him. Beautiful, lovely, flawless.

"Mmm, I love you, LouBear," Harry says, crawling onto my chest.

"I love you too, Haz," I say, kissing him on the head. "Like so fucking much."

"Sex was so fun," Harry says, the corners of his mouth turning up into a sneaky smile.

"It was," I reply, giggling and pushing loose curls out of his eyes. He's covered in sweat and all out of breath, but he still looks so b e a u t i f u l.

"Come here, my baby," I say, pulling him up so he's lying next to me. "You know you're so gorgeous, Harry. Right? Like you know that?"

Harry pushes out his lower lip and looks at me with wide eyes. "Thank you," he says shyly. "Thank you, so are you."

"Aww," I reply. "Well thanks, Haz. But that's not what I asked. Do you know... do you know you're beautiful?"

"I mean... I guess," Harry says. He blushes and burrows his head into the crook of my neck, hiding from me like a little kid.

I tickle his neck and he jerks away. "Stop!" he whines.

"I guess? You should know. I want you to know," I say, peering into his eyes. He's still squirming even though I have stopped tickling him.

"Okay, okay. Now I know," Harry says, making a duck face.

But I'm not convinced. I know it can take ages to gain body confidence, but I just wish I could like... show him...

Moving closer to him, I lean over him and start planting kisses all over him. On his chest, on his arms, on his thighs, on his tummy.

"Harry styles, you are so fucking hot," I say between kisses. "That if I could kiss every part of you I would."

"You probably already have," Harry giggles, pulling me into a hug and squeezing my shoulders. "You're my Teddy Bear."

"You're my cuddle bug," I reply, squeezing him back.

I'm so fucking content I could cry right now. Truly. And I don't get emotional easily. Okay, that's a lie. I just cried the other day over our minor fight in the gym. Correction: I don't get emotional easily, when it comes to things unrelated to Harry. When it comes to Harry things, I'm a huge fucking baby.

"Hey Hazza," I say, my voice breaking a bit from emotion. "I know this is gonna sound crazy.... but I want to be with you, like. For a long time."

Harry smiles and his dimples form little creases on his cheeks. "Aww," he coos. "I wanna be with you for a long time too, babe. Like, I never met anyone so perfect for me. And so weird - weird and crazy just like me."

I roll my eyes and stick my tongue out. "You're weirder."

"Hey, I'm not the one who shit themselves during a workout!" Harry cries out, digging deep into the bank of 1,001 embarrassing details he knows about me.

"That was one time!" I cry. "And I didn't shit myself, it was just a small shart. I got to the bathroom in time."

"Same thing," Harry giggles. "But I'm only kidding. We're equally weird and that's a proven fact." 

"Okay," I say, furrowing my brow. "Fine. We're equal. Now let's go get something to eat. Pizza?"

"You read my mind, babe!" Harry says, grabbing his phone to place the order.

"Babe-telepathy," I say, chuckling.

"Okay," Harry replies. "Now you're the weirder one, Louis."

I giggle and shimmy my shoulders a bit. "Yay! I won the competition."

"Wasn't a competition," Harry retorts. "Ugh. You know I am so annoyed... because when you're annoyed with me you can call me Harold, my longer name. But when I'm mad at you, what do I say?"

"You can call me by my middle name," I say with a shrug.

"William?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Well that," I reply. "Or my other middle name."

Harry shoots me a questioning look. "What's your other middle name?"

"Manfred," I say. Harry bursts out laughing, his deep voice reverbating through the tiny apartment.

"What the fuck?" he screams. "You're kidding!"

"I'm not!" I cry, my voice raising an octave. "My parents wanted to give me a German middle name too since we lived in Germany."

"Get the fuck out," Harry says, placing the pizza order on his Seamless app. "Okay, Manfred. Stop being a buzz kill and help me pick a pizza."

I lean over his shoulder and look at the options. But neither of us can focus. We're way to focused on my weird middle name and our insane comparability and the fact that we just had mother fucking bomb ass sex.... for the very first time.

That stuff can all be enough to cloud someone's mind and then some.

Harry's POV

I am so incredibly nervous today. I bit my nails and then I bit my cuticles and then I started chewing on my bracelet. All I want to do is curl up and hide. But of course I can't.

Today is the day that Louis meets my parents for the first time, and I just know it's going to go horrendously. My dad is super conservative - it was a struggle to even get him on board with accepting my bisexuality - and my mom is overbearing. I never had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend before, so I never had anyone to introduce them to. But Louis and I have been together for almost two months and they want to meet him.

Fuck.

"Harry, stop it," Louis says, massaging my shoulders. "You're more nervous than I am, love. Relax."

"Ugh," I groan, straightening my collar. "I wish I could. But I know how crazy they are. I hope they like you - or that you like them."

"It'll be fine, Harry," Louis says, planting a kiss on my head. "Look, there they are now."

My stomach flips and I turn around to find my parents entering the lobby of the restaurant. They're smiling, but I know it's only a coverup for the extreme judgment brewing beneath the surface.

"Harold!" my mother squeals, running over to me. Oh dear lord. Let the games begin...

"Did you get my text?" she asks. "I wasn't sure if I should put in the new prescription. Oh and also, your brother was asking the name of that chemistry textbook you needed.... I couldn't remember.... do you know? Oh my gosh, Harry. Your hair is a wreck, are you using the product I sent you from New Zealand?...."

I zone out after less than a minute and turn to Louis, looking for help. My mother will eventually quiet down and mellow out throughout the evening, but she's always a mess of anxiety and questions when I see her after a long visit - or when I see her ever, really.

"Hi, Mrs. Styles," Louis says, extending a hand. She's finally done with her questions, and Louis comes to my rescue before I have to answer anything. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Louis."

"Hello, hello!" she says, shaking his hand. "Pleasure to meet you. Des, get over here!"

My dad makes his way over, and my stomach starts to sink. Kill me now.

"Hello, Mr. Styles," Louis says. He's so gracious. If these were his parents, I would be cracking under the pressure like a fucking plaster mold. I have no idea how Louis is pulling this off.

"Hey there, Louis," my dad says, giving his hand a shake. "Nice to meet you."

After the introductions, we head over to the hostess and give the reservation name. She leads us to a large table for four in the back of the restaurant. This place is sorta expensive, but not awful for New York City prices. Definitely out of the budget for me and Lou, though.

"So, Louis, what do you study?" my mom asks, folding a napkin over her lap.

"Biochemical engineering," Louis says. "At UChicago."

"What a smart lad," she says. "Wow. Do you like it there?"

Louis is smiling and seems to be doing well with my mom, or at least he's good at faking it, so I turn my attention to the menu and begin to look for something to eat.

But of course I'm rudely interrupted.

"Harry, how's it going?" my dad asks, making eye contact. Ughhhhhhhhhh....

"Good," I say. "Relaxing break. Classes start soon."

My dad nods and looks over at Louis. "Do your classes start soon too?"

"Yeah," Louis answers, shortly after finishing up a thought he's telling my mom. "They start in about a week. I'm going to miss Harry."

"I'm sure you are," my mom says. "I heard you've had so much fun together over break. Lots of movies and restaurants and ice skating."

"We both fell a ton on the ice," I admit, thinking back to the day we went ice skating in Central Park. Neither of us could skate for our lives, and we ended up constantly falling on top of each other, bringing both of us down to the ground. It was super frustrating, but also super hilarious.

"We did," Louis chuckles. "Maybe movies are a better activity for us."

My parents both laugh politely, and I can't tell if it's genuine or not.

A little while later, the waitress returns and we place our orders. When she's gone, a siren begins sound outside. I think nothing of it, but my dad's ears instantly perk up.

"Did Harry tell you, Louis, that I was a cop for 25 years?" my dad asks. Oh no. Here we go...

"No," Louis replies. "That's quite cool."

He's looking all dapper in his powder blue collared shirt and his freshly sculpted beard. I feel sad that his sexiness is being wasted on this silly dinner with my parents instead of in the bedroom with me.

I shut that thought down immediately, though, because nobody wants a boner in front of their parents.

"It is cool," my dad says, taking a slice of bread from the basket. "I was in the 17th precinct for years. One of the roughest in East London. I know how to handle a gun real well. So if you ever mess with Harry...."

He makes a gun symbol. Did he really just do that? did he really... for fucks sake.

Louis laughs along with it, his squeaky little chuckle filling the air. I moan and put my face in my hands. "Dad, stop," I mumble.

"What?" he asks, shrugging in my direction. "I'm just telling him what would happen if he doesn't behave....."

"Okay, Des," my mom says, grabbing his arm. "That's enough. Jokes over."

"It's not a joke though," he says, winking at Louis. Louis blinks and chuckles nervously.

"Anyways," I interrupt, rolling my eyes. "I'm taking a Latin American film class next semester. Niall will be in the class."

"Oh yes, Niall!" my mom says excitedly. "Tell us about your new friend Niall...."

I tell her, and it buys me some time for a while until the food gets there. My dad finally shuts up once he has some Rigatoni in his system, and my nerves settle for just a little.

That is until dessert arrives.

It's okay, Haz, I say to myself. It's a special occasion. Your parents are here. You can eat this.

I fucking hate how I have to do this. Convince myself to fucking eat. Like it's a crime if I do or something. But ever since my eating disorder in high school, things have never been the same. It's always been hard to eat junk foods. It gives me anxiety because I never really like I deserve it. 

I work through it though. I almost always push myself to eat dessert and treats when I'm with friends or family. It makes me feel good, being able to dine at out a restaurant and go to social outings and just eat what's being served. When I was sick, I would hardly leave my house because I was so afraid to eat junk food. Now, I'm much better. Much much better.

But it's still hard.

I look over at Louis, who no doubt is also struggling. I know he's probably anxious because he's trying to eat healthy to keep up with his physique or whatever. He's always talking about it too - discussing how much carbs are in things. Or asking for salad instead of rice or pasta on the side when we go out to dinner. Even when we got pizza yesterday, he refused to eat the crust because of 'extra carbs.'

I wish he knew how much it triggers me.

Taking a bite of the Tiramusi, I smile at Louis, who smiles back. I'm sure he has no idea he's hurting me, but I decide that we have to have a talk about this at some point. The whole food thing. Because it's hard enough for me to eat, let alone listen to him talk about his dietary restrictions.

My thoughts are interrupted when the check arrives and I realize we can get the fuck out of this place and away from my parents.

"Thank you so much, mom and dad!" I say cheerily - maybe a bit too cheerily. "Dinner was great."

"Yes, thank you so much," Louis chimes in, smiling at my parents.

"No problem," my dad says as we clear out of the table. "It was great to get to know you a bit, Louis. You're always welcome to come visit in England."

"Oh, thanks," Louis says politely. "You as well. And wow, that is quite far, but I might just come."

"Great!" my mom says, giving me a hug. "Good to see you boys. We're off to the hotel."

They start to head out and then my dad suddenly turns around and makes a beeline towards Louis. He lunges towards him and lifts his shirt to reveal the barrell of a gun which is sticking out from beneath his pants.

"Oh my god!" Louis says, jumping back.

No. He. Did. Not. Jesus.

My dad works as a security guard, so he always has to carry a gun - but Louis doesn't know that. He probably thinks my dad is a psycho murderer.

"Told you, if you ever do anything to Harold... ka-bam!" my dad says.

Louis laughs nervously and nods. "Won't be a problem, Sergeant Styles."

"Good," my dad says, putting the gun away. Then he saunters off with my mom.

I turn to louis, ready to apologize. But All I can think is: Kill me, kill me now.

A/N: Ahhh okay, so this is based on real life events. We never had a real sit down dinner with my boyfriend, but he met my parents by visiting the house / car rides. My dad needs to carry a gun for his job - he is not that crazy, but his sense of humor is a bit warped and he clearly scared the fuck out of my bf. LMAO poor Louis in this chapter. We will get his POV on this later.

Also, I've decided since I'm getting so much positive feedback I am going to continue past chapter 20, maybe to chapter 30 or 40 (we'll see). The relationship goes on for another 2 years after this point, so I am definitely gonna fast forward.... The next major time block L + H will spend together is the summer. So I will be moving onto that soon. It's hard for me to remember every detail of my relationship, but I will try my best to write this thing for y'all. Tinder romance is real hahaha.


	19. Visiting

A/N: this is a bit of a boring chapter and it also has a lot of time hops.... I promise there will be some drama soon. Stick with me :D

Louis' POV

It's February now. Harry and I are back at school, and it's only been a few weeks but I miss him so much already. We still snap all the time, and sometimes I even FaceTime him. But it's not the same as holding him in my arms, stroking his biceps, tracing his jawline.

I miss his touch.

Luckily, I have school to keep me at least somewhat preoccupied. Things have really been picking up in the lab, so I've had to come in more than usual. And Liam and I have been seeing eye to eye a bit more lately... kind of. He actually cooked for the first time in weeks yesterday, and tomorrow we are going to host a get together at our place. But even though times are getting busier, nothing replaces Harry. Not even the gym.

Harry. Fuck. We've only been together for four months, but honestly it feels even longer than that. I know it sounds silly and cliche, but Harry seriously is the best thing that ever happened to me. He's taught me so much - how to love, how to be loved. How to be sensitive, how to communicate, how to share, how to cuddle.

I am by no means the best boyfriend ever. I'm still learning, and I have fucked up before on more occasions than one. But I'm trying my best to get better for Harry. To be the best I can be for him. He told me a few weeks ago that my dieting was triggering his eating disorder, and I really tried to change that. I stopped talking about food and exercise as much, and I try to talk it through with him when I notice he's struggling.

Despite his struggles, Harry is doing really well currently, even though he may not be able to see it. His friendship with Niall has really grown and he's also made a couple of new friends by joining the Spanish club. He's taking an advanced Spanish film class right now, which is hard, but I know he can do it. He's a smart little fucker.

Today, for example, Harry told me the following:

Harry: Spanish is so hard Lou im gonna fail - gotta present every week

Louis: you present to me every day

Louis: your beauty and cuteness

Harry: stop being a mush. im so fucked, lou, my spanish isn't good enough

Louis: Trust me babe, you can do it

Louis: Seriously. Your Spanish is great

Harry: Glad u think so, but will the professor think that?

Harry: Ugh, sorry to rant. How's my adorable scientist doing?

Harry: Did u brew any alcohols today

Louis: sadly no, but I did culture e. coli

Louis: no worries, cutie. don't doubt urself though

Harry: yuck was it from your butt?

Louis: no from yours

Harry: oh, ok cool

Harry: ps i miss your butt

Louis: i miss yours too. it's so cute. i named it henrietta

Harry: I named yours Dante

Louis: lmfao like dantes inferno

Harry: exactly

Louis: wow

The conversation carries on like this for a while, just joking and being silly. Back and forth, back and forth. I smile the whole time, imagining Harry in his room watching Netflix or outside throwing apples or in class pretending to pay attention.

Whenever I think about him, I picture his face and just get butterflies. Those big green eyes staring up at me, those chestnut curls falling into his eyes, those cherry lips and chiseled jawline. He's so gorgeous.

But he's even more beautiful on the inside. From the start, I knew Harry was cute and funny and quirky. But now that I've gotten to know him better, I've learned that he's also selfless and caring and passionate. He brings me snacks and water when I've made a long trip to see him, and he pays for my food just as much as I pay for his. He kisses me on the forehead and cuddles me when I'm feeling down on myself, and he sends me articles about science news that he can't comprehend for the life of him, but knows I'll love.

My favorite thing that Harry does, though, is create art. He makes all of these adorable little paintings for me, like a tiny plaque that says 'you're my puzzle piece' and a cute little sketch of the two of us sitting by the reservoir. To be honest, however, the best piece of his artwork is a nude portrait that he started making of us a few weeks ago...

It's raunchy as fuck, if I'm being real. But so is Harry, and I love it. I love him.

Harry's POV

I'm currently freaking out because it's March now and I am going to visit Louis in Chicago for the first time ever. I guess I shouldn't be so worked up - Louis and I are super close, and we do everything together. Or, we did over winter break.

But it's been two months since I've seen him, and I guess I'm just feeling a bit insecure. What if I gained weight or am less funny or can't perform as well in bed as I did last time? Louis and I are both super excited for this visit and I don't want to disappoint him.

"You'll never disappoint me, babe."

Louis assures me of this almost all the time, and I try to believe him but it's hard. 

A few weeks ago, for example, we were having sex, but I wasn't opening up and we were having trouble getting it in. As I panicked and started to cry, Louis scooped me up in his arms and asked what was wrong.

"I'm scared I'm letting you down," I whimpered, wiping away tears.

"Honey, you'll never let down," he cooed. "I'm so proud of you always. Lucky to be with you."

I looked up at him with teary eyes, my cheeks red and my nose wet. "Really?"

"Really," he said, planting a kiss on my forehead.

I think that's when I knew I loved him, truly, deeply, fully. That there was no one else like him, no one more understanding, no one better for me. 

No one more like home.

Now, as I grip the handle of my suitcase with shaky hands and head to the Chicago terminal, I start to loosen up. Louis loves me for me, and there's never pressure. Right?

Louis' POV

"Harry!" I shout, waving excitedly.

I rush over to him and throw my arms around his waist. He's wearing a black jacket with a white T-shirt underneath and dark washed skinny jeans with vans. Adorable. 

Harry hugs me back, and I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck. 

"Missed you, cutie," Harry says, kissing my cheek. 

"Um, hello?" I reply, jutting out my bottom lip.

"Oh, sorry," Harry says, chuckling. He scoops me up and grabs my face, kissing me passionately. I coil my legs around him and swirl my tongue in his mouth, chewing on his lip a little. 

"It feels good to be home," I say, taking a breath. 

"It does," Harry replies, stroking my hair. 

A few minutes later, we hop in the car and head back to my flat. I cleaned really well in preparation for Harry's visit, though in reality I'm a bit of a slob. And so is Harry - his apartment is often littered with empty water bottles and piles of clothes. 

But for the first day together, we can both pretend to be neat. 

"This is my place," I say, smiling nervously as I open the door to the flat. 

Harry walks inside and puts his suitcase down. "Wow, it's so massive!" 

"That's what she said," I giggle, wagging an eyebrow at him.

Harry spins around and then jogs to the middle of the apartment, sticking his tongue out to the side like a Golden Retriever. "I love it!!!" he giggles. 

"I love you," I say, running up behind him and grabbing him by the waist. 

There's a couch nearby in the living room, so I drag him over and we both tumble onto it. 

Harry squeezes my bicep and gives me a wild look, his green eyes darkening as his pupil expands. "You look hot." 

"So do you," I reply, licking my lips. 

Fuck. The plan was for me to take Harry out to lunch first before getting into anything sexual. But he's right here, looking super attractive, and turning me on....

"Do you want to....?" Harry asks. 

He doesn't even have to finish that question. "Yes," I reply. 

I jump up and take Harry's hand, pointing to the bedroom. My room is plain as I'm pretty lazy and never got around to putting up my posters. They're still sitting in a box in my closet, which is where they have been since September.

Without hesitation, Harry dives onto my bed, rolling around on my dark blue comforter. 

"Are you a puppy?" I ask him, sliding into the bed next to him, and stroking his stomach. It's actually quite fitting because from this angle, his long brown curls look like they could serve as puppy ears.

"I'm your puppy," Harry replies. He starts making barking sounds and that's when I tackle him and pull him into a giant bear hug. 

"Harry Edward Styles," I say, beaming. "You are the most adorable human on the face of the planet. 

"No," he says, shaking his head. "You are, Manfred." 

"Ugh," I groan. "Should never have told you my German middle name." 

"I'm glad you did," Harry says, his voice thick and husky. "Shows you trust me." 

"Do you trust me?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "What's your embarrassing secret?"

Harry wrinkles his nose, looking up at the headboard of my bed. He sort of looks cross eyed, and I crawl up and plant a kiss on his forehead. Too cute.

"Hmm," he says, a few seconds later. "Well I'm an awful driver. I failed my driving test four times in high school."

"No you didn't," I snort. I've heard of people failing 1-2 times, but four doesn't even seem possible. 

"I did though," he says, smiling smugly. "Fifth time was a charm. I would always get so anxious with the examiner in the car next to me. I would panic and immediately do something wrong."

"Aww," I say, petting his hair. "Well that would have been useful information to tell me before you drove me around New York City on multiple occasions. 

"Fuck off," Harry says, laughing and pretending to slap me. 

"At least we survived," I giggle, dodging his hand, which is coming at me in slow motion. 

"Okay, come here," I say, pulling him closer. "Let's cuddle." 

Harry nods and melts into my embrace. But we both know we won't be cuddling. At least not for very long. 

A/N: helllooooooo so much fluff ahahahah ok goodbye


	20. Smoking

Harry's POV:

"One more time," I whisper, climbing on top of Lou's chest. It's 2:30 in the morning and we just finished watching a Netflix rom com snuggled up in his bed.

"Harry," Lou groans. "Can we please just rest tonight. We've had sex like three times a day since you've been here! I'm sore."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "I'm sore too," I growl. "Not stopping me."

"You are something else," Louis giggles. His blue eyes crinkle around the edges and he grins at me, shaking his head.

"It's not my fault I have the sex drive of a cheetah," I whine, crawling off of him and rolling around the bed.

"Do cheetahs even have a high sex drive?" Louis asks. He grabs me by the waist and drags me back towards him.

"Dunno," I reply, shrugging. "But I would assume so."

Louis kisses my forehead, peering into my eyes and I feel my Crotch start to tingle. I swear my libido has no off button....

"I love having you here, Hazza," he says quietly.

"I love being here," I reply, beaming.

It's true. Since I've been here for the past five days of my vacation, we've had a blast. We went to some of Louis' favorite restaurants, explored downtown Chicago, hit the gym together, smoked weed with Liam a few nights, and got lunch with his lab coworkers. Honestly, I didn't even care what we did - I was just glad to be doing it with Louis.

My favorite thing ever, oddly enough, was when Louis introduced me to Liam during my first night over.

"Liam's home!" Lou cried upon hearing the keys turn in the door. He jumped up and scampered over to the door like a loyal canine greeting his owner after a long day.

I followed after Louis, slowly, and stood behind him, biting my lip.

"This is Harry!" Louis said once Liam entered the foyer.

I have never seen Louis look so proud of something in his life. He was smiling like crazy and looking eagerly back and forth between me and Liam, gauging his reaction. It was as if he had just won the World Cup or some shit.

"Nice to meet you," I said, extending a hand and trying to ignore Louis' absurd behavior. I mean it was nothing new, really, was it?

"Pleasure to meet you," Liam said, taking my hand. He was tall with dark brown eyes, light brown hair and a beard. My gaydar wasn't really coming through on his sexuality.... bi maybe?

"Isn't he so cute?" Louis blurted out, wrapping an arm around my waist.

Blushing, I shot Louis a silly smile and shook my head. "Louis...." I began.

"He's quite dapper," Liam replied, interrupting. "Surprised you were able to get someone so attractive, Lou."

"So am I," Louis laughed, hugging me.

I hoped they were joking. They were joking right? I'm not that attractive, honestly. But for the sake of making a good impression, I went along with it.

"Oh stop," I scoffed. "It's nothing but a ton of Botox and lip injections. My previous sugar daddy got it done for me...."

"Ha!" Liam chuckled. "He's a funny one. Just like you."

"He sure is," Louis said, kissing me on the cheek.

Liam nodded and started unpacking his backpack on the nearby couch. "Do you lads want to smoke tonight?"

He pulled out some blunt wrappers and a bag of weed. I shrugged and looked at Louis. I'm not big into smoking, but I never say no when it's offered.

"Do you wanna, Haz?" Louis asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure," I said. "Always down to smoke."

A few minutes later, Louis, Liam and I were sitting on the fire escape outside of Louis' room, passing a blunt around.

"Mmm," I said, after a few hits. "Really starting to feel it."

Louis nodded. "Me too, me too. You, Li?"

"I smoke quite a bit," Liam said with a sigh. "Not quite high yet."

We continued to pass the blunt around, staring out at the skyscrapers and lit up areas of the surrounding Chicago suburbs.

"Looks pretty," I mumbled. "I like Chicago."

"Do ya?" Liam asked, lighting up. "Better than England?"

I have no idea why, but I suddenly started laughing uncontrollably at his question. Louis, who was sitting next to me, also joined in, Keeling over as he cracked up.

"What's so funny?" Liam asked, chuckling.

"You said...." I wheezed. "England. That's like.... where I grew up!! How did you know?"

"Because you told me?" Liam said, raising an eyebrow. "Also, your accent is a dead giveaway."

"Accent!" louis squeaked. "What accent? What if we don't have accents.... it's the Americans who have the accents and they don't even know it?!"

Louis, still laughing, fell onto my chest and I hugged him tight, giggling into his hair.

"Fuck, you guys are proper high," Liam said, raising an eyebrow.

"What if we're not high," I giggled. "And what if sober people are really high?"

Liam shook his head and began to open the window to head back inside. "You lads have lost it. I'm gonna go grab a snack. You want?"

"Maybe later," Louis replied. "I am too busy looking into this green galaxy. Harry's eyeball!"

"Hahahah!" I laughed. "And I'm looking at the blue galaxy."

We sat there for who knows how long staring into each other's eyes and opening them different amounts, squinting and blinking to see it if it made a difference.

What felt like ten hours later, Lou closed his eyes and turned away. "Mmmm, tired," he said. "Lets go inside."

I nodded, and we turned around to go back in through the window. Only the window wasn't a window. It was more like a giant gaping hole that felt about a million miles away.

"Oh my god, Lou," I gasped. "That's so far. How are we gonna make it?"

Louis stared in horror at the window, which in retrospect was probably three feet away from us.

"Oh my god, Harry," he said. "Hold my hand."

I took Louis' hand like my hand like my life depended on it and together we slowly inched towards the window. Louis climbed inside first and then reached out and helped me in.

"You saved me," I cried. "I was gonna freeze out there."

"Come here," Louis said, pulling me into a hug. "Oh my god, I'm so glad you're okay."

I hugged him back, and then we slowly stood up and made our way to his bedroom.

"Haz, this hallway is like soooo long," louis moaned, hanging onto the wall for support.

"I know," I groaned, following him. "It's like a marathon."

Eventually we made it into the bedroom, but a new challenge was awaiting us. Louis' bed is lofted, and to us, it looked about ten feet tall.

"Oh my god," Louis shrieked. "It's like Mount Everest."

"Don't worry!" I replied. "I'm tall."

I walked over to the bed (which is really only a couple feet off the floor) and jumped up, launching myself onto the comforter, but missing it almost entirely.

Grabbing onto the edge, I climbed up so I was in the middle of the bed. "Louis," I panted. "Take my hand."

Louis walked over to me and grabbed hold of my hand, allowing me to hoist him up onto the bed. Once he climbed up, he plopped down onto my chest, breathing heavily.

We just lied there for a moment, and then all of a sudden I felt my cheeks start to get wet and my heart begin to race.

I was having an out of body experience, and nothing felt real anymore. The person next to me, Louis, was no longer my boyfriend, but a distant stranger. I didn't even know who he was, or if he liked me, or if he even wanted to be here.

Gasping, i lurched away from Louis. To my surprise, he did the same, rushing to the other side of the bed and staring at me with wide eyes.

"I... oh my god," I whimpered. "I feel like I'm meeting you for the first time...."

Louis stared at me, his eyes watering. I held back tears, and bit my lip.

"Um... do you still like me?" I asked, my voice cracking. "I don't even know... if you still do..."

"I... um..." Louis began. "I was wondering the same thing.... it's like meeting you for the first time too.... I thought 'does he still like me?'"

I jumped back, sobbing uncontrollably. "Oh my god," I said. "Oh my god, same."

Louis started crying too now, and moved an inch closer to me. "Do you though.... like me?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I do. Like so much. Do you....?"

"I like you too," Louis said, choking a bit.

"Oh my god," I replied, tears streaming. "No way."

I scooted over to Louis, and reached out an arm to hug him. But I instantly felt overcome with emotion and sexual tension. I didn't just feel like I was meeting him for the first time - I felt like I was touching him for the first time too.

"Can I hold you?" Louis asked, wide eyed.

I nodded, and Louis put a hesitant arm around me. My body began to flood with euphoria. I never wanted him so bad.

"Can I... can we?...." I stammered. Louis locked eyes with me and I started crying again.

"Yeah," he whispered, licking his lips. "Have sex? Yes."

"Oh my god," I said, snaking my arms around him. "Okay. Thank you. I love you so much."

We removed our clothes, slowly, and I slid onto my tummy, turning back to look at Louis.

He laid down on top of me, his warm, muscular body pressing against mine.

"You're so...." he breathed. "Beautiful."

"So are you," I said, wiping away a tear. "Ready?"

Louis nodded and slowly penetrated me. He had on a condom, but we didn't use lube. Didn't need to.

As soon as he got inside, I immediately started sobbing.

"Harry," Louis said, tapping me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, my curls falling into my eyes and mouth. I spit them out and looked up at him, whimpering. "I am. It's just so good. I can't help but cry."

"Oh my god," Louis said. He began to sob too as he thrusted slowly against me.

We both came seconds later. Literally seconds. But at the time it felt like hours -- hours of pure pleasure. When it was over, Louis and I both collapsed into a weeping pile of emotion and bliss.

Louis and I laid there for a while, staring into each others eyes again and reminiscing about how good the sex was. Eventually, we got redressed, very slowly, and headed to the kitchen for some snacks.

I had Hot Cheetos, of course. 

"Remember two nights ago -- " I begin, rubbing Louis' bicep as I replay the series of events of our marijuana-induced hookup. We're still in bed, and the movie credits are playing in the background.

"When we thought we were meeting each other for the first time?" Louis says, finishing my sentence. "Yes, I remember quite clearly. Pretty sure that weed was laced."

I giggle and shake my head. "Liam was fine though. I don't think it was. I think we just get really emotional when we smoke together. I like it."

"Do you, now?" Louis replies, kissing my head gently. "I quite liked it too. Best sex I've ever had." 

"Well we can try to recreate it..."I begin. 

"Harold," Louis says, shaking his head. "Time to sleep, babe. I promise you morning sex." 

I stick my tongue out. Morning sex is great, but not when I have a raging boner right now. I guess I turned myself on by remember our high sex... 

"Fine," I grumble, switching off the lights. 

Louis grabs my waist, allowing me to be the little spoon. I scoot my booty towards him, as a one last chance opportunity. 

"Harold!" Louis giggles. "I swear to god, your sex drive is higher than mine. And mine is high. Good night!" 

I roll my eyes and rest my head on the pillow. "Good night!"

A/N: Ahhhhh okay this was such a weird chapter. hopefully it made sense - basically when they were high they felt kind of like an out of body experience where time and depth perception was warped, which is why things felt further away than they really were and why time felt like it was passing slower. they thought they were meeting each other for the first time - this really happened to me - which madde them super emotional for some reason.... such an odd chapter mostly just fluff and smut omg sorry. but this happened to me irl also my sex drive is extremely high lmao TMI rip 

 

I also realize they havent gotten drunk together yet. IT definitely happens at some point. Would you want to see that as well? Let me know!


	21. Fighting

Louis' POV

"Hazza," I groan. It's 6am and he has a plane to catch soon, but I all I can do is pull him closer to my chest. "Can you just stay?"

Harry shakes his head, his curls bouncing and his sleepy eyes blinking up at me. "I wish, babe. But I have to finish the semester. We can run away together this summie."

"Okay," I say, jutting out my bottom lip. I giggle at the word 'summie.' Harry and I have gotten in the habit of using baby talk with each other, often ending words with an 'ie' instead of their actual ending. Water is 'wawie,' summer is 'summie.' 

My favorite is trouble. "I don't wanna get in troubie," Harry will say sometimes when we're being too loud in his flat. It's so fucking adorable. 

Harry hops out of bed and begins to tug on jeans and a T-shirt. I crawl to the edge of the bed and pull his arm. "No, Harry," I say. "This is the last time I'm gonna see you without clothes. Let me savor it for a moment."

Harry rolls his eyes, letting his tongue flop out of the side of his mouth. He pulls his pants down to his ankles and spins around in his boxers, striking a different pose at each angle and wiggling his hips. 

"Are you satisfied, sugar daddy?" he giggles.

"No," I pout. "But you can get dressed, cutie. I love you."

"Love you too," Harry says. He puts his clothes on and comes back to the bed, planting a kiss on my forehead. 

I try to kiss his lips, but he pushes my face away. "Morning breath!" he giggles. 

Rolling my eyes, I get up to use the bathroom. Harry pees while I brush my teeth and then we switch. I think of all the shower sex that we've had in this bathroom over the past couple of days and I bite my lip to suppress my boner. 

Fuck.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," I whine, walking up behind Harry and snaking an arm around his waist. 

"I know, love, me too," Harry replies. "But I will see you in only a few weeks when you come to New York in April."

"True," I say, following him out of the bathroom. I get dressed while Harry packs his suitcase, grumbling to myself about how three weeks is too long to go without my baby angel. 

Then, once we're both ready, we jog to the kitchen and grab a few snacks before heading out to the airport, a place where I've been spending way too much of my time in lately. It doesn't matter though, because it's worth it. The distance is worth it. Harry is worth it. 

"Harry," I say, on the Uber ride to the airport. "I'm so happy you came into my life, honestly."

"That I CAME," Harry snorts. "I'm happy I came too."

I elbow him in the side, and we both burst out laughing. Leave it to Harry to ruin my cheesy romantic moment.

"No, but really, Lou," Harry says, once he's done giggling. "I'm so happy too. I was in such a dark place before we met. You really lit up my world."

"Baby you light up my world like nobody else!" I sing. 

Harry rolls his eyes. "No," he chuckles. "Just no. We are shutting this down right now, Manfred."

"The way that you flip your hair, gets me overwhelmed!" I continue. I push Harry's head forward so that his hair falls into his eyes and he slaps my hand away, burying his face into my shoulder blade. 

"I'm going to kill you one day," he giggles. 

"Haha," I laugh, rolling my eyes. "Not if I kill you..."

"You can't kill me first because I'm faster than you!" Harry chimes in. 

I pull him to my chest, cradling him in a hug. At this point, Harry has been rolling around all over the back seat for the entirety of the ride, and I think the Uber driver has just embraced the fact that he isn't gonna put on his seatbelt. 

"I love you babe," I coo, stroking his hair.

"Love you, Manfred," Harry replies. 

Harry's POV 

It's about 2:30am in the morning when I get the phone call. I just had gotten back to New York two nights ago, and am currently in bed after a long night of studying for my Spanish quiz. 

Louis is a night owl, yeah, but it's not like him to call me so late. 

"Hello?" I mumble, turning on my bedside lamp. 

I peer into the FaceTime feature on my screen and nearly drop my phone. 

"Oh my god!" I scream. "What happened?"

Louis' eye is a dark purple color and he is barely able to open ir. He looks horrific, with his hair toussled and his eyes glazed over. 

"Yeah... I'm okay," he replies with a hoarse voice. "I got into a fight." 

"A fight?" I say. "Oh my god. Are you okay?"

I wrinkle my brow as Louis explains the situation to me. I'm honestly so taken aback. He's the most mellow person I know - it's not like him to get in a fight. 

"So, my friend Jon just went through a bad breakup and he wanted to go out to the pub, yeah?" Louis says, rubbing the back of his neck. "So I had a few to drink and we're heading home, yeah?"

"Yeah...." I say, grimacing. I can't stop staring at his black eye. It looks so painful. All I want to do is be there so I can hold him and get him an ice pack and run him a warm bubble bath. 

"Okay, so we are heading home back onto campus. And I see this guy kicking the bin. He's kicking the bin and trash is getting everywhere," Louis continues. "And so I go up to him and say 'what are you a pussy? don't kick the bin!'"

My eyes instantly begin to widen. Holy shit. Here I was thinking Louis had been fending off an attacker. Did he really provoke someone? That didn't seem like him at all...

"So, the guy leaves and comes back with four friends. It's two against one and my friend leaves me in the dust. Skinny guy, was useless anyways," Louis says, shaking his head. "And so, yeah. All four come at me. They're pounding me - got my eye. And then when I think it's over, I go to the campus cafe. It's open til 2am. They follow me there.... beat me again. Right next to security too...."

"Oh my god! Four people?" I cry, my eyes starting to drip tears. "Security did nothing?"

"Bloody nothing," Louis grumbles. "So, I don't even know where they hit me. I just know they hit my head a ton - not sure if I'm concussed. And my eye and shoulder are killing me.... Ugh. I feel awful...."

Wow. This is so much to take in. Louis definitely should never have made that comment in the first place. But what he said wasn't worth a four person beating. That's ridiculous. 

"Louis, oh my gosh, please go to the hospital, love," I say frantically. 

"In the morning," he says, frowning. "Too tired."

"At least put ice on it, honey. I'm so sorry," I coo. 

"I did," he replies. He gets closer to his camera, peering at the screen. "Hazza, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" I ask, chewing on my lip. 

"Like I just killed someone," Louis replies. He wrinkles his brow at me and his black eye squeezes open a bit. 

"I just... honestly... I didn't even know you were like that," I stammer. "That you would say something like that to a stranger for no reason..."

"There was a reason. He was kicking the bin and making a mess!" Louis shouts. "Are you seriously siding with the guys who beat me to a pulp?"

"No, no," I say quietly. "I just... didn't think you were aggressive like that. To call someone a pussy.... I mean, they were crazy and you didn't deserve that beating... but that comment, shouldn't have happened, ya know?"

Louis shakes his head, looking away from the camera. "Are you fucking serious Harry? I'm not aggressive... I was a little tipsy... bad judgment." 

I nod, though I'm not sure if I entirely agree with that. I'm not quite sure why, but I can't get over the fact that Louis made that comment. I can't even picture him saying it. He's my cuddle bug - so warm and cuddly and safe. Was he really capable of putting others down like that?

"Yeah. Tipsy, but even when we drink... you're always just so warm and fuzzy, Lou. Can't even imagine you saying that," I admit. 

"Well, it's a bit different when I'm out with the guys," Louis snaps. "I don't need to explain myself, Harry. I was just looking for your support."

"And you have it! You have it, baby. I'm so sorry and I want you to get medical help as soon as you can, yeah? And tell campus police! I'm here for you, of course I am," I say, readjusting the pillow behind me. 

"Okay, well thank you," Louis says, his voice low and raspy. "Just don't want you to tell me it's my fault because it's not."

Well, I think. It's not entirely your fault.... but it is partially....

"Okay, love. Okay. I'm so worried, baby," I say, trying not to cry. "We can talk more tomorrow."

Louis nods, though he looks pretty upset. I guess it makes sense - he was expecting me to consider him the victim here. But the truth is, he wasn't. At least not completely. 

"Okay, Haz," Louis says, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry... sorry to call you so late. I'm sorry I made that stupid comment. It was wrong, you're right. It's just... I wasn't thinking...."

"It's okay, you made a mistake," I say, encouragingly. "It's okay. It's okay. Get some rest, please. I will call you in the morning, okay?" 

"Okay, cutie," Louis says. "Love you." 

"Love you too," I say. 

We hang up, but of course I can't go back to sleep now. My mind is racing with thoughts and fears and worries. I'm praying to god that Louis is okay - that he isn't concussed or anything serious like that. I can't believe this happened. I mean it is Chicago, but it was on campus. In the fucking campus cafe - which has security. 

What idiot officer would stand there and allow that to happen? 

Absolutely awful. Sighing, I force my eyes shut and try to get some rest. I lay there for a while, thinking about Louis and how precious he is and how just two god damn days ago we were together. Now we're miles apart and he's hurt and I can't see him and it's killing me. 

It's killing me. 

But everything will be okay, won't it? It's always okay with Louis, always beautiful....

A/N: First off thank u thank u thank u for reading, you guys are the best. I'm so happy this story is getting new readers :D as i have said before, it's actually based entirely on my real relationship with my boyfriend (he is Louis). So he really did get injured and this is exactly how it happened. There are obviously some minor changes in certain aspects of the story, and if you're curious let me know and I can explain what's based on real life and what isn't. But yeah, he got injured from this fight and it was really sad and he still has permanent injuries from it today, years later. Kind of a sad ending to the chapter but we will find out what happens soon! + then Louis and Haz will spend a beautiful summer together in NY :D yay for that. 

Comment and ask questions I wanna hear from ya! xoxo S


	22. Checking

Louis' POV

I feel dizzy and nauseous when I wake up the next morning. It hurts to move my shoulder more than a few centimeters. It hadn't felt that bad last night, had it?

Wincing, I pull myself out of bed and head to the bathroom. My eye is even more swollen than it was last night, and darker too. Disgusting.

As I head back to my room, I realize I don't even have the energy to take the bus to the hospital. But Liam is already at work, and I have no choice.

Groaning, I pulled a jacket over my throbbing shoulder and made my way to the bus stop, the chilly air nipping my cheeks.

A little while later, as I sat on the bus, I thought about how stupid it was of me to make that comment. None of this would have happened had I just kept my stupid mouth shut. Harry was right to be upset - it was totally immature behavior.

I thought about what he said - how he would never have expected me to say something like that. Maybe he doesn't know me as well as he thinks he does. Yes, I'm soft and cuddly with Harry because he's my beautiful boyfriend. But with other people I'm not so nice.

In fact, I can be a real dick sometimes. I'm opinionated and usually I'm quiet, but I can be a loud mouth if I feel seriously enough about a subject. I just wish I knew what was important to speak up about and what wasn't. And to keep cuss words out of the equation.

Sighing, I hopped off the bus and headed into the lobby of the hospital. I hate the hospital - the white walls, the bustling people, the smell of cleaning fluid. Growing up, I was injured at least once every few months, and needed stitches on more than one occasion. And last year, I had gotten my appendix removed while on vacation in Germany.

I'm not stranger to these white walls, clearly. But it doesn't mean I enjoy being here - especially when it's on my own accord. I sit down in one of the chairs and fill out the paperwork. I'm mostly concerned about my shoulder. My head hardly hurts anymore, but I know they will check me for a concussion to be safe.

"Thank you," the receptionist says when I finally hand her back the stack of papers.

"How long do you think it'll be?" I ask, my voice still a bit hoarse.

"Not sure. Maybe another two hours," she says with a shrug.

Amazing.

I take a seat in one of the chairs, far away from the other patients who are coughing or groaning or have been impaled with some sort of metal object.

I open my phone to a myriad of texts from Harold.

Harry: Hi babe I hope you are ok and that you made it to the hospital <3

Harry: I am so worried about you and love u so much

Harry: You scared me

Smiling, I begin to type a reply. He's so cute and loving. How did I get so lucky?

Louis: Hi babe, sorry to scare you like that

Louis: Yes, I'm at the ER right now waiting

Louis: don't be worried i'll be ok

As I wait for Harry's response, I put my feet up on the coffee table. My eyes close for a little and I begin to drift asleep, only to be woken up a little while later by a stressed-looking nurse.

"Tomlinson?" she asks, shoving my shoulder roughly. "No one responded when they called the name, so I'm assuming it's you, sleeping beauty."

Rubbing my eyes I stand up. "Yeah, sorry."

"Come with me," she snaps, rushing down the corridor.

Ah yes, the American hospital system. So lovely.

About two hours and several tests later, my results are ready, and I sit down with the doctor to review them.

"No concussion," the doctor, a bald-headed man in his 50s, tells me.

"Cool," I say, tugging at the sleeve of my shirt.

"We have to do an MRI on that shoulder, though," he says, raising an eyebrow. "You'll have to come back. It might be torn, and if it is, you could need surgery."

"What, oh my god," I say. The last thing I want is another fucking surgery. In addition to being uncomfortable, they're super fucking expensive.

"We'll see what happens, Mr. Tomlinson," the doctor says, getting up to leave. "Make an appointment at the front desk. No exercising your arms until then."

Holy shit that's right.

If my shoulder is fucked up, I can't work out at all really. I need my arms for everything - even for leg exercises I put pressure on my arms.

As I walk out of the office, I bite my tongue with rage over those stupid guys who did this to me. I would probably be out of the gym for the next month - at the very least. I can't afford to lose that kind of progress... my entire physique will go to shit.

And not just that. I like the physical effects of working out, but I like the mental effects even more. It helps me burn off steam and de-stress after a long day. What am I gonna do now that my only hobby has been taken away from me?

Harry's POV

"How is he, do you know?" Niall asks me over coffee. It's a few days after Louis' fight, and I totally forgot to update Niall since last class.

"Oh, yeah he's ok. No concussion," I say between sips. "He has a bad shoulder injury though. Might need surgery."

"Oh no, mate!" Niall says, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, it sucks," I say, taking a bite of my scone. The cafe is packed today and Niall and I took the only seat left, which is a small cramped table in the corner. "He loves working out and he's sort of crushed that he can't anymore."

"Oh no, yeah, some of those bodybuilder lads get really intense about the gym," Niall says. "By the looks of him, he's really fit and into that kind of stuff."

I nod and bite my lip. He is really into it -- and I can only imagine how much he is going to restrict his diet in response to not working out anymore. God help me....

"Yeah," I reply, finishing off my lattee. "It be obsessive."

"Well, let's hope he gets healthy soon," Niall says with a smile.

This is why I love Niall. He's always so positive. We really have no idea when Louis will get better or how long it'll take, but just hearing that from Niall sort of makes me feel hopeful. Almost.

"Yeah, let's hope. I just wish he never made that comment," I admit. "It's so out of character. He said he acts different with his friends than he does with me... .do you do that?"

Niall furrows his brow and looks down at the table for a second. "I don't know... I don't think so. I mean I will slightly alter my personality depending on who I'm with, but nothing dramatic. He's never a bit feisty with you?"

"I mean, I guess he could be," I say, trying to think back if Louis ever acted like that. "I guess I just really put him on a pedestal. I think he's perfect and incapable of mistakes."

"Everyone makes mistakes," Niall says, half smiling.

"Everybody's got those days!" I giggle.

"Everybody knows what, what I'm talking bout, everybody gets that way!" We sing it together, dancing a bit in our chairs.

"Okay, stop," I laugh. "People are gonna think we're together."

"I wouldn't mind," Niall says with a wink. "Kidding. I'm dating Chelsea now, did I tell ya?"

"No!" I say, my eyes widening. "Details."

"Okay, so she's an econ major too. She actually did a year abroad in Spain and so when I was speaking Spanish, she understood me and replied," Niall says gushing.

"I told you studying a romance language would come in handy," I say, tossing my empty cup into the garbage.

"Right?" Niall says. "Anyways, I asked her out and we went on a date the other night. I thought I told you this? Didn't I? But anyways, we kissed and I grabbed her booty a little. It was hot."

"Niall!" I shout, wagging an eyebrow at him. "I only wanna know if it's a full on hookup. Why didn't you bring her home?"

Niall rolls his eyes at me. "Harold, you have a problem. But yeah, it's going well. She invited me to drinks this weekend too."

"Ohhhh," I say, making googly eyes at him. "Sounds cute! I hope to meet her down the road, yeah?"

"Oh yeah, of course," Niall says. "So long as you don't make any comments like that. Maybe when Lou comes to visit."

"Oh right!" I squeak. "I totally forgot he was coming in a little. That'll be fun. For sure."

"Awesome mate," Niall says, jumping up to grab his backpack. "Well, off to class. I'll catch you this weekend."

"Yup," I say, grabbing my backpack as well. I head to class as well, smiling as I think about Louis coming next week. I really need to see him, especially because I want to make sure he is ok.

Speaking of Louis, as I pull out my phone, I am hit with about a half dozen texts from him.

Louis: Hi cutie

Louis: I missed you today

Louis: Arm still hurts but not as bad

Louis: I miss your beautiful face

Louis: Can't wait to see you in 8 days <3

I sigh. Eight days feels like way too long to wait. I need him now, right now, here in my arms. I want to hold him and stroke his injured arm and kiss it a million times just to see if it makes it a tiny bit better.

Louis - my Louis.

It's been such a whirlwind with him over these past couple of days. I honestly started to question our whole relationship. But I love him so much. He's so compassionate and silly and funny and loving. He might not be perfect, he might have things to work on. But so do I.

And we'll work on them together.

Pressing my thumb against the lock screen, I begin to type back.

Harry: I love you too my adorable fluff ball

Harry: I am spoiling you so much when you get here

It's true. I recently bought Louis' favorite chocolate, which I ordered off of Amazon all the way from Germany. I also got him an emoji pillow with heart eyes on it and a mug with a picture of the poop emoji on it, to symbolize our first poop selfie. I got him a similar mug for Valentine's day, but since he's hurt, I figured he deserved something special.

Harry: can't wait to see you my little black eyed pea

HarrY: I got a feeling. Woo hoo

Harry: That tonight I'm gonna masturbate to your fa-ace

Harry: hehehe jk

Harry: or am I

Giggling to myself, I put my phone away. I really am out of control when it comes to Louis. But I can't help myself. He's just too amazing.


	23. Burning

warning: smut, fluff, & drama ahead. enjoy xoxo

Harry's POV

(Louis' visit at Harry's university)

"I love you so much, fuck," I breathe. Louis just arrived to my apartment literally seconds ago and our clothes are already off. It's not surprising though, is it?

When it comes to Louis, I have no control.

"Love you too," Louis huffs, nibbling my ear. "You're so hot, babe."

His hands make their way to my waist and he undoes the buttons on my jeans. I can't get them off fucking fast enough.

I need this.

The hardest part of being in a long distance relationship - for me - is the physical aspect. I talk to Louis every day. We snap, we Facetime, we text. But I can't touch him. I can't reach through the screen and grab his waist and run my fingers through his chestnut locks. This is what I miss the most.

His touch. His touch and his smell and his presence. His pure presence, just knowing he's next to me. Knowing he's there, and always will be....

Well, not always. Always is too strong of a word. We've talked about it before, Louis and I. About our future.

"Well, you'll just break up with me once you finish grad school next year," I said one evening during the winter break. I bit my lip and began turning away from Louis.

Louis stroked my jaw and turned my face towards his. "Hey, honey. I'm never breaking up with you. Ever."

"But you will," I replied. "They always do..."

"Who does?" Louis asked, frowning. His hair was falling into his eyes a little. It had been getting pretty long, and he wanted to cut it. But I told him he shouldn't - I love his long hair.

"The others," I replied, shrugging. "There was this girl in particular who left me and said she never liked me...."

Louis faced me, his blue eyes penetrating mine with a concerned stare. "Well, that's so horrible, Haz. I'm so sorry that happened. But I'm also glad it didn't work out with her... she was an idiot and made a huge mistake. But now, I have the most beautiful boyfriend in the world.... so it worked out..."

I giggled, snaking my arms around Louis' waist and resting my head on his shoulder. "Thank you Louis."

"For what?" he asked, stroking my back.

"For loving me," I whispered.

I allow my thoughts about our relationship to wander while as Louis and I hook up in my apartment. Feeling his skin against my skin, his hips against my hips, it's just so surreal. We've done this dozens of times before, but I think I feel most connected to him during that initial encounter after a long period of distance.

It's absolutely euphoric, so satisfying - like the first drop of water after a drought.

As I slide onto my stomach, Louis comes up behind me and jerks his hips roughly against my ass. We've gotten so good at this that we hardly need foreplay anymore, though we do enjoy taking things slow and sensually if the mood is right.

Louis lubes up a condom and enters me, nearly sending my body into shock from the pleasure. A low moan escapes my lips and I close my eyes, bucking back against Louis' dick.

"Fuck, Haz," he groans, gritting his teeth.

He tugs my hair a little and I stifle a moan. There's no way I'm lasting that long.

"Sorry.... I can't... you're just too hot, it's been too long," Louis breathes. I can feel him cumming, feel the condom filling. Jesus.

"It's okay," I grunt. "Me too."

Louis pulls out right when I begin to cum, and we both collapse onto the bed sheets in a sweaty mess.

"Harry, I'm so sorry," Louis giggles. "Not even a minute."

"Can't help it if I'm beautiful," I reply with a flashy smile. "Kidding, I only lasted a minute too. It's okay, cutie."

We lay their for a while, just snuggling and babbling about nonsense. Sometimes, I don't even need to talk to Louis about real life events - I can just tell me the thoughts that come to mind, my stream of consciousness. My inner being.

"Do you think like... I don't did you ever think what would have happened if we had been different as teenagers?" I ask, looking up at the ceiling.

"What do you mean?" Louis asks, wrinkling his nose.

"Like... I don't know, if I didn't try so hard at grades, I wouldn't be here at NYU. And if I wasn't sick during track, maybe I would still be running..." I babble.

Louis nods. "Yeah, I think about that sometimes," he admits, stroking my tummy. I tense up a bit at first because I'm not used to him doing that. I don't like when he touches my stomach, it's still my most insecure feature.

"Like... There are experiences I wish I hadn't been through, and things that I regret. Like I also really cared about grades, and I'm not quite sure that really benefited me. I could have been focusing on other things," Louis continues. "And even in undergrad, I went through some really dark times where I got obsessed with studying and working out and didn't talk to people for weeks. I was a stoner for my first two years.... I have regrets."

"Yeah?" I ask, nuzzling against Louis' shoulder. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah," Louis says, nodding. "And ouch, babe, that's the bad shoulder."

"Sorry, love!" I reply, my cheeks flushing red. I jump up and climb over him, leaning onto the other shoulder.

"No worries," Louis says. "But yeah, I think we were meant to go through the things we go through. As hard as they are. They make us stronger and turn us into better people. If none of those happened to you or to me, we would never have met. But somehow the universe brought us together."

"Wow," I say, my eyes widening. "I never thought about it that way. That's true. I'm so glad it worked out like this."

"Me too," Louis says, kissing me. "Or else my penis would be really unsatisfied."

I roll my eyes, though I can't help but giggle. Classic Louis. He can't be serious for more than a few minutes. Then again, neither can I.

"My asshole would be quite disappointed as well," I quip, shaking my hips a little. "My ass is grateful."

Louis laughs with me and I pounce onto his chest like a cat, once again forgetting about the shoulder.

"Sorry, sorry!" I say, getting off as soon as I notice Louis wincing.

"It's okay, gotta be more gentle with me now that I'm injured," Louis says.

Laughing, I kiss his head and pinch his cheek. "Okay, Prince Louis, I will be very gentle with you, your Royal Highness."

Louis POV

"Harold, did anyone ever tell you that you're the most adorable creature on the planet?" I gawk. We are sitting in a fancy Italian restaurant and Harry is wearing a navy button down with khakis. He's smiling a bit and his dimples are showing. Plus, his hair is falling into his eyes a little.

"Aw, stop it!" he says, waving a hand in the air and rolling his eyes dramatically. My little drama queen.

"No, seriously, I'm snapping a pic!" I say as I take out my phone. "It's going on Insta."

Harry looks at me from the corner of his eyes and shoots me a tiny smile. I know he loves when I post him on social media, but I have been trying to hold back lately as we literally have dozens of pictures together and my Instagram is starting to look like a Harry Styles shrine.

Not to say that that's a bad thing - it's definitely not. I would upload hundreds of photos of Harry if I could. I'm super proud of him - but I'm not interested in being labelled as an obsessive psychopath. So I have to refrain.

Pretty soon after I take the photo, our food comes. Harry orders the scallops with linguini and I get the chicken parm. They both look absolutely delicious, and are plated perfectly with a bit of garnish.

"This is so good!" Harry says as he takes his first bite. He's only been eating for about five seconds, but there is already pasta dangling from his fork and now - yup. It fell into his lap.

"Harry," I chuckle. "You are so cute, honey, but you have to learn to eat without making a mess."

Harry rolls his eyes and begins to cut the pasta, holding the knife at an odd angle with his less dominant hand. "I am," he grumbles.

"Want me to?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

Harry pouts his lips and then pushes the plate towards me. I cut up his pasta into more manageable strands and then hand it back to him.

"Thanks," he says. "I didn't really need help but since you offered..."

"Of course," I reply, taking a bite of my chicken parm. "This is good too. Delicious!"

I can't help but feel a bit fake though, as I say that. Ever since my shoulder injury I've been feeling super guilty about eating rich foods. I used to be working out and lifting heavy weights every day to fuel my workouts. Now, I can't exercise at all. It's only been a week without lifting and I already feel so gross.... so fat.

"So how's Liam and the lab and life?" Harry asks, snapping me out of my thoughts. "L L L!"

"Oh, good, good and good," I reply. "Muy, muy bien. Liam is dating a new girl. Her name is Ashley or Anna or something. The lab is finally slowing down. Life is good because I'm with you, but bad because of my injury..."

"Oh right," Harry says, his face falling. He stabs a scallop and nearly misses his mouth, and I start to chuckle. "Wanna talk about it?"

I shrug, and unsettling feeling filling in my stomach. "Well, we already talked about it. I'm okay. It's over and there's no going back. I have to talk with the sheriff when I get back about the investigation, but I'm honestly more worried about not being able to lift."

"Yeah," Harry says. "That's hard on you. When I got sick and had to give up running, I went crazy. It really sucks to lose your passion. But what helped me was replacing with someone else. I got really involved in art and writing."

"Oh," I say, nodding. "Yeah, that's a good idea. I can try to find a new hobby. Like drawing nude portraits."

Harry's eyes light up and he sticks his tongue out at me. "You love that nude portrait!"

"I do," I chuckle. "I truly do. But I don't know what I would want to do....I like science, but that's not really a hobby."

"Well we can do some research when we get home," Harry says, encouragingly. "I'll help."

"You're awesome, babe," I reply, taking a sip of my water.

It doesn't take long before we're finished with our food and the check arrives. It's actually pretty pricey, as we're in a fancy part of town, but I offer to pay for it because Harry is just being too irresistible right now.

After we leave the restaurant, we take the train back to the apartment.

"I kind of want some tea," I say, taking off my jacket. It's the end of March but it's still pretty chilly here in New York.

"Okay, I'll make some," Harry says, heading into the kitchen. "I got this new thermos, I usually put it in the microwave for a minute and it heats it up."

I nod and follow Harry into the kitchen. He hands me the thermos and some tea bags and then heads to his bedroom to get changed.

"Did you make it?" he asks a few minutes later. He's wearing his boxers and nothing else.

"Yeah," I reply, eyeing Harry's nearly naked body. I've seen it a thousand times before but it never ceases to impress me.

I remove the thermos from the microwave and place it on the counter. It looks extremely hot so I don't open it yet.

"You look cute," I say, giggling.

Harry shakes his hips at me. "Thanks. This is the best outfit, right?"

"It is," I say, giggling and leaning against the table.

"Yeah I think - " Harry begins to say something but suddenly lets out a loud scream.

Seconds ago, he had been opening the thermos, but now he is being covered in scalding hot water. The thermos explodes all over him, spraying the hot water on his chest and face.

"Oh my fuck, oh my fucking god," Harry screams. He drops the thermos and starts rubbing his chest, sobbing profusely.

"Are you okay?" I ask, rushing over.

Harry shakes his head. "It burns so fucking much. I'm on fire."

I run to the bathroom and wet a towel with cold water. "Here, put this on it!"

Harry does, and I lead him to the bedroom to lie down. The burns look bad - bright red and already starting to blister. I've never seen anything like it before.

"Oh my god, Harry, should I call someone?" I stammer.

"No," he sniffles. "No, I just need cream."

"Okay, I'll go get some," I say, grabbing my wallet. I head out to the store to buy anti-burn cream and aloe and whatever else will make him feel better.

But when I think about how bad his burns looked, all I can do is wince.......

A/N: hello hello hello lovely readers. so i think this is going to be a longer story! the boys are still in the honeymoon phase but my actual relationship has been going on for 2.5 years and i am going to time hop forward so you can see the entire thing.

i really did get second degree burns like this, and it hurt sooooo much. i wont spoil anything bc you will see more about the burns in the next chapter. also, eating/body image play a big part of the story and are something both harry and louis are concerned about. just be careful if youre easily triggered - if not, reading about it could be a good way to understand more about people's insecurities and struggle to find a healthy relationship with food and exercise which is something my bf and i are still trying to do irl. 

 

also - i may go back into the chapters and just put dates at the top of each chapter so its more clear - would this be helpful or is it fine as is?

as always thanks again for reading xoxox


	24. Partying

Louis' POV

"Hey, honey," I say, hopping up from my chair in the waiting room. "How did it go?"

Harry walks towards me, holding up a box of bandages. "Good I guess. The burns are gonna go away in two weeks, but I have to keep the ones on my chest bandaged and keep putting cream on them."

I smile at Harry and nod encouragingly. I feel so bad for him, as he's been crying a ton today. Since last night, the side of the face that got burned has turned a bright shade of red, and the skin has tightened up, making it hard for him to move it.

His chest is even worst - it's now red and covered with blisters, causing him to wince when he touches it against anything in the slightest. I hate seeing Harry in so much pain, but it looks like this doctor's visit is going to help get him back on track to feeling better. 

As I look at Harry, I think back to last night when I returned back to the apartment with the ointments from CVS. He was crying hysterically and I rushed over to him, cradling him in my arms like a child. 

"Are you okay?" I asked, my eyes widening. 

"No," Harry whimpered. 

Panicked, I began to open one of the burn relief creams. "Are you crying because it hurts?" 

Harry shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. "No," he croaked. "I'm crying because I'm deformed."

I inspected his face, examining the inflammation that was already forming. 

"Hey," I said, smoothing his hair back and planting a kiss on his forehead. "You're beautiful. Even with your burns, you're still more beautiful than anyone I've ever met. Okay?" 

Harry pouted his lips but accepted my statement, and I pulled him in for a gentle hug, careful not to put any pressure on his chest.

Now, as we exit the doctor's office, I can tell Harry is still concerned about his appearance. He's wearing a beanie even though it's not too chilly out, and has it pulled down extremely low on the burned side of his face. 

It pains me to see my usual happy-go-lucky ball of energy so sad and ashamed. If I could go back in time and undo the whole situation leading up to the burns, I would. But I can't, so I settle for the next best thing.

"Hey, I know what'll make you feel better," I say, taking his hand. "Bubble tea!" 

Harry half smiles at me, though I can tell it hurts to smile by the way he winces. "I do love bubble tea..."

"Awesome, let's go then!" I cry. I kiss his cheek and then pull him in the direction of the bubble tea shop. 

When we get inside a few minutes later, Harry instantly slinks back, exiting the doorway as quickly as he entered it. 

"Haz, what's wrong I ask?" following after him.

"Niall's in here!" he says, his green eyes expanding to the size of saucers. 

"So?" I ask, rubbing his back. "That's a good thing, yeah? He's your friend."

"No!" Harry cries, pointing at his face. "I don't want him to see me like this."

"Babe, he's your best friend! He won't care," I reply, coaxing him back into the shop. 

Harry grumbles and folds his arms. "Won't be surprised if he's no longer my best friend after seeing me look like the fucking joker...."

We walk in together, and Harry tries to avoid Niall, but Niall spots him and rushes over. 

"Hey, lads!" Niall says as he approaches us.

"Hey, Niall," I reply, offering him a friendly pat on the back. 

"Hey," Harry says softly, avoiding eye contact. 

"What are you lads up to?" Niall asks with a smile.

"Just got back from the doctors," Harry says as he looks down at his shoes. "I, um, burned my entire face and chest. Second degree. That's why I look all weird..."

Niall looks up at Harry's burns, nodding. "Honestly, mate, I didn't even notice that you had burns. Are you okay, though? What happened?"

"Hot water exploded on me," Harry says, glancing quickly over at Niall. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just gonna look like two face for the next two weeks."

"Harry, you look fine," I say, squeezing his hand. 

"He's right, you know," Niall says in agreement. "I truly didn't notice. Good thing you're okay, Haz." 

"Thanks," Harry says, biting his lip. 

"Listen, I have to get going," Niall says, heading towards the door. "But I'm having a little party tonight. My girl Chelsea will be there. I'll text you the details, yeah? Would love to see you there!" 

"Sure," Harry and I say in unison. 

Niall chuckles. "Awesome. Later, mates!" 

Harry's POV

Niall's parties are always a great time, but I've quickly learned that they're infinitely better when I'm with Louis. After I got a few shots of tequila in my system at the start of the party, I stopped sulking about my burns and started to loosen up a little. Or maybe more than a little...

To be completely honest, I can't help how horny I get when I'm with Louis. Normally, we're lucky because it happens in the bedroom. But tonight, we're in public and I can't control myself. 

Niall shares an apartment with roommates, so it's a rather large space as opposed to my studio apartment. People are dancing in all of the rooms, creating informal dance floors in the living room, dining room and even kitchen. Louis and I, of course, spend most of the night dancing.

"Haz," Louis coos, as I grind up against him. "Take it easy, babe."

I shake my hips and press my ass harder onto Louis' crotch, turning my head back and giving him a sly look. "No."

Louis giggles. "You're so wild, babe. Someone's feeling better, yeah?" 

"Yeah," I breathe. I turn around and grab Louis' hand, leading him to the kitchen to grab some more shots. 

"Louis, Harry!" Niall calls as we enter the kitchen. "Chelsea just got here. Come meet her."

We walk over and Niall introduces us to a petite brunette girl with big brown eyes. 

"Hola, Chelsea. ¿Cómo estás?" I blurt out, remembering she speaks Spanish. 

"Bien. Encantado, Harry," she replies in a high pitched voice. 

"I don't know what any of that means, but I'm Louis," Louis says, extending a hand. 

"Nice to meet you!" Chelsea replies, smiling and taking his hand. 

Niall puts and arm around her. "Isn't she cute?" 

"Quite cute," I reply. Louis shoots me a fake dirty look and we all chuckle. 

"Some shots?" Niall asks, grabbing a bottle. 

"Yes, please!" Louis replies.

Niall pours a round of four shots and we each take one. 

"To a good semester!" I declare. 

Everyone throws their heads back and we down the bitter liquid, sinking a little deeper into our already drunken states. 

Niall, Chelsea, Louis and I chat for a little bit longer in the kitchen, though I can't quite remember what we talk about. At that point, I am feeling pretty drunk, and all I can think about is getting Louis home and taking those pants off....

At one point, a little while later (or so I presume), Louis and I leave the kitchen and end up on the couch in the living room. We're just cuddling at first, but soon I'm on top of Louis, making out with him. He runs his hands across my back and strokes my hair, sinking his tongue deeper into my mouth. 

As we're kissing, I look up for a minute and out of the corner of my eyes, I see her. The girl who broke my heart, the one who told me everything we had never meant anything. 

I continue to kiss Louis, smiling to myself. I hope she sees, I think. I hope she sees how in love we are, how much better off I am without her. I buck my hips and grab at the buttons on Louis' jeans, ready to take things further...

"Babe!" 

Louis' voice pulls me out of my thoughts and back to reality. 

"Babe, stop, stop. We're in public, it's too much," he says, sitting up. "We got a little too carried away."

"Mmm," I groan. "Okay, fine. Let's go home, then."

"Okay," Louis says, helping me up. "I'll take you home."

We say goodbye to Niall and exit the apartment building, rushing back to my flat, where we plan to please each other in more ways than one.... 

Louis' POV 

It's my last day with Harry until next month, and I'm sad to go. I booked a night flight just so I could have a bit more time to spend with him, and we both woke up early today so we could make the most of our time. 

Harry really wants to go to this donut shop that just opened up on Amsterdam, and I agree to go with him. I feel a bit guilty about having donuts without working out, but I don't tell Harry that. From what he's told me, he's a bit nervous about having desserts too, and only eats them on special occasions. This must be a special day for him, then, and I don't want to jeopardize that with my dietary concerns. 

After a short train ride, we get to the shop around 10am, and we're shocked to find a line all the way around the block. 

"Holy shit, Haz!" I say. "Is it that good?"

"I guess," Harry says with a shrug. "They're supposed to be pretty good." 

We get on line and I hug Harry from behind, planting a kiss on his good cheek. "I love you so much," I whisper. 

"Love you too," he says. "But not as much as donuts."

I roll my eyes. "Understandable. Which one do you want?"

Harry turns towards me, his green eyes glistening. "Not sure. Can you help me pick?"

"Of course," I say, pulling up the menu on my phone. "I can always help you, cutie."

Harry giggles. "Help me in bed too...."

I cover Harry's mouth with my hand, laughing wildly as he tries to jerk away from me. 

"Harold, you're too inappropriate. First, there's last night when you were ready to bang me on the couch in front of everyone. Now, you're talking about our sex life in front of strangers..." I say.

Harry sticks his tongue out at me and puts his hands on his hips. "It's just my way of showing my affection. I love you. I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!"

"Harry, that's a quote from the movie Elf," I snort. 

"Exactly why I used it," Harry replies. "It's my favorite movie of all time."

"And you're my favorite person of all time," I reply, with a smile. "Also, how does the chocolate blackout sound? I know you love chocolate."

Harry wrinkles his nose. "My favorite person of all time is your mum."

I slap him playfully on the arm. He can be such a wanker sometimes. But he's my wanker... 

"Also, yeah I love chocolate but I kinda had my eye on the peanut butter. I quite fancy that," Harry adds. 

"Harold, if you already know what you're getting, why ask me for help?" I say, rolling my eyes.

"Becauseeeee," Harry replies, making duck lips. "I need your input just in case."

He starts dancing around in line, shaking his hips and chanting the word 'peanut butter.' 

"Harold," I giggle. "Oh my god. We are going to get kicked out."

"Why?" he asks. "That's preposterous. I'm not allowed to express my love for donuts? How discriminatory. Love is love."

I shake my head and then join in on the dance, fist pumping as Harry chants. After a while, we both double over with laughter, ignoring the angry stares of the other people waiting on line. 

As I pull Harry towards me for a hug, I think about how outrageously weird we are - and by consequence, how outrageously perfect we are for each other. 

A/N: what do you think so far? one more month of distance and then the boys will be reunited for the summer months in nyc. right now they are about 5 months into their relationship


	25. Confessing

Harry's POV 

It's almost finals season again, which has me simultaneously nervous and excited. Nervous because I hate exams and don't want to study, excited because it means I'll be seeing Louis very soon. And this time not just for a week - for the whole summer! 

I got a summer job working at a non-profit as a Spanish interpreter in Midtown, and Louis is gonna be taking summer classes at NYU so he can finish grad school quicker. We're going to spend three whole months living in the same city, which is the most we've ever had together. 

I am so bloody excited.

Speaking of the love of my life, he just left last week and I already miss him. I've honestly been having a tough time without him because of my burns. Not only do they hurt, but they also look extremely terrifying and the weather is getting warmer, so it's harder to cover them. 

Yesterday, for example, I went to the gym and I was dripping sweat because I was wearing long sleeves and a beanie. The sweat was starting to sting my burns, but I didn't take it off because I was too ashamed of the red, bubbling blisters beneath them. 

My face starting peeling too, like a fucking snake. Skin would just start flaking off in the middle of class and it would take everything in my power not to pick at it. To say it's been rough would be an understatement. 

As bad as it's been, though, this whole experience has really taught me a lot about myself - and how grateful I should be for my health. I never really though much about my skin or appearance until this happened, but now I know how lucky I am to look the way I look, pain free.

Louis always tells me how beautiful I am, even with my injury. 

"You look so gorgeous, honey, still so gorgeous."

"The burns make your eyes look even brighter."

"I love you so much. And I love you for you - you being hot is a bonus."

I always blush when he tells me that kind of stuff, and I say thank you. But I never really believe it. In high school, I was invisible. A nerdy track runner with messy bed-head and a crooked smile. 

Now, I'm much more put together - and my new hair routine has helped a ton. However, I often forget how far I've come. And when I see people checking me out on the street, sometimes I still feel like my former self. Unnoticeable, unattractive. I don't realize that it's me they're looking at... because why should they?

Louis says I need to work on my self esteem and I know he's right. It's definitely a problem that I can't accept compliments, but I'm working on it. I got a bunch of new clothes over spring break, and I would like to say that I'm rocking them. Dark denim skinny jeans for fashion, athletic shorts for the beach, and a bunch of summer-y button downs for the good weather. 

To be completely, honest I guess a lot of my insecurities stem from my weight - not my style. I was so thin in high school, and I would be lying if I said I was completely comfortable at this weight, which is about 40 lbs up. 

I'm getting there though. Slowly. I'm gradually starting to feel a lot better about it. The gym really helps because it gives me goals, and helps me to put on muscle. I have really skinny legs so I have been working out my legs and glutes a ton and Louis says I'm making progress. "Booty gains" as he likes to call them. 

Currently, I'm in the library trying to write a paper, but of course my mind is focused on Louis. It's never not focused on Louis, and I resist the urge to snap chat him to see what he's up to. He has finals too. We both need to focus. 

But I have no will power. And less than thirty seconds later, I grab my phone. 

Louis: Hey cutie

Louis: Hope you are doing well

Louis: Can't wait to get to NY so I can do you

As I open up the text, I start to smile, but then I sigh. I love Louis so much and his messages are adorable. But sometimes messages aren't enough. Sometimes I just want to hug him and hold him and lie on his chest. 

It's hard doing long distance. Even when I'm distracted by school, I always feel like a part of myself is missing. There are so many parties I want to take Louis to but can't. So many people I want to introduce him to yet haven't gotten the chance to. So many date nights that just have to wait. 

Just the other week, I remember getting emotional over a date party for Niall's frat. He said I could go and bring whoever I wanted - he even offered to pair me up with one of his friends just for the night. And I wanted to go, I really did. But then I thought about Louis - how much I love Louis and how much I wanted to go with him and how if the party had just been a single week earlier Louis would have been able to come with me. 

It's not easy doing distance. Not in the slightest. But I truly believe some things are worth making sacrifices for. Some people are worth making sacrifices for. And Louis is definitely one of those people. 

Louis' POV 

"Harolllddddddd!" I yell, plopping down my suitcase outside his door. Normally, Harry picks me up from the airport, but today he had something to take care of, so I got a taxi. 

Harry swings the door open and within seconds I am being engulfed by his long arms, picked up and tossed onto the couch. 

"You never cease to amaze me, you giant," I say, giggling and showering his cheeks with kisses. 

"I missed you!" Harry says, plopping down on the couch next to me.

"Harry. Bad shoulder!" I say, trying to hold back my wincing face. 

Harry moves to the other side, and tucks an arm around my waist, gazing into my eyes. "Sorry, love. Does it feel any better?"

Oh shit. I forgot that I hadn't told him yet. 

I clear my throat and sit up. "No," I begin. "I, um, I got the results back yesterday."

"And?" Harry asks, wide eyed. His mouth is hanging open like a dog on a hot summer day. 

"It's bad. I need surgery," I say, allowing my voice to deflate. "I didn't want to tell you because I thought it would ruin our first day back together. But I'm so upset. There was all this stuff we had planned. The beach, tennis, rock climbing, water parks. And I'm gonna be in a sling for the next two months... I'm so sorry to let you down."

"Let me down?" Harry says, blinking. "You would never let me down. I just want you to be okay, Louis. We can always do that stuff later, babe. But your health comes first."

"Harry," I say, climbing up onto his chest. "You are literally the most supportive, loving, selfless boyfriend in the entire planet."

I kiss his lips tenderly and he runs his fingers across my jawline. "I could say the same about you," he breathes. 

Of course we have sex after that. Of course it's amazing, as it always is. Harry and I have started to switch up who tops and who bottoms now, and things are getting a lot more steamy in the bedroom. Harry actually makes a ridiculously good top, and his blow jobs have become insane. 

I remember the first time he blew me, not even knowing how to get the dick inside his mouth. It was good then, but what he does now is fifty times better. He has a very long tongue, and he's definitely learned to master it over time. He suckles on the tip and deep throats me until I'm moaning and dripping precum.

Tonight, I'm on top though, and I close my eyes and thrust with all my might, hoping to fill the love of my life with the pleasure he deserves. Harry is so fucking incredible to me, and these past six months are more than I could have asked for. 

When we're finished, we slip on clothes and head out to dinner. We're getting Mexican food, downtown, so we have to take the train. 

As we sit on the bright orange plastic chairs of the subway, I rest my head on Harry's shoulder. Harry strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. He's so gentle. 

"Hazzie," I say, directing my eyes to a woman who is currently looking directly down into her pants and underwear. "That's you."

Harry hits me playfully and shakes his head. "That's you after I suck you off," he giggles. 

Our stop is next so we hop off the train. I follow after Harry, as he knows where the restaurant is, and we head inside. 

I love doing new things with Harry. Even something as simple as trying a new restaurant. I could honestly go to the same place to eat with Harry a million times over, and I wouldn't mind at all. But it's so cute to see him experience things for the first time. For him to try a new dish or sip on a new coffee flavor. 

His big green eyes light up and he looks at me like I just gave him a unicorn for his birthday. He is simply i n c r e d i b l e. 

"Los tacos de camarones y vino blanco," Harry says to the waiter, ordering in Spanish.

"Un quesadilla de pollo," I say, butchering the pronunciation. 

"Muy bien," Harry says, grabbing my hand from across the table. 

"Gracias, guapo," I reply, shimmying in my seat a bit. 

"Oh, eres guapo, papi," Harry replies, his voice deepening as he raises his eyebrows at me.

While we wait for our food we crunch on chips and talk about school and life and the summer. It doesn't really matter what we talk about to me. It just matters how we feel, if Harry's happy. If I'm doing my best for him. 

It kills me that I can't do those activities with him. He had wanted to go so badly and Niall is going back to Ireland for the summer, so he can't even go with him instead. 

"Hey babe," Harry says, biting on a chip. "You know, I know we only met a few months ago. But you have changed my life so fucking much. Like you have no idea, how much happier you made me. How happy you make me. I just, I love you. So much, Louis. So fucking much."

"Aww!" I say, my face reddening. "I feel the same exact way. You're such a ball of sunshine in my shit storm of a life. You truly are, Harold. I'm so glad I met you. I love you too."

He nods and without warning, jogs over to the side of the booth I'm sitting in and sits down next to me, cuddling up against my good shoulder. 

"Best boyfriend," ever he giggles. 

I kiss his forehead. But I don't know if he's right. I'm not the best boyfriend ever, but it's what I aspire to be.

 

A/N: As always thank you for reading!!! OMG so I actually went back to read some and noticed that in the first chapter Louis was in New York and Harry was in Chicago. Obviously that changed and Harry is the one in NYC and Louis in Chicago. I have no idea how I made this error but sorry if I confused you. I will go revise that ASAP but clearly even I forget what I have written.

How is everyone liking this story so far? It's very fluffy. Or at least fluffier than I've ever done. Is there anything you guys want to see more of? Less of? I am going to stop putting in every single smut scene because they have a lot of sex and it's just redundant at this point.


	26. Recovering

Harry's POV 

Louis' surgery is on a Monday morning, and unfortunately, I can't take off from work to go with him. His aunt will be there the whole time, and apparently it's a standard procedure, so he should be fine. 

But of I course I can't help but worry about him. He's so adorable and tiny and precious. I check my phone every five minutes waiting for an update. The surgery started at 8am, so he should be done soon. 

After what feels like eternities later, I finally get a message from him on my lunch break. It's a snap chat photo of Louis in his hospital gown, smiling lazily and giving a thumbs up to the camera. 

Based on the way his eyes are glazed over, it's clear that he's still on painkillers. But he's okay! Thank god he's okay. I immediately take out my phone to text him back, not caring about the 'no phone' policy in the office. 

Harry: Yay! You're okay <3 how do you feel, cutie?

Louis: really fuzzy and good

Louis: it will hurt later tho

Louis: when wil i see u

Louis: Harold 

Harry: Soon! I will come over later today, yeah? 

I normally don't spend a ton of time at Louis' place because his aunt is pretty crazy and doesn't allow company to stay in the house past 10pm. But Louis is going to be out of commission for the next week with his bad shoulder, so of course I'll make the trek for him. 

"What are you smiling at?" my coworkers asks, raising an eyebrow. 

"Oh, um, nothing," I say, trying to hide my smile. "It's just my boyfriend. He just went under surgery and he's still pretty drugged up."

"Oh, that's cute," she replies, taking a seat next to me. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend. Do you have a photo of him?"

I blush and open my lock screen to reveal a selfie of Louis and I, with Louis looking up at me with wide eyes and a toothy grin. His blue eyes look even brighter in the afternoon sunlight of the beach, where this photo was taken not too long ago. 

"Wow, he's cute!" she says, nudging me in the ribs. 

"He is. Super cute," I say. I feel my cheeks getting hot - I don't really talk about Louis much, but when I do it's always with pride and excitement. Though I try to be humble about it, I usually fail because he's just too adorable not to show off. 

By the time work ends and I get onto the train, it feels like decades have passed. I am so eager to see Louis that I speed walk through the train station and end up making a train much earlier than the one I expected to take. 

As I sit in the train car waiting, I take out my phone and text Louis a selfie of me sticking my tongue out. 

Harry: Can't wait to see you. Be there in 30

Louis: Okay. In so much pain :(

Louis: Can't wait either 

He's in pain? I suddenly feel so bad. I picked him up chocolates from CVS - it's more of a Valentine's gift than a get-well-soon present, but I was in a hurry and couldn't think of anything else. Now I'm thinking maybe I should have gotten him an icepack or something instead...

"Hey, Louis - oh hello Ms. Smith," I say as the door swings open. I thought for sure it was going to be Louis, but his aunt, who rarely has any kind of contact with me, walks into the doorway and offers me a stiff smile. 

"He's upstairs," his aunt says, pointing to the staircase. I nod and remove my shoes, heading up the steps and to Louis' room where we've made love silently on more than one occasion while she was sleeping. 

"Helllloooo!" I say, smiling widely as I enter Lou's room. 

Louis is lying in beg with a huge padded sling on his arm. His face is pale and his hair looks greasy and unwashed. 

"Hey," he says weakly. He perks up as he notices me coming over to him, and I hug him gently, planting a kiss on his forehead. 

"Sorry I look like shit, I haven't been able to shower," Louis explains, biting his lip.

"Nonsense," I say, taking the chocolates out of my backpack. "You always look gorgeous. Got you these."

Louis smiles but shakes his head, pushing the chocolates away. "My stomach is killing me from the pain killers. I stopped taking them a few hours ago and now I'm just embracing the pain."

"Aww, cutie," I coo, pushing the chocolates aside. "I'm so sorry, Lou, is there anything I can do?"

"No," Louis says, shaking his head. "Just come here." 

He pats the side of the bed closest to his good shoulder and I climb in and lie down next to him. Louis wraps his good arm around me and looks into my eyes, licking his lips a little. 

"I don't know if it's the meds or what, but I am so hard for you right now," Louis says in a low tone.

I widen my eyes, chuckling and act as if I'm surprised. Though the truth is I'm not... since when are we not horny for each other?

"Lou, babe," I say, pushing some of his hair out of his eyes. "You just had surgery a few hours ago, I can't fuck you tonight, sweetheart."

Louis furrows his eyebrows and sits up. "What if I fuck you?" he asks. He gets up slowly and closes the door before rushing back to the bed to make out. 

The minute his lips touch mine, I can't resist. I can never resist, and I allow it when his one good hand grapples with my belt buckle. 

"Okay," I whisper as he attacks my neck with kisses. "Okay, just be really careful for me, yeah. Don't get hurt."

"I won't," Louis replies. "I'll be a good boy for you."

I roll my eyes. "Like you ever are...." I growl. "Now get over here and do what you said you were going to do...."

Louis' POV 

I fucking hate having this stupid sling. Absolutely hate it. Despise it. Did I mention I hate it?

For the first week, I'm not allowed to remove the sling at all, because if my shoulder goes out of place for even a second, the surgery will all be for nothing. So that means I can't shower by myself, get dressed by myself or anything. 

Harry offered to take off work to stay with me and help me. He said I could even stay at his apartment. But his internship only has a few weeks left and I don't want him to miss out. So I spend the seven days following the surgery having my aunt help me put a shirt on, which is just as humiliating as it is uncomfortable. 

By the third day, she picked me up some of these zip up vests, so I could actually start dressing myself. Sadly, though, the worst part isn't my inability to do basic tasks. It's my inability to do what I love - to work out. 

I'm starting physical therapy next week, so I'll be doing exercises there. But I can't do anything I used to do like lift weights or do pull-ups or pushups. In fact, I might not ever be able to do those things again, because the doctors said I may never fully be able to put stress on my shoulder. 

I'll be able to run, luckily, starting in two weeks, and I'm not a huge fan of cardio, but at least it'll keep me sane. 

Another problem is that given the last minute nature of my surgery, I had to push back one of my exams for my summer class, and reschedule it for next week. It's an extremely hard chemistry class, and I've been trying to study, but my mind just gets so foggy from the pain killers - and then when I get off the pain killers, my mind gets foggy with the pain.

Today is at least a bit better, as I'm finally allowed to remove my sling for showering and dressing, which is great. Harry and I are going on a date to a sushi restaurant, and I don't want to wear one of those stupid zip up vests for that.

A thirty minute train ride later, I'm at the restaurant and waiting for Harry. I saw him yesterday when he made a stop at my place, but this is the first time I'm allowed to leave my house on my own and of course he showers me with kisses as soon as he sees me. 

"You look so much better!" he gushes, hugging my right side. 

"Did I look like shit yesterday?" I snort, rolling my eyes. 

"No," Harry says as we make our way inside. "You just seemed pretty down since you couldn't go outside. How does it feel to be free?"

"Freedom tastes so good," I say dramatically. "I was tired of my aunt fondling my torso too. Thank god that's over."

Harry and I take a seat and Harry shakes his head at me, his long curls bouncing on his back. "I could have easily dressed you every day."

"You would have undressed me," I chuckle, grabbing a menu. 

I look over at Harry as he browses the menu, his big green eyes looking perfect as usual. It's been almost seven months with Harry now, and I still feel butterflies every time I look at him. 

"Haz," I say, pushing his menu out of his hands and bringing my face awfully close to his. "Thank you."

"Thank you for what? For buying you sushi? Anytime," Harry giggles. 

"No. Thank you for being my best friend," I say sweetly, batting my eyelashes. 

"Get out of here you big mush. Niall's my best friend," Harry huffs. 

I narrow my eyes, shaking my head at him.

"Kidding!" he squeals. "You're my best friend too. Thank you for not dying during your surgery."

"Harold!" I say. "That's not even funny, but you're so cute I'm going to allow it."

Harry grabs his menu back and frames his face with his hands, making a little V shape and offering me a wide smile. 

"I am cute!" he laughs. "But you're cutie. Now pick your sushi, you weirdo."

Still giggling, I look through the menu and pick out a volcano roll and a spicy salmon roll. Harry orders a California roll and a shrimp tempura roll, and we also get an order of edamame, which Harry pronounces as "add-a-mommy."

"Harold, what are you doing?" I ask, watching as he sits there staring at me. 

"What?" he asks, playfully kicking me under the table. Sometimes I swear dating him is like having a misbehaved child. 

"No kicking, Harold," I say, wagging a finger. "Also, why are you all the way over there, when you could be all the way over here."

I pat the seat next to me and Harry instinctively runs over to the seat next to me, making sure to cuddle me on my good side only. 

Laughing, I pet his hair like a puppy and we sit there cuddling until the sushi platters arrive and we dig in to the delicious seafood in front of us.

Eighty percent of the time, Harry has a mishap with his chopsticks or misses his mouth and I laugh hysterically. This is why I fucking love him.

A/n: so yes we really did have sex hours after his surgery. two people with really high sex drives don't really have any boundaries. he was fine in the end and it was actually incredible sex.

also keep in mind it's the honey moon phase...it's so fluffy but there will be conflicts soon


	27. Breaking Down

Brawling fown real

Harry's POV

I cried again today. It's probably the third day in a row that I've cried.

I know it's silly because I've lived in New York for the past few years going to uni here. But commuting to work is much different than attending uni, and the pressure has become unbearable.

Every day, I wake up and have to rush through crowds of people to get the train, then pack in to an overcrowded train car and walk through another giant mass of people to get to my  
Office in midtown. As someone with anxiety, the crowds can be enough to make me shake and sweat, and I've found myself being randomly pushed and shoved by strangers on more than one occasion.

Most people are hardened by these types of experiences, like Niall who openly admitted that he started pushing people back and becoming apathetic when he worked in a downtown office last summer.

But I haven't been hardened at all- if anything, I've only grown softer and softer over time until I collapsed into a weeping mess in my apartment Thursday afternoon.

It's not just the commute and the people - it's my job too. I'm the youngest person there and no one really talks to me. And when I go to interpret in Spanish, I usually get shut down by potential participants before I even start speaking. It's really discouraging, especially since I'm not that confident in my Spanish to begin with.

It doesn't help that Louis hasn't been around lately. We used to see each other a few times a week back before his surgery, but now his summer classes are picking up and he doesn't have as much time to hangout anymore.

Today, around noon, I asked if I could stop by his house after work.

Louis: I guess you can come over   
Harry: u don't sound excited   
Louis: no, I want to see you. I really do. I miss you so much, but I have an exam on Monday and I'm freaking out   
Louis: if I fail this I'll have to do another semester   
Louis; I'm sorry babe. Wanna stop by for an hour? I might be studying but we can cuddle for a little   
Harry: fine   
Harry: see you at 6pm

When I get to Lou's place, which is already 45 minutes out of the way, he doesn't even open the door. "Come in!" I hear him call.

"Hey," I say softly, letting myself in. "I, um, we had cupcakes at work for someone's birthday so I brought you one. vanilla, your favorite."

Louis is sitting at the dining room table, in front of his laptop and about six different diagrams of molecular structures, his glasses pushed up high on the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks," he says, without looking up.

I take a seat on the nearby couch. "Do you want it now? Or I could put it in the fridge?"

"Put what in the fridge?" Louis asks, wrinkling his nose.

"The cupcake," I say, walking over to him and waving it in his face.

"Oh. Fuck, Harry! Why did you get me a cupcake?" louis snaps, making a face of disgust. "I am gaining so much weight from not being able to work out. Are you trying to make me fat?"

"I.... no," I say, looking down at my loafers. I tug on the collar of my work shirt and swallow thickly. "I was trying to be nice. You're not going to get fat.... sorry...."

"It's okay," louis says, taking the cupcake and putting it beside his laptop. "Sorry, I'm just really busy. We can cuddle in like an hour, yeah? Do you want to watch Tv on your phone or something?"

"I guess," I say. Then under my breath, I add: "I could have just done this at home."

Grumbling, I take out my phone and open up my Netflix app.

"Louis?" I ask. He doesn't answer, and when I look up I realize he has headphones in.

"Louis!" I repeat. "What's the WiFi password?"

"What?" louis says. He shoots me a dirty look, his eyebrows furrowing. I've never seen his so annoyed with me. I know he's stressed about his exam, but this is no way to treat his boyfriend.

"I need the WiFi password," I say quietly.

Louis shakes his head, letting out a growl of sorts, and stomps into the kitchen. After fishing around in a drawer, he comes back with a crumpled piece of paper and hands it to me.

"Thanks," I say, eyeing him carefully.

"Welcome," he says as he rushes back to his work station.

I sit there for about an hour watching Jane the Virgin. After a while, I get so sweeper up in the drama and romance that I forget how mad I am at Louis for ignoring me. Maybe that's how it's going to be now; I'll have to rely on TV romance to get my fix because Louis doesn't have time for me.

After an hour and fifteen minutes, I walk over to Louis. "Hey," I say, smiling and planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Harry!" Louis screams, pushing me away. "I'm in the middle of a timed quiz. It's gonna run out." 

"Fuck!" I say, stumbling backwards and nearly crashing into his aunt's china cabinet. He pushed me pretty hard. "Louis I had no idea. You didn't tell me. When is it over?"

"Ten minutes," Louis grunts. "Give me ten and then I'm all yours."

I go back to Jane the virgin, and wait another ten minutes. At this point, I'm so hungry that I can't even focus on the show so I take a granola bar out of my backpack and start to eat.

It's 8pm and I haven't eaten since 12, but Louis didn't even offer me anything.

"Okay!" I say, getting up. "I'm gonna head home. It's been 15 minutes."

Louis looks up from his papers, and removes an earbud, noticing that I'm about to go.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"Home," I say, lowering my head. "You seem busy. Sorry for being a burden during your test."

"Fuck, Harry. Stop being so passive aggressive!" louis says, jumping up and following me. "I told you I was going to be busy while you were over and you said okay. Fuck, Harold, I'm done now. Okay, I'm done. But it's not my job to entertain you all the time. I have real work to do."

Oh no he fucking didn't.

"Excuse me?" I say, taking a step closer to him and wrinkling my brows together. "I was never asking to be entertained, I just wanted to see my boyfriend and i didn't mind that you were studying. I did mind that you yelled at me repeatedly and didn't even say thank you for the cupcake. Also, I have REAL WORK too, Louis. I was just at work all damn day while you were here studying for some class that you probably didn't pass the first time around...."

Oh shit. Too far. I took it too far.... I rarely ever snap at people. It takes a lot to provoke me, but the way Louis has been acting this evening has been getting on my nerves since the minute I walked in.

And how dare he say that his work is real and mine isn't? That's a hit below the belt. He knows I'm insecure about my nonprofit job and my Spanish major because it's not very lucrative.

And does he even know how much I've been hurting lately? How I've been getting 1 positive response out of every 20 surveys I do at work? Does he know how lonely I feel when I'm alone in my apartment at night? How I can barely breathe on the subway because of how nervous I feel? Does he fucking know? 

"Thats fucked up," Louis says, clenching his fists. I flinch back, scared he's going to hit me. His eyes are dark and angry and he's grinding his teeth- I've never seen him this enraged. "I didnt fucking fail, Harold. I can't afford another fucking class so they are letting me doing these summer classes at a discount. I didn't want to tell you that.... but, why does it matter anyways? My own boyfriend doesn't even support my education. Lovely."

I cross my arms against my chest and take a deep breath. "I do support you, Louis. I just don't appreciate the way you treat me when you're studying. It's like nothing else matters, you don't even care I exist. I saw you twice over the past two weeks. And this summer is our last chance before distance again.... I just miss you and I feel like you don't even care...."

"You don't think I care, Harry?" Louis says, shaking his head. "I do fucking care. I care so much about you. You don't think I miss you? I miss you so much. If it was up to me, I would spend the whole damn summer with you. But this surgery set me back in my classes, much more than I anticipated. And I might fail now. And I'm freaking the Fuck out.... as you can see..."

He points to his laptop and papers and suddenly i start to feel bad. I didn't know he was that behind.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know how stressed you were," I admit biting my lip.

"I'm sorry too," Louis replies. "I know I've been ignoring you, and we hardly talk anymore and I didn't really explain my situation fully.... I'm sorry Harry. I am glad you brought me a cupcake and that you came to see me. Thank you."

He reaches his arms out to hug me, and I allow it, wrapping my arms around his sides and squeezing. Louis nuzzles his head onto my neck, and it suddenly feels like everything is okay again.

But I still don't feel completely okay.

"What?" louis asks, looking up at me with curious eyes. "Are you okay?"

I shake my head, panicking as I realize there's a lump forming in my throat. "I've just been so lonely," i whimper. "Like I've been crying every day and all my friends and family are back in the UK And I've been having a rough time at work and commuting.... and i Just feel so alone, like I'm going crazy.... I'm going crazy, Louis. I know you're busy so I didn't want to bother you, but I'm not okay...."

I didn't mean to pour my heart out to him. It sort of just happened, and now I am here standing there with tear stained cheeks and snot dripping down my nose waiting for his answer.

"Aww, hey," Louis coos, taking me in his arms. He picks me up and carries me to the couch. "I'm so sorry I wasn't paying more attention and checking up on you, Haz. It's just school and the injury got in the way... it's not an excuse. I'm so sorry. How Can we fix this, babe? Tell me."

I shrug. "Dunno how to fix it, I'm just feeling so lonely. I guess I need to make more friends at my job but all my coworkers are old and the other young girl I asked to coffee and she said no..."

"Okay," Louis says, kissing my head. "That's not nice of her. She's probably a bitch so you dodged a bullet there. But hey, I'll be around much more after my test on Monday and we can go to that museum wanted, yeah? And the movies. I'll plan a whole date. Okay?"

I nod slowly, a tiny smile creeping across my face. But then I frown.

"Well, yeah," i say, skeptically. "I want to but it seems like you're just gonna do that out of pity...." 

"Nonsense," Louis says, tickling my tummy. "Since when do I not want to spend time with my best friend? Busy or not, we're going. I've been missing you too. I've been feeling lonely- I've just been here in my room with my notes and my crazy aunt. How do you think I feel?"

I giggle, imagining louis and his crazy aunt having dinner together while he studies compulsively and misses his mouth with his fork.

"Okay," i say, cuddling against louis' chest. "I love you."

"Love you too," Louis says, kissing my forehead. "Now lets go get something to eat. And then we can split that cupcake, yeah?"

"Yeah," I say, following him into the kitchen. "Okay."

A/n: holy fucking fluff.


	28. Building Up

Louis' POV

"Oh My gosh," Harry giggles, as he watches the first porn video ever created playing on the screen next to him in black and white. "They're not even showing any of the good stuff."

I roll my eyes, walking into the animal exhibit where I spot a giant paper maché statue of two orangutanes fucking. "Harold, look at the animals. It shows all their dick sizes!"

Harry laughs and follows me into the next room, already in hysterics from the porn video. As I see a dimply smile appear on his face, I decide then and there that this is the best 40$ I have ever spent.

"So do you love the Museum of Sex... or?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! I love it. I love it, Louis," Harry gushes, taking a snap shot of a diagram of a horse penis.

"Maybe I'll get you something from the gift shop, then," I say, laughing and pointing at the gold plated dildo that's on display in the adjacent window.

"Stop!" Harry chuckles. "Oh my god. They have glitter lube. That sounds messy."

"It does," I laugh. I take Harry's hand, and grab his waist dramatically. "I think we should reenact that black and white porno. Where's your dress?"

Harry wriggles our of my grip and shakes his hips. "You're wearing the dress, bitch."

Giggling, we jog into the gift shop, where we proceed to laugh hysterically at every item we come across, from the mankinis to the edible condoms (how do those even protect you?). We're in our early twenties (well I am, Harry is 20) and way too old for this shit, yet we don't care.

Honestly, we never really care. When I'm with Harry, it feels like it's just me and him, and the world around us just stops for a little. At least that's how it feels to me.

Im so glad I was able to plan this date for us. I know Harry has been craving my attention, and I haven't been able to give it to him given my hectic class and study schedule. But my big exam is finally over and I can focus on what really matters now: my relationship.

"I love you Hazzie," I say, squeezing his hand. "So much so that I'm going to cover you in edible condoms and eat them all off."

Harry snorts. "Not if I do it to you first."

"Deal," I say, grabbing the package and going up to be front as if I'm going to actually buy them.

"Wait, Lou! We forgot about the bounce house," Harry says, tugging on my arm.

"Oh shit, okay let's go," I say. We drop our stuff and head to the back of the museum. But instead of a bounce house, we are met with a sign saying "Boobie Bounce House is closed today."

"Oh man!" Harry says, pushing his lips out into a pouty frown. "I really wanted to jump around on some inflatable titties today."

"I'm sorry your Dream is crushed, Harold," I say, taking his hand. "We will have to come back."

"It's okay," Harry says, laughing. "I like balls better anyways."

"Get the Fuck over here, you are so wildly appropriate..." I say pretending to scold him. I inch closer and whisper in his ear. "But i love it."

"Mm, I love it too," Harry says biting his lip. "Do you think we can have sex in the Museum of sex? It's in the name."

"I think public intercourse is illegal everywhere -- even here," I say, frowning. "But we do have a lovely flat to go back to and put all of this newly learned information to use."

"Okay, lets go then!" Harry says, tugging at my arm like a child.

"Well, we can go home now. Orrrr we can get ice cream first," I say with a smile. "I know a place that has the homemade kind. It's real close."

"I'm real close," Harry jokes, biting his lip. "But okay. Let's get ice cream. I'm hungry."

"Awesome," I reply.

I take his hand and we exit the building, heading down the block and to the ice cream shop.

When we get there, the shop is just as I remembered it. The shop is a tiny, hole in the wall joint, which is almost unnoticeable upon walking past it.

But after we walk beneath the red awning and head inside, the magic of home made ice cream begins to surround us, and we bop along to Katy Perry and Lady Gaga throwbacks while choosing our ice cream flavors.

"It's called Odd Fellows because the flavors are all super weird," I explain to Harry as he looks up at the board. Sometimes I feel like Harry is a child and I have to teach him things or show him how to do stuff. After all, he does spill his food and drink 70% of the time we're together.

I'm not joking. The flavors are absurd. They change every day - and today iced tea flavor ice cream is on the menu as well as popcorn, beer, goat cheese and Ants on a log (celery and peanut butter).

"Ok, wow," Harry says, laughing. He heads up to the register to place his order, and as he does so I overhear him complimenting the employee on his playlist.

"Thanks," the worker says. "Glad you like it."

"Yeah, I love throwbacks, man," Harry says. "I'll take the iced tea and coffee flavors."

I smile. Not just because Harry is looking adorable today in his denim shorts, Red V-neck T-shirt and Toms, but because I know it took a lot for him to say that to the employee. Harry isn't necessarily shy, but he does have confidence issues, so he tends to shut down with strangers. There have been many a time where I had to place his order for him in the restaurant or talk to the delivery guy so he wouldn't have to.

"Hey, babe," I say, squeezing his shoulder. "What did you get?"

"Tea and coffee," he says.

"Boring," I say, rolling my eyes and adjusting my black tank top. "I got the celery flavor!"

The employees whip up our food, and soon Harry and I are holding multicolored cones of concoctions. Harry takes a bite, sending drips of orange ice cream flying all over the black and white checkered floor.

"Mmmfff, fuck," he says as he reaches for a napkin. "It's good. Tastes like Starbucks."

I take a bite of mine. "It's so good! Try it."

Harry leans down, licking the top of my cone with his long ass cow tongue. "Harold, that's gross," I complain.

But it's too late. Harry is already spitting the green colored ice cream all over the floor.

"S-sorry," he says, rushing it to clean it up.

"Oh my god," I cackle. "Harold, I can't take you anywhere."

"No, I can't take YOU anywhere," he grumbles, tugging at my pants, trying to pull them down.

"Why? Is it cause you wanna fuck me every chance you get?" I say slyly.

He releases his grip on my pants and puts two hands on my hips. "That's exactly why."

Harry's POV

I'm getting more anxious by the day knowing that junior year starts in just a week. Seven more days of freedom - seven more days of Louis.

I don't think my heart can take it.

Things have been a lot better with Lou lately, especially since our meltdown fight a few weeks ago when I got him that cupcake. Louis has really been making an effort to see me more often, and I've been trying to be more supportive of his studies.

But now he's leaving to go back to Chicago and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I know how I feel about it. I don't want him to go.

I know he has to. And it shouldn't be a big deal. We did distance before and we'll do it again. But after spending these past three months with him, I feel so much more attached to him, and I know it'll be harder to let go.

"Hey, babe," Louis says to me as we lie lazily in my bed watching rom-coms one night. "I just wanna tell you thank you... And no - not for fucking you, though that too. Thank you for spending time with me this summer."

"Of course. I love spending time with you," I say, playing with his hair. It's getting way too long lately and always falling into his eyes. Adorable.

"Yeah, but this was the toughest summer of my life," Louis continues. "Between my surgery, and not working out and my classes... you stood by me through it all. And no one else I know would do that. So thank you."

"You're welcome," I reply, kissing his cheek gently. "I'll always support you. No matter how bad things get. You know that, right?"

Louis eyes begin to fill with tears and he nods, tucking his head into the crook of my neck.

"Aww, cutie," I say, scooping him up onto my chest. "I love you so much. I'm gonna miss you."

"Gonna miss you too," Louis says, blotting his cheeks. "I fucking love you so much. More and more everyday."

I laugh. "We sound straight out of the Notebook but it's true. When's your next visit to New York?"

Louis shrugs and pulls out his phone to look at his academic calendar. "I can come in late September."

"For my birthday?" I ask, beaming. It'll be the first time celebrating my birthday with Louis.

"Sure!" he says, smiling. "Haz, don't kill me... but when's your birthday again?"

I whip my head around, nearly injuring my neck in the process. "How could you!" I shriek, exiting the bed with a dramatic sigh.

"Sowwy," Louis giggles. "The 24th?"

"An even number, wow," I say, shaking my head. "The 27th. It's a Tuesday this year."

"Okay. I'll put it in my Calendar so I never forget again," Louis says. "And I'll tattoo it to my chest. And my butt..."

"Enough," I say, covering his mouth with my hand. "You'll come for my birthday and we can celebrate it. And then I'll come to Chicago for Halloween, yeah? I know Halloween is your favorite American holiday. And it's on a weekend this year. How does that sound?"

"You're awesome babe!" Louis says, biting his lip. "That sounds so good."

"You know what else sounds so good..."I begin with a quick lip of the lips. "Pancakes for dinner!"

"That is so not sexy, Harold," Louis says, tapping at his dick in an attempt to get his boner to go down. "What a fakeout."

"I'm hungry though," I whine. It's true. I have been waiting to eat for hours.

"Okay, let's go cook. I just feel bad eating carbs at night. I've gained like 7 pounds so far, and my physical therapist won't let me do more exercises...."

"Shh," I interrupt. "Seriously, Louis. You look perfect. You really do. And like, I'm gonna be honest I get you feel insecure and all that you can't go to the gym, but I promise it's gonna be ok. Sometimes it's good to take a break."

Louis sits up and looks at me with a tense expression on his face. "Well that's easy for you to say, given that you get to work out all the time. Do you take a break?"

"Sometimes I do yeah," I say nervously. "I mean I had to quit my sport because I got too many injuries and I was ill, so yeah I know what that's like, Louis. I'm sorry. It just hurts me to see you so down on yourself."

"The gym was my life though," Louis replies, running a steady hand across his stubble. "Work, eat, sleep, gym. Repeat."

"Well, now it's work, eat, sleep, Harry. Repeat," I joke, sticking my tongue out. "But no, I get it. I'm sorry. I just want you to know you're beautiful no matter what. Even if you're not as jacked as you want to be. Your body needs rest to recover, and then you'll come back stronger."

"Are you calling me fat, Harry?" Louis asks.

I stare at him, unsure if he's being serious or not.

"Absolutely not," I reply, furrowing my brow. "You're not."

Louis chuckles and pulls me in for a hug. "I'm kidding, love. I know you're not. And thanks for that pep talk. It really does help. I still feel shit about the situation, but a bit better now."

"Aww," I reply, jumping up out of the bed and dragging Louis with me. "Great. Now let's go eat."

A/n: more fluff. ahhhh. okay lots of time hops to come. we've gotten through the first 8 or so months. here are the next major events: harry's bday, halloween, winter break. Winter break is going to be BIG drama and I'm hoping to do some time hops so we can get there ASAP. Also, Niall and Liam aren't that major in this plot. Do you want more of them? Do you want Zayn? Or Ed Sheeran? I could try to find places for them!

LMK. and as always thank u for reading


	29. Branching Out

Harry's POV

"Oh my god Niall, this semester is taking fucking forever. How is it only September still?" I groan. We're sitting in our favorite cafe munching on sandwiches as we discuss the week's happenings.

"Really mate, it feels like it's flying by," Niall replies. "Fuck, I already have exam."

"Do you now?" I ask, taking a bite of my ham and cheese sandwich. "I guess maybe it is going fast... I just miss Louis. It makes it feel longer."

"That could be it. I know you miss him. Sorry I haven't been around much. Between hanging out with Chelsea and going to practice, I've been swamped," Niall says.

That's right. Niall just joined the crew team this semester and has been wildly unavailable lately. His relationship with his girlfriend has also been getting pretty serious, and I'm happy for him, but I would be lying if I said it didn't limit his free time.

"It's okay. I get your busy. I might get a job or something to occupy my time. The newspaper isn't enough," I say with the shrug. "Speaking of, I normally don't talk to anyone on the newspaper but this new guy Zayn just joined. Transfer student. I guess he's eager to make friends. Invited me to get coffee."

"Are you sure that's not a date, Harry?" Niall giggles.

I shake my head, laughing. "No. No, as friends. I'm pretty certain of it."

"Right, well. Let me know how it goes. Potential new friend, sounds cool," Niall replies.

I nod, but bite my lip. Is it weird that maybe I wouldn't mind if Zayn considered it to be a date... that maybe I needed the attention?

Don't get me wrong. I love Louis. Love. Love. Love. Of course, I would never cheat on him. But sometimes, when we're apart I just feel so lonely, and all I want is someone to talk to and give me a little bit of their time to share.

Last year, Louis and I used to snap chat all throughout the day, so I didn't feel quite as lonely. But now, Louis has stopped texting significantly. In fact, he even leaves me on 'read' sometimes.

"Hey," I said to him a few days ago over the phone, addressing the matter. "I don't want to start problems but I feel like we have been talking a lot less than we used to last semester and it's not really working for me. Like we used to snap all the time, and now you don't really respond to my messages."

"Sorry, Haz," Louis replied. "I know I've been bad lately. But you saw my schedule. I'm taking an extra class, and the work at the lab is picking up. We need all our results processed by the end of the month, so we're working double what we used to. I wish I had better excuses, but you get that I'm busy right?"

I pouted my lips, and rolled my eyes, smitten that he can't see me from behind my phone. "Yeah, okay."

"Hazza," Louis breathed. "I know you're mad. I really am sorry. Why don't we talk once a day on Skype. For an hour. Does that work? It'll be easier than me texting you throughout the day."

"Okay," I said. "Yeah that works."

And it does work, for the most part. Louis and I have been doing it for the past week and I've felt a lot better. But I still don't feel entirely better.

"Harry, you're staring into space," Niall says, waving a hand in front of my face.

"Sorry," I say, blinking. "Sorry, I dunno, Niall. It's just that sometimes I feel like I'm living from moment to moment with Louis. Like I'm just living from one visit to the next. And I enjoy myself a ton during each visit, but not at all in between. I'm sort of reliant on him..."

"I'm sorry mate. I don't really know what that's like but I can imagine it's tough," Niall admits, putting a hand on my arm. "But listen. You and I can hangout this weekend. See a movie or something, yeah? And you have plans with that Zayn guy. Just keep yourself busy and soon enough Louis will be here. You don't have to stop living your life just because he's not here."

I purse my lips together, stroking my chin slightly. I've been trying to grow a beard for ages, but all I can ever manage is some sporadic stubble.

"You're right, Ni," I reply as I begin to clean up my trash. "I just gotta stay busy."

Louis' POV

"And so I met this guy Zayn at the newspaper," Harry gushes over Skype one evening. "I was super nervous because he seemed really cool, but he was a transfer and wanted to make new friends. So we got coffee. And we talked about music and it turns out he had extra tickets to the Big Sean concert this weekend so Niall and I are gonna come with."

"Wow, Harry," I say, smiling at him. "That's awesome, babe. I'm so glad you made a new friend. You kept telling me how lonely you were. Are you excited for the concert?"

"Oh yeah," Harry replies, his green eyes shimmering with excitement. "I don't fuckkkkk with youuuuu! You little stupid ass bitch!!!"

"I ain't fucking with you!" I chime in.

"There's a million trillion things that I'd rather fucking do... than to be fucking with you!" Harry finishes.

"Hey," I say, wrinkling my nose. "That's pretty fucking rude, Harold. Fucking you is the first thing on my list of priorities."

Harry laughs, clutching his stomach dramatically and leaning back into his bed. "Same, though. So how are things, my little comedian? How is Liam?"

"Things are busy. Nothing eventful today. Though tomorrow is our final culture in the lab so we will finally be able to dump all that shit out of our freezer," I say with a sigh. "I'm kind of glad I have all this stuff to do. Takes my mind of missing the gym."

"Oh right," Harry says. "How's the shoulder?"

"Feels better, I'm still in physical therapy though," I reply, cringing as I think back to earlier today when I could hardly do a half push-up without falling on my face. I used to be able to crank out thirty at a time. "Also, Liam is good. He's kind of been a dick lately. Ever since he got a girlfriend, he refuses to drive me places."

"Oh, that sucks," Harry replies. He opens his mouth and squints his eyes, releasing a tiny cat-like sound. I fucking love his yawn.

"Alright, well, you're clearly tired, Harry. Talk tomorrow, yeah?"

Harry sticks his tongue out. "Fine. Love you."

"Love you. Night."

Harry's POV

"I am so hype for this!" I giggle as I make my way into the concert venue with Niall and Zayn.

We have general admission tickets, so we walk past the bar and to the area in front of the stage, where a mob has already formed. As I look around at the people pushing and shoving, my smile fades to a frown and I begin to wonder if three shots was enough.

"Don't worry mate," Zayn says, as we make our way deeper into the crowd. "I've got just the thing to take your mind off it."

Zayn smooths back his jet black hair and reaches into the pocket of his black skinny jeans. Niall and I both grin at each other as he pulls out a blunt, perfectly twisted and wrapped, and a neon blue lighter.

"Sick, thanks mate," Niall says with a grin. Niall is wearing a pair of black joggers and a tight white T-shirt, perhaps going for the 'athleisure' look. I on the other hand, am wearing light washed skinny jeans and an orange Hawaiin shirt. What, I really like colors, OK?

Zayn puts the blunt to his lips and lights up, taking a hit before passing on to Niall. Once Niall inhales, he passes it to me. I start to feel better already after a few rotations.

"Now we're gonna enjoy the concert," Zayn says, tossing the butt of the blunt away.

"For sure," Niall replies. He slaps me on the back. "You excited, Harry?"

"Excited, but also relaxed," I giggle. The opener starts coming on and I begin to cheer, despite not even knowing who she is.

"Probably more excited than relaxed," Zayn says with a laugh.

Time seems to slow down and I start to feel looser and lighter on my feet. It's nothing like the experience I had with Louis, thank god. But I do feel high - and I like it.

When Big Sean finally comes on, we all start cheering. I see the band emerging first, and then he's stepping out with his red track suit and sunglasses. Sunglasses, indoors? That's quite hilarious.

If I'm being honest, I don't know most of Big Sean's music and neither does Niall. We sort of just sway back and forth and pump our fists when it's appropriate. Zayn seems to know all the words to every song and I move my mouth quickly to pretend I know them too.

But the truth is we're all just here waiting for that one moment. To hear him sing his hit single.

And when I hear the music coming on, I go fucking nuts, jumping up and down like I'm on a fucking pogo stick.

"I don't fuck with youuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!"

We're all screaming now, Niall, Zayn and I. I stand in the middle and throw an arm around each of them as we sing along.

Niall laughs and makes eye contact with me every time he says 'you little stupid ass bitch,' and I roll my eyes, pointing right back at him. Zayn, however, is a bit more distant and avoids eye contact, keeping his chestnut eyes fixed on the stage.

At one point, we do meet eyes, briefly, but his shoulders tense and he looks away as if nothing happened. Weird.... I think to myself. But then the chorus repeats and I'm singing again, not caring, not worrying.

When we exit the concert that night, our ears ringing as we rave over the music, I feel so incredibly content. And not just because I'm still stoned.

I'm happy because I actually enjoyed myself tonight, and hung out with friends without worrying about Louis and when I'll see him next. Without checking my phone. Without snap chatting him.

What we have is amazing and I'm grateful for him every second. But after my conversation with Niall, I have come to realize that maybe I rely on him a little too much. And I don't want to be that dependent.

I have to be strong and independent on my own. Louis is a wonderful boyfriend, but he can't always be there for me - and understandably so.

"Yo, Harry!" Niall calls as we hop into the Uber. "Down for diner food?"

"Duh," I reply, absentmindedly following him into the back seat. "Chicken nuggets and mozzarella sticks."

"And chips!" Zayn chimes in. "French fries, whatever."

"Yes," I reply. "Fuck yes."

As the taxi pulls out of it's parking spot, I lean back on my seat, licking my lips. I can't fucking wait for the mozz sticks.

A/N: Thank you for reading you lovelies! So I have some questions for you if you don't mind answering

1\. I always make Niall and Harry meet for lunch/coffee after class. Is that getting kind of boring? It's sort of their routine and I kind of just use that to give Harry moments to catch up and vent about his life, but I can change it up and make them do other things if that's more interesting.

2\. This is a minor thing, but I tried to slip in their outfits and what they look like in there a little. Did that work or was it weird? It just sounds really formal to me for some reason.

3\. What did you think of Zayn?


	30. Wishing

A/N: I am getting so exhausted writing this, it's really jogging my memory. But I am going to finish it for y'all. I promise we'll get there. Sometimes I feel like I am just writing 5 million fluff scenarios in a row, but it's really what happened. I hope it's interesting.

Harry's POV

"Where are we going?" I ask. I'm smiling so fucking wide right now and I can't help it. It's by 21st birthday and Louis is here and that's all that really matters.

"Well, we could be super American and go to the bar and get you your 'first legal drink,'" Louis says, grabbing my hand and twirling my wrist a bit. "But you and I both know you've been UK legal for ages. I have something a little different planned."

"Okay!" I say, shimmying my shoulders closer to Louis and pushing my face against his.

"Harold, you invade my personal space constantly, but I love it," Louis says, running a hand through my hair.

I honestly can't believe how turned on I am right now. We literally just had sex less than an hour ago... twice. The blow-up mattress in my room has definitely seen better days.

Louis takes my hand and begins to walk down the street, leading us past colorful street art and overfilled parking lots. Just as I begin to wonder where exactly we're headed, I see my favorite crepe restaurant emerging in the distant.

Crepes are Louis' absolute favorite food. He tells me Germans love their crepes, but I'm pretty sure it's a French thing? Who knows?

Anyways, we've been to more crepe cafes in the past few months than I can count on two hands, and I've grown to love the delicious, Nutella filled pastries. This place that we're going to now is actually a crepe place Niall and I discovered last semester. It's an Asian fusion place, so the crepes have tons of options like green tea ice cream, fruit, and Mochi.

"How did you know about this place?" I ask Louis, jumping onto his back as we make our way inside.

"Harold," Louis yelps. "You are 6 feet tall, mister. You can't jump on me like a child. But if you must know, Niall told me."

I laugh and jump off him, running over to the poster of a chocolate ice cream crepe stuffed with Nutella. It's wild to me how comfortable I've become with Louis since we met last fall. At first, I was so nervous and constantly afraid he would leave if I did something wrong.

But now, I trust him completely, and I have no fear being unapologetically myself. Even if that self happens to be a squealing child in a 21 year olds man body.

After a few minutes, Louis picks what he wants and we place our orders, watching excitedly as the man prepares the crepes on a spinning burner in front of us.

Part of me feels a tinge of guilt for choosing such an unhealthy choice. There were other crepes with nuts and fruit, but I chose the dessert one. And I literally just had dessert this afternoon when Louis baked me a penis shaped birthday cake...

It's all too much in my head. But Instead of panicking, I take a deep breath and push those nagging thoughts to the back of my mind. It's my birthday and I'm going to fucking enjoy it.

"Damn, these are good," Louis says. His blue eyes widen and his lips twist into a satisfied smile.

"Can I have a bite?" I ask, reaching for his strawberry shortcake crepe.

Louis hands me it and then pushes the whipped cream into my face, getting it all over my nose and chin.

"I hate you," I grumble, sticking my tongue out him.

"Love you too," Louis chuckles.

A little while later, once we're finished with our food, Louis takes my hand and leads me down the road to our next destination. Once we reach the cement steps, I know exactly where we're headed.

The movies. Of course.

Louis loves the movies, and the majority of dates he plans end with us going there. We've seen everything from romantic comedies to action movies to mysteries. Today, we're seeing a Western movie.

"I know you'll like this," Louis says, squeezing my hand as we take our seats in the theatre. It's nearly empty aside from another couple that's a half dozen rows away.

It seems a bit odd. But what else could you expect on a Tuesday night?

The movie opens with Chris Pratt in a cowboy costume, and I smile at Louis, thankful he remembered my favorite actor.

"He's so daddy," I whisper to Louis, snuggling into his shoulder as I lean against my chair.

"You know who else is daddy?" Louis whispers.

I bite my lip. "You."

"No, You," louis replies, kissing my neck.

Why did he have to do that...? We're about 3 minutes into the movie and now I'm fully hard. And Chris Pratt hadn't even taken off his shirt yet.

"Harold," Louis breathes. "Can I do something for You?"

I nod, watching in excitement as Louis makes his way down to the floor. There's no fucking way.... I'm about to get movie head!

It's not totally out of the blue. I gave Louis a blow job the last time we went to the movies over the summer to see Neighbors 2, and ever since, he's been dying to repay me.

"Fuck," I whisper, as Louis grips his lips around my shaft. His tongue slides up and down and then lands on the tip, causing me to squirm as he suckles the sensitive ends of the rim.

"Ahhh!" A moan escapes my lips and Louis squeezes my hand, trying to get me to stop.

I look up and notice that Chris Pratt has now joined up with an equally hot actor and I sink my teeth into my lower lip to stifle my moans.

Louis continues sucking me off, going deeper with each stroke until I can physically feel the back of his throat. I wonder if I'm hurting him, but I know from experience it's not painful - you just don't want to hit your gag reflex.

When Louis licks my tip again, I grip the arm rests of my seat and tilt my head back, allowing myself to drip into his mouth.

I'm not worried about making a mess. Louis always swallows.

"How was that, birthday boy?" Louis says, joining me back in his seat and offering me a toothy grin.

"Fucking amazing," I breathe, kissing him full on. I don't care about the dick taste.

"We're Even now, yeah?" louis says with a giggle.

"Yeah.... unlesss i do it again," I say with a smirk. Without saying anything I lower myself to my knees.

It's my birthday, but Louis deserves some fun too.

Louis' POV

"Harry you look adorable!" I gush, jogging over to him.

It's Halloween and Harry and I are currently sitting in my flat, trying to assemble our costumes for the night.

We decided to go with a couples costume, following the theme of cartoon characters since we both watched way too many of those growing up as kids.

At the end of the day, we decided on Cosmo and Wanda from the Fairly Odd parents. I didn't mind being either one, but Harry was adamant on being Wanda - he said he had longer hair and already owned a yellow shirt - so I went with Cosmo.

"We should have bleached it," Harry grumbles, jutting out his bottom lip.

He's totally right. Both of our hair colors are so dark that the spray on hair dye we had used is barely visible. Instead of pink and green hair, we are currently rocking brown hair with a tiny tint of each color.

"Whatever, we still have the costume yeah?" I reply, running a hand through my beard. When I pull it out, my fingers are stained with green hair dye. Maybe that wasn't the best Idea.

"Okay," Harry agrees. "Let's take a photo then."

"Right. Liam!" I call.

Liam rushes into the living room, clad in a Superman costume. How original....

"What's wrong?" He asks, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms over his muscle suit.

"Harry wants you to take a photo," I say, giggling. I know how much he hates to be the center of attention or ask for favors, and it's hilarious to see his reaction.

"What? No. Louis did, sorry Liam," Harry stammers. "Didn't mean to be a bother."

"Nah, don't worry about it. I'll take a photo," Liam says with a laugh.

Harry smiles and rushes over to me, wrapping an arm tightly around my waist. We stand in front of the kitchen wall and Liam snaps a few photos, then sends them over to Harry and I.

"Thank you!" Harry shouts, looking at the photo.

"Aww, you're so cute," I say, making the mistake of running my hand through Harry's pink stained curls.

"Don't touch The hair!" Harry says, swatting my hand away. "Fuck, we almost forgot the props!"

Harry heads back into the bedroom and returns with two hand painted crowns and wands that he made for us.

"My little artist," I say. Harry blushes and kisses me on the cheek.

"I love you," he says.

"Love you too," i reply, coiling an arm around his waist.

"Speaking of granting wishes..... Louis, what do you wish for?" He asks, wrinkling his nose.

I shrug my shoulders. I'd never really thought about it before. Well, that's a lie. I have. Usually I wish for practical things like money or some type of amazing ability. But since I met Harry, practicality has been much lower on my list of priorities.

Sometimes when I lay in bed at night, I think about my future with Harry. How things might end up- us getting a house together, adopting a kid. It makes me so happy my heart feels like it might swell. But it also makes me extremely scared, and i push the thought away before I get too excited.

I would love to end up with Harry. That's honestly my dream. But we're both so young. I'm only 23, and I haven't even finished school yet. I have no way of knowing that Harry and I are going to work - that we will last long enough for us to move in together. And Harry's even younger than me - 21. And he's so sensitive, vulnerable. I don't want to get his hopes up only to hurt him....

"What is it then?" Harry repeats.

"I wish... " I begin. Should I tell him?

"I wish that we both end up really happy," I say carefully.

"Oh," Harry says, his eyes dropping to the floor. "Not together?"

"If that's what's supposed to happen, then yeah," I say, gripping his bicep gently. "Just want you to be happy."

"I'm happy with you," Harry says, nestling his head on my shoulder. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

I turn and cup Harry's jaw in my hands. "No way, love. I'm not trying to at all. I want you. Only you. You know that."

Harry nods. "But I want to end up with you, Louis. I love you. So much. So so much. You're my best friend."

I feel my eyes start to water, and wipe the tears away with my index finger. This wasn't how tonight was supposed to turn out.

"I do too. You're my best friend," I caress his head, Petting his hair.

Liam and his girlfriend walk past us to leave, shouting goodbye over their shoulders. But we don't respond.

"But you don't want me," Harry whispers.

"I do, I do," I assure him.

"But not for the long term," Harry sniffles. He's crying now too, and I feel so awful for causing him this much pain. "I'm not asking for forever. Just... for a long time? Maybe... do you want that?"

My throat feels heavy with emotion and I start to choke out my words. "I don't know."

Harry pushes me away, walking towards the door. "Okay, then."

"Harry," I call, grabbing his arm before he leaves. "You know I love you so much, babe. But you know how I live in the present. I don't think about my future... and you know my mom and dad had a bad divorce. I'm just scared... of thinking of relationships and the future and things like that. Because... cause I don't want to mess it up with you. You're incredibly perfect...."

Harry's green eyes widen and I see his frown begins to melt into a softer expression. "I'm sorry about your parents. I didn't know... haven't met them..."

"You will one day, babe," I say with a smile. "I'm taking you to Germany eventually. You'll meet them."

Harry smiles and pinches my cheek lightly. "That's my wish then. To go to Germany."

"Okay," I reply. "That's mine too."


	31. Dancing

Harry's POV

Time flies by at a ridiculously slow pace after Halloween. There are no more visits with Louis, and nothing but exams and projects and papers to work on. I've been picking up extra shifts at the newspaper, so I've been writing two articles a week instead of one. Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe how I've been feeling lately.

Zayn, Niall and I have been good about keep in touch, though we've all been so busy lately that we haven't had much time to go out together. I try to grab a quick lunch or coffee with Niall after class at least once a week, and I see Zayn at the paper, so I never go too long without spending time with him.

But even though my friends are great and my classes are keeping me occupied, I can't help but feel a void inside me. It's like a gnawing, empty feeling in my chest, and I can't stand it.

I get the feeling when I'm walking down the street and see couples giggling or holding hands. When I go the bar and see people making moves on potential hookups, or when I grab a coffee at the cafe and see a couple on their first date. I know I shouldn't care, after all I have my own boyfriend. It's not like I'm single and yearning for a relationship.

But honestly, that's what makes it even worse. Knowing that I have someone so amazing and special and wonderful, but that he's not here right now. And that I can't see him whenever I want like those kids. That I have to wait.

It sucks, of course, and though I'll never tell Louis this, I've spent several nights crying because of how lonely I've been without him. I know I said I had to stop relying on him, but it's so hard. Yes, I can call Niall or Zayn when something is bothering me, but no one is going to be able to comfort me the way Louis does. No one can take me in their arms and tell me it's going to be okay the way he does. No one can match that sapphire stare, and that gentle caress. It's only Louis who can do those things for me. It's only Louis who can make me feel better.

One December afternoon, after hours of studying for finals, I just can't take it anymore. Louis hasn't been answering his phone since he's been in the lab, and Niall and Zayn are likely at the library studying.

So I do the only thing I can think of to take the pain away: drink. I have a bottle of raspberry vodka in my room and I pour myself a shot in a shot glass that Louis gave to me. It's small and has a German flag on it.

I take a swig, and then pour myself two more shots. The next thing I know, I'm seven shots deep and blasting Christmas carols in my underwear.

I have a bunch of Christmas decor in my room, because it is my favorite holiday after all. And pretty soon, I'm wearing a Santa hat and sasheeing around my room with a string of Christmas lights, shimmying around with it like I'm in a music video.

Eventually, I get bored of dancing on my own, so I call Louis to join in on the fun.

"Hey, babeeee," I giggle into my Skype camera. It's about 10pm, and Louis looks like he just got back from the lab- his goggles are even around his neck.

"Hi, Harold, what is going on with you?" he asks, noting that I'm shirtless and wearing a Santa hat.

"Oh, I'll show you!" I jump up to turn on the music and begin my dance, being sure to make a seductive face at the camera while I do it.

I expect Louis to be turned on - maybe even to take off some clothing of his own. But he doesn't. Instead, he just starts laughing.

"Oh my god, Harry, are you drunk," he chuckles, covering his face with his hand.

"A lil," I hiccup, shooting him a toothy grin. "Don't laugh. I'm being sexy for you, Lou-ee."

"Oh, yes you are. You look great," Louis says, biting his lip. "You're always sexy for me."

"Ha, do you wanna see my booty?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

Before Louis even answers, I prop myself up against my dresser and begin to twerk - or at least I try to. I can't see myself doing it, but I like to imagine that I am a total expert. Based on the cheering and applause Louis is giving me, I'm quite sure that I am.

"Oh my gosh, I wish I was there with you," Louis says, smiling into the camera. "You're amazing, Harry."

"Thanks!" I reply, running my hands over my chest. I throw my head back and run my hands through my hair too, like I've seen professional dancers do before at the club.

"Let me just get inside my room - sorry. Liam go away!" Louis shouts over his shoulder.

"Is that Harry?" Liam asks, walking towards the camera.

"Hi, Liam! Merry Christmas," I say with a laugh. The Christmas lights are wrapped around my arms now and I shake a bit, showing them off.

"Merry Christmas to you too," he says, slowly backing away from the camera. I hear him mumble "Sorry mate, didn't know you were having Skype sex."

"Skype sex! What's that?" I ask, excitedly. I want sex.

"Well, it's kind of what we're doing now. I mean, if we were to touch ourselves as we talk, or I touch myself as you dance..." Louis says, his cheeks flushing red a little.

"Ohhhh," I reply. "Oh yeah. Okay. Touch yourself while I dance. And then you dance I touch myself!"

Louis shrugs and nods, closing the door to his room and setting his laptop down on the table.

I continue to dance my dance, eventually slipping my boxers off as I do it.

"Damn," Louis says.

I giggle and continue, shaking my ass at the camera. For a moment, I wonder if my personal FBI agent is watching through the camera. But then I think - oh well, I hope he enjoys the show.

Eventually, after two more songs and a ton of body rolls, Louis is moaning wildly, and I crouch down, gripping my dick at the sight of his O-face. His mouth is open and his eyes are closed tightly. He twitches his nose a bit, moaning before he comes.

Just seeing that is enough to make me fully hard, and I jerk myself off, thinking about how bad I want him to take it next time I see him. A few seconds later, I'm dripping like a water fountain, and I use my Santa hat to clean it up.

"Now your turn," I say, once we've both recovered. "I already came, but I still wanna see you dance.

Louis pouts his lips. "Fine."

He gets up, removing his jumper and his khaki pants. His ass looks so plump in his red boxers, and I feel like I might cum a second time.

Louis starts to gyrate his hips, doing a few body rolls of his own in the process. He moves his hands down his torso and grips his crotch, sticking out his tongue sexily.

"Fuck that's hot," I say, watching as he continues to dance for me. "I have the hottest fucking boyfriend.

Louis' POV

By the end of the semester, I'm absolutely dead tired from work, exams and the lab. Liam has been a bit of an asshole lately ever since he got a girlfriend, but the relationship actually ended up being shortlived, and soon he has back to her normal self. Apparently, the girl had been cheating on him a lot, which was why he was always in a bad mood.

I'm not quite sure why he stayed with her after she cheated on him the first time. Liam isn't really one for forgiveness. So maybe it was something else. Desperation, perhaps?

Regardless, I'm coming home today, and I can't wait to see Harry It's been over a month since I last saw him, and I am missing those adorable hugs he always gives me.

Harry is so fucking sweet, and he's the best boyfriend. Though I will admit he's a little high maintenance. Not high maintenance in terms of material goods or desires or things like that. Harry would be happy if I gave him a dog toy for Christmas.

But he's high maintenance in terms of attention, and sometimes it takes a lot of energy from me. Harry is the type who wants to be coddled, and it's something I love about him. If it was up to me, I would just take him home and shower him with attention all day every day.

"I wish it was my job to date you," I once told Harry. "Like if I just got a stipend each week and I could take you anywhere and just spoil you."

I truly wish that was my job. But sadly it's not, and I don't always have time to give Harry all of the attention he needs. It breaks my heart too, when he texts me and I can't back fast enough. Or when I don't have enough time for our daily Skype sessions.

The truth is, I'm not great at time management to begin with, and I've always been bad at multi-tasking. When I sit down to study, I can only manage one task at a time. I will cram and cram for one subject until I know it completely - and I can't move on to the next subject until I do.

That's how I feel with Harry - I can either give him all of my attention or none of it, and sometimes I end up giving him none.

We've talked about this, though, and I know we have to fix it. Rather, I have to fix it. The winter break should be a great time for me to make up for that lost time during the semester where I wasn't able to keep in touch with Harry as much as he liked.

Today, for example, we're going ice skating. And I know he's going to fucking love it.

(a few hours later)

"You haven't improved from last time, have you, Lou?" Harry giggles as I slowly make my way across the ice.

"Shuddup," I laugh, leaning onto the railing for support.

"You have to glide, baby," Harry instructs me.

"Just like I'm going to glide into your ass tonight," I reply.

"Louis! Damnnnn," Harry says, his green eyes widening. "You're becoming more savage than me."

"Perhaps I am," I giggle as I trudge after Harry, who is several steps ahead of me.

"So you're coming to that event with my parents next week, yeah? It'll be fun. It's like a cocktail party," Harry says, grabbing a hold of my hand.

"Yeah," I say, feigning a smile. "Probably."

Harry nods and we continue to skate, though deep down, I'm kicking myself for saying yes. The last thing I want to do is spend any extended period of time with Harry's parents. After the gun incident during the last time I saw them, I'm pretty sure you can understand why...

"Lou!" Harry shouts, waving me over to the side of the rink. "Take a picture with me. This girl is gonna take it."

I nod and inch my way over to where he's standing, nearly toppling onto Harry in the process. Harry grabs my waist to steady me, and now I know what he felt like in the gym all those months ago - when I was the expert, and he was struggling. Now the roles are reversed.

"Got it!" the girl tells us, handing Harry his phone back.

"Thank you!" he squeals. "We look so ca-yute, Lou!"

I take the phone from his hands, inspecting the picture. The height difference is something I will never get over, but Harry looks adorable in his black beanie, with his crazy curls popping out at the edges, and I don't look to shabby in my parka and fur hat.

"We do, Hazzie," I giggle. "You always look cute."

A/n: so much fluff. and smut. yes.

Anyways, I saw Liam perform live in NYC last night and almost died okay wow. He performed little things, history and drag me down & I just about had a heart attack. I'm seeing Harry tonight at Madison square garden. Hopefully I survive seeing that gorgeous face...


	32. Disagreeing

Louis' POV

"Louis, I just... I seriously don't understand why you would wait to tell me until the night before the event?" Harry chokes into the receiver. "My parents keep asking me why you're not coming... and I just don't even have a reason...."

"I'm sorry," I reply, biting my lip. I'm sitting at my desk, and this is the last conversation I want to be having.

I feel bad, because I know Harry is disappointed in me and that I'm putting in a tough spot. But I genuinely cannot bring myself to go to Harry's parent's event.

I went to another event with his parents a few weeks ago, and it was emotionally draining. His dad kept poking at fun at me, and his mother wouldn't stop complaining about Harry and asking me questions about his personal life.

"So does Harry use the shampoo we got him from Paris?" she nagged, when Harry went to the bathroom. "You would know better than us. He hardly keeps in touch."

"I hope you're treating my boy well," Harry's father said not-so-discreetly later in the evening. "I never pictured him ending up with a guy, but here you are. And it's been, what? A year now? When are you popping the question.... I'm kidding!!!"

To say the night went badly would be an understatement. And Harry knew it was hard for me. He gets how much pressure was placed on me. Yet now, he's suddenly telling me it's not that bad - not reason enough to miss out on this event tonight. And I keep telling him it is...

"Harry, honestly, we talked about this," I continue. "And it's just too emotionally draining. I can't take it - and I have work in the morning. They want to travel up to Westchester - and I just... I can't do it..."

"Well you can but you don't want to," Harry pouts. "I know they're tough, but it wouldn't be for long. Plus there's gonna be drinks."

I want to tell him not enough drinks in the world could save me from those people, but I hold my tongue. That's a bit too far - even for me.

"It's just... I didn't think it through when I said yes," I say quietly. "I know there will be drinks, but it's still a lot."

Harry doesn't respond. Instead, he sighs deeply and I can tell he's crying - or about to.

"Just say it then," Harry finally says in a low tone.

"Say what?" I ask.

"The truth. That you don't want to come," Harry snaps.

"Okay. Fine. I don't want to come," I say, cringing.

"And that you never planned on coming and just stalled on telling me until it was too late to convince you," Harry continues.

I hate this. I hate how I'm making him so upset. But I've been holding my ground in this argument, and I'm not going to stop now.

"Okay, fine. I knew you would throw a tantrum, so I didn't tell you until now," I admit.

"Tantrum?" Harry repeats. I can picture his brow furrowing, his face darkening. "I'm not a child. You're a child for not telling me and hiding. Now I have to go alone, and they're gonna continue to pester me about why you couldn't make it. I'm so done with you, Louis."

"Hey!" I say, my voice raising a bit. "I love you so much, Harry, and you know that. But I'm not here to—"

"I know," Harry huffs. "You're not here to entertain me. Whatever. Have a good day tomorrow."

He hangs up and I sit there staring at my phone. Harry and I have fought a few times, like that time at the gym or during the cupcake incident. But it was never this bad— never this intense.

And it certainly never resulted in Harry not talking to me for two days, which is exactly what happens next. My heart aches when I think about him, but I figure he needs some time to cool down - we both due.

On the third day, however, I give in and decide to text Harry asking to meet up for coffee.

"Hey, I, um," I say, when I see my curly haired angel entering the Starbucks. "I love you. I'm sorry I can't stay mad."

Harry rolls his eyes, accepting the kiss that I'm currently planting on his cheek.

"I'm the one who should be mad, remember?" Harry mutters. But he hugs me close, massaging my back and resting his head on my shoulder for a few seconds.

"I missed you," he says in a small voice as he begins to pull away.

"Missed you too. I'm sorry for what I did," I reply, biting my lip and leading him to a table.

"It's okay— I mean it's not," Harry says, his green eyes filling with clear tear drops. "I cried a ton. But I realized, I can't force you. It's your choice to come. I just thought... I thought you'd want to...."

"Hey, Hazza," I say, taking his hand. "Baby, I'm sorry. I felt guilty too. And I knew I was disappointing you. I should have just gone.... but I couldn't bring myself to go. I just really didn't want to."

"I'm sorry you hate my parents," Harry says, looking down at his shoes. "I hate them too... especially my dad. He's so awful to you..."

"It's okay," I reply. "You're not your family."

Harry's face lights up, and he smiles at me, giggling a bit. His tears start to flow and I feel my eyes getting wet too.

"I'm glad," he replies.

I get up and stand behind him, resting my head on the crook of his neck. "And baby, don't worry. I will come to family events. Just not all of them. Is that okay?"

Harry nods, turning up to kiss me. "Yeah, Lou. That's okay. I love you."

"Love you too."

Harry's POV

Winter break is going swimmingly with Louis. Some days, we go to the movies or hit the ice rink, others- when Lou isn't working- we lounge In bed watching Netflix and eating take out.

He's slept over so many nights in a row, that I almost feel like he's an extension of myself. When I wake up in the morning, I find myself expecting a cuddle or a peck on the head from Lou. And when I lie down to sleep, I anticipate him wrapping his arms around my waist so I can be little spoon.

"Love you, babe," I'll tell him, kissing his head gently before bed.

"Love you too," he'll reply. "Always."

Always? I love him always too.

But sometimes I don't know if I believe him. Always is such a long time - and we had this talk before, not too long ago. When Lou said his parents had a bad divorce, which ultimately scared from thinking about our future. He said he wants to be with me long term, and I trust that. But how long is long term? Another few months? Or a few years?

What if one day he decides he's tired of this and he leaves me? What if he picks up and goes like all the others before him?

I try to tell myself that it's not going to happen, though. Louis is different. He's not like the other girls and guys. He loves me - Fuck, he loves me. He holds me and keeps me safe and takes me to my favorite places and joins in on my silly dancing and raunchy comments. He loves me. He does.

I know that.

At the same time, I would be lying if I said things haven't been distant lately. Ever since the incident with my parents' event, it's been a bit weird. I feel like he's more quiet than usual, doesn't tell me how he feels as much.

I noticed it one day when I was making lunch at my apartment. Louis was barely looking up from his phone as I talked with him about my plans for next semester abroad in Spain. 

"Louis, I asked if you have any tips for my semester in Spain," I repeat.

"What, huh?" Louis asks. "Oh, well it's Europe. So it'll be fun. Just don't get taken like that girl in the movie."

I roll my eyes. "No I'm being serious! Do you have advice? I know you visited Spain a few times. And I'm so nervous- I'm leaving in two weeks!"

Louis still doesn't answer, and now I'm getting the sense that he's not okay with me going away to Spain. He's always assured me how much fun I'm going to have, and how happy he is for me to go, but now that it's coming down to it, he seems less than enthused.

"Lou," I say, putting the spatula down and stepping away from the stove. "Are you... not okay with me going...?"

Louis looks up at me, his blue eyes completely indecipherable beneath the living room lighting.

"No, I am. I want you to go...." he begins.

"But you don't want to stay together while I'm on the trip?" I interrupt. "I thought we talked about this!"

"Harry," Louis says, standing up and putting a hand on each of my shoulders. "I never said any of that. I love you, I want you to go, and I want to stay with you during it. No open relationships. I promise. I love you too much to share you."

I smile, looking down at the floor and then back into his eyes. "Alright. I can't share either. Are you positive, though?"

"Absolutely," Louis says, squeezing my arm. "Sorry, I've just been a bit distracted lately. But I promise I'm on board. I love you Hazzie."

He kisses me and I melt into his touch, unable to move or speak. I just wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze. Because I love him too, and I trust him. So fucking much.

****************  
(Harry's POV continued)

A few days before I leave for Spain, it finally starts to hit me how serious things are. Louis and I were doing distance in the states, and would usually only see each other every few months. But now I would be in Europe - and I wouldn't be able to see him for six full months.

Six. That's half a year. That's 180 days. That's... way too much time.

And I don't know if my heart can take it.

We love each other too much to leave the relationship open though. Louis said he can't stand thinking about me with another guy or girl, and I can't even think about him with another guy without getting nauseous with envy.

So distance is really our only choice. Daily Skype. Snap. Whatsapp. We're going to make it work.... I hope.

Today, with three days to go before my flight, Louis and I go to a Twenty One Pilots concert. We planned it months ago— Louis actually got us tickets as a part of my birthday present in the fall. It ended up being perfect timing too, because it was a great way to celebrate our remaining days together before my trip.

"Lou, you're gonna love the band," I giggle, swinging his hands as we exit the subway and head up to the venue.

Louis nods and opens the door for me. Seconds later were both just standing there, laughing hysterically.

As far as the eye can see, the entire concert hall is crawling with nothing but middle school aged students - many of whom are accompanied by their parents. There are a rare few high school aged kids, and even fewer people in their twenties.

"Is this a kids concert, Harold!" Louis giggles, elbowing me in the rib.

"I swear it's not!" I laugh. "It's kind of dark and serious music. I have no idea why there's so many kids...."

Louis shrugs and we begin to walk through security. I bite my lip and Louis removes his phone and Keys from his back pockets, showcasing his round bum, which strains against his skinny jeans. 

I fucking wish he would wear those more - and not just for formal events like concerts. But Louis always says joggers are more comfortable. 

"Let's go, Haz. Do you need help with the bathroom? Want me to change your pull-up?" Louis jokes.

"No thanks, I think I'm good in that department," I reply.

We wander about the concert area for a while, deciding to each buy a beer, and then head to our seats.

There's a lot of down time before the band starts playing, and I spend it drinking my beer - nearly spilling it all over my T-shirt in the process - and annoying Louis to no end about which song he thinks they're gonna play first.

"I think it'll be Stressed Out... or Heathens.... or... oh shit! Louis, they're coming out," I cry, patting his arm excitedly.

Louis smiles and strokes my hand,though I can tell he's nowhere near as excited for this as I am. He's familiar with the band, but not a die hard fan like me.

As soon as Tyler and Josh hit the stage a few seconds later, I'm dancing and singing along to every lyric I can remember - even though I get them wrong half the time.

Louis sways in place awkwardly, and I make sure to encourage him by squeezing his hip or kissing his cheek every now and then while I dive into the music.

During one of my favorite songs, "We don't believe what's on TV," I take Louis' hand, and sway back and forth with him. He places a hand on the arch of my back and I close my eyes, completely satisfied with life. 

I don't think I've ever felt more grateful before. I'm here, listening to my favorite band perform live, with my best friend in the world - nothing could be better. Nothing.

Sighing, I open my eyes and look deep into Louis' sapphire irises as I sing the chorus.

"I need to know

That when I fail you'll still be here

'Cause if you stick around, I'll sing you pretty sounds

And we'll make money selling your hair"

I tussle Louis' hair with my fingers and he laughs, grabbing me by the cheeks and kissing me softly. I kiss him back and then return my attention to the drummer, Josh, who is now doing a back flip on stage. But as the crowd cheers him on, I can't help but look at Louis, the man who has always entertained me the most. My best friend. The love of my life.

A/n: this is a super emotional chapter to write, as it reminds me of some of the tensions and downfalls of our relationship. I'm also in an emotional place because I just saw Liam and harry this week and am still in shock by how beautiful and kind they were-not to mention how amazing the fans I met were as well. I love this fandom so much :) thank you all for reading 

ALSO - you guys have requested photos and videos from the shows that I saw. I can't do videos on here (you can only link to youtube and I don't have a youtube channel) but I will put photos in the next chapter. Promise!

PS - any twenty one pilots fans in the house? I saw them twice live and I am IN LOVE. This is mostly based on real life (I'm Harry and my bf is Lou). So yes, I am obsessed with them. And yes, there were really were nothing but kids at their concert.


	33. Crying

Harry's POV

Warning: this is a super duper emotional chapter. this really happened to me IRL (i'm harry) so it was hard to write about and really upsets me. but let's just get on with it.

"Hey, babe," Louis says as we get back to his aunt's house. She's out of town, and the concert venue was only a 10 minute ride from her house, whereas it would have taken two hours to get back to mine.

"What?" I ask, removing my shirt and jeans. I plop onto the bed, wrapping myself in the covers.

Louis takes of his clothes too and lies next to me. "I had a good time."

"Me too," I reply, eyeing him warily. His lips are telling me he had a good time, but his eyes say otherwise. "Is... is something wrong?"

Louis squirms a bit and looks away, readjusting his glasses. "No, I'm fine."

"Babe," I say, sitting up in the bed. "You're worrying me. What's wrong?"

Louis sighs and brings his knees to his chest. "I just... I know we talked about it and I said I was fine with Spain. And I am. But it got me thinking about this whole relationship. Like all of it... and there's the 6 months of distance and you constantly inviting me to family events and asking about the future.... and it's just, it's too much."

Oh my god.

"W-what?" I stammer. "I'm sorry, I can try to work on that... I thought we talked about this. I asked you if things were fine.... I know you've been quiet lately, is this why?"

Louis bites his lips, not daring to meet my gaze. "Yeah, kinda... It's just, I don't know Harry, I love you so much but I think we want different things...."

He isn't. Tell me he isn't.

"It's not you it's me...." Louis continues, quickly making eye contact through his peripheral vision.

"You did not just say that," I choke as a lump begins to form in the back of my throat. "Are you... Louis, are you breaking up with me?"

We meet eyes fully for the first time since this conversation began, and I can see that he's crying. His eyes are red and tears are collecting on his cheeks.

He's crying... but does he know badly I'm crying on the inside?

"I -- I don't know," he stammers. "I don't want to, but I think we should."

In that instant, my heart begins beating like a drum and I whirl around, rushing away from him and sitting on the edge of the bed.

I feel many things right now - hurt, devastated, crushed. But even more importantly, STUPID. Stupid for thinking this would ever work out. Stupid for not putting the pieces together. Stupid for not seeing it coming.

"Harry, talk to me," Louis says. I feel his hand on my shoulder and I rip my arm away from his reach, staring at him in disgust. "Don't... fucking.... touch me."

Louis backs up and throws his hands in the air. "I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do right now."

He doesn't know what to do? Well then how the fuck am I supposed to know what to do either?

Just minutes ago, I was just having the time of my life at the concert - things were going so well, Louis told me he loved me about six times throughout the night. But now he's doing... THIS.

"Just, get away from me," I shout. I'm sobbing now, loudly, uncontrollably. My shoulders are shaking and low, deep moans escape my lips. They're not in pleasure this time, though - they're in agony. Unapologetic pain.

I sit there and sob. And sob and sob. I don't think I've ever cried this hard before. After a while, my face starts to feel numb and my eyes burn, but I keep on sobbing. I can't stop.

Louis is still crying too, in the opposite corner of the bed, and I sit in my corner, letting snot dribble down my nose and curling up into fetal position. I don't even care how pathetic I look. It doesn't matter. That's what I keep telling him every time he tries to touch me, look at me, talk to me.

"I don't fucking care!" I scream. "I don't care."

The tears are flooding my eyes, clouding my vision. I can't see anymore, I can't even think. All I can do is feel the pain flowing through my body. The pain of a million fucking lies - all of those I love you's that clearly never meant ANYTHING. All those cuddles, all those kisses, those dance parties... None of it will ever happen again. Because Louis stopped loving me. Because I'm unlovable.

I've always been unlovable, haven't I? I'm a fool for fucking thinking I wasn't.

After what feels like eternities, I can't cry anymore. My body won't allow It. I go to moan, but it's soundless. I wipe my eyes, but they're tearless. So I sit up, staring at my hands, which still look blurry from the tears.

I know what I need to do now - I can't stay here. I have to leave, I have to go home. But it will take at least 2 hours to get back, probably even longer since the trains stop running soon and I'll have to Uber.

I check Uber on my phone. Surge price. 60$ for a 20 minute ride. Absolutely not... So I guess I'm stuck here.

As I continue to scroll through my phone, I notice Niall texted me a while ago. Niall. Thank god. If I can count on anyone right now, it's him.

It's 2am, though, and I have no idea if he'll be up. I send him a quick text to find out.

Harry: hey can I call you?

Harry: It's an emergency. Louis broke up with me just now.

Niall answers back almost instantly saying yes - in retrospect, I realize it's because it's 8am in Ireland, where he's staying for the winter - and I don't hesitate to dial.

"He... he fucking dumped me," I wail, rushing outside of Louis' room and into the bathroom so I can have some privacy.

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Are you okay?" Niall asks in a hushed tone. "What happened?"

"We went to the concert and had a great time and he said I love you a million times," I sniffle. "Then we get back here and he seems off. I ask what's wrong, and he won't tell me. Then out of nowhere, he's saying how this whole relationship is too much for him, we want different things, it's not you it's me.... it was all a lie Niall. All a god damn fucking lie."

"Oh my gosh, that's awful, Harry," Niall says. "I'm so, so sorry. What happened after that?"

"Well, I asked if we were breaking up and he said he doesn't want to but thinks we should. Which is a YES. And I told him not to touch me, and to get away from me. We both just cried for ages and then I called you," I explain, my hands still shaking from emotion.

"Alright, alright. Where are you? His place or yours?" Niall asks.

"His, and I can't leave. Trains shut down," I say. I pause and look at my face in the mirror. My entire face is cherry red, and my nose is a shade darker than that. Tiny red dots trace the bottoms of my eyes, marking where blood vessels have burst, and my mouth is red from biting my lips and tongue too many times.

"I just feel so stupid," I cry. "I want to fucking die right now."

"Okay, Haz, please calm down, for me, yeah?" Niall coos. "It's gonna be okay."

"I can't calm down," I huff, shaking my head, though Niall can't see me. "I can't, I want to leave but I can't."

"Well, maybe don't leave," Niall suggests.l "Maybe you should stay with him. He seems upset too."

"I'm not going to hold him. He's the one who did this to us," I growl. My fists begin to clench just thinking about him.

"Shhh. Harry, trust me. Just stay with him in bed tonight. Just hold him," Niall tells me.

"Okay," I reply, taking a deep breath. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Harry, it'll make it better," Niall tells me. "He still loves you, and you still love him. It'll be okay."

"Ok... I hope you're right. I hope... Thanks Niall. Thank you so much," I reply.

"No worries," Niall says. "Feel better, yeah?"

"Yeah," I say. "Goodnight - or um, morning."

"Night, Harry," Niall replies.

After I hang up my phone call with Niall, I wash my face in cold water and return to the bedroom. Louis is no longer in the bed, but instead pacing about the room, frantically.

"W-what are you doing?" I ask. My voice is hoarse and it burns to talk.

"I'm calling Liam. You called a friend about what to do, so I figured I would call one..." he begins, rubbing his face nervously. "But um, he didn't pick up.

"Okay," I say, sitting down on the bed.

Louis sits down next to me but doesn't say anything. 

 

We sit there for a while in silence. It used to be a comfortable silence with Louis. But now it's torturous.

Because all this time we were together - this past year - I always felt like he was a stable part of my life. That he would always be here. Maybe not forever, but for a while. I was so sure of him - so sure of us.

But now I'm not. Now I can't be.

"I'm so sorry," Louis finally says, breaking the silence. "I still love you so much, I don't want to do this."

In my head I'm screaming: Well we don't fucking have to!!! And since when do you get to decide if we stay together or not?

Instead, I take a deep breath and nod, sprawling my legs out on the bed and sliding on.

Louis continues to cry and I pull his shoulder gently, coaxing him into the bed next to me.

My hands are trembling and I'm still teary-eyed, but I do what Niall said. I hold him. I wrap my arms around him and pull him close to me, rubbing his back gently.

"It's okay," I whisper. I keep on rubbing his back, and I feel him begin to loosen up, relaxing beneath my grip.

I'm not sure how long I rub his back for, but eventually his eyes begin to close, and then so do mine. And we fall asleep like that, with me holding louis, and Louis' hands coiled tightly around my fingers.

A/N: omfg so emotional. I am so sorry about how sad this was:(


	34. Responding

Louis' POV

When we wake up in the morning, I'm surprised to find Harry still there, holding me. After everything I had done - it was a miracle he hadn't left.

"Hey," Harry says, meeting eyes with me as I sit upright.

"Hey," I reply, stroking his back. "I um.... I'm so sorry. I got so scared. Things were moving so fast... and I just panicked. Harry, I love you so fucking much and I can't lose you. I'm so, so sorry."

Harry sits up next to me, stretching a bit and bringing his knees to his chest. His eyes are red and puffy and his hair is matted. He looks a mess- he looks a mess because of me.

"You broke my heart," he finally says, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "I thought you didn't love me anymore... you said it was over...."

"I'm so sorry. I do you love, though," I say. I peer into his emerald eyes and hold back tears. "I never stopped loving you... I was being selfish, Harry. I want to stay together. I do."

Harry sighs, and places his chin on his knees, frowning. "How do I know this won't happen again... maybe we should just end things now after all... I can't get hurt again... I leave for Spain tomorrow and..."

"Harry!" I say, leaning towards him and cupping his jaw in my hands. "Harry, please. Please, let's not end it. It won't happen again. I said I'm sorry - I'm so so sorry and I know I can never make it up to you. I know it caused you so much pain, but baby, I need you."

Harry sighs and nods, biting his lip. "I need you too. But I feel sick to my stomach right now, Louis. You don't know what you just put me through..."

He takes a deep breath and stands up, pulling on his clothes.

"I fucked up so badly," I say. I know I'm just digging my grave deeper, but I have to try. What I did was so wildly wrong, so completely absurd.

I could never break up with Harry- I could never. But things were just getting so serious, and I've never had serious before. I never had stability. I always just went from one guy to the next, not really ever trusting anyone. I've never opened myself so deeply up to someone in my life. And now Harry was talking about future plans and his family events and I just couldn't handle it.

I was scared. I was scared to think I might lose him by doing something stupid. Or that we might keep on dating only to find we were never meant to be. I'm scared to have things end with slamming doors and daily arguments just like it did with my parents.... I'm scared of all of it.

But sometimes, to grow, you have to be scared. You have to be brave and push through and meet your fear head on. And I'm 24 now, I have to stop running from commitment. Just because it didn't work out for my parents, doesn't mean it won't work out between me and Harry.

He's starting to leave now, packing up his bag to go. But he can't go yet. I have to tell him, I have to explain.

"Babe," I say, grabbing his arm gently. "I love you so much and I just got so scared. I felt pressured and I kept thinking of my parents and how it didn't work out and I projected that onto us and I just... I wanted to end it before we started fighting and hating each other. But I realized we are not my parents... it doesn't have to be like that. I shouldn't sabotage what we have..."

Harry nods, and inhales quickly, rubbing his eyes. "I believe you, Lou. I understand. I'm just hurt and upset."

"OK. But... you leave for Spain tomorrow, so, where do we stand?" I ask hurriedly.

"I... fuck, babe. I want to be with you. I just need to know that you want to be with me. For real," Harry says, strapping his bag around his arm.

"I do. I promise you I do," I say, kissing his cheek.

Harry embraces the kiss but then pulls away. His eyes are wet, and I wonder if he ever truly stopped crying. If either of us did, really.

"Okay. Then we'll stay together," Harry finally says. "I just... need a bit of time before I can trust you 100%. I'm really... I'm not okay right now..."

"Alright. Alright, yeah," I breathe. "Can I, um, kiss you goodbye. I won't see you until June."

Harry nods and I lean on my tip toes to reach his mouth. He throws his bag down, and scoops me up instead, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist.

We kiss slowly and passionately, but I can tell Harry is holding back. His tongue moves nervously through my mouth and he pulls it out, opting for a lighter kiss instead.

All I can think to myself is: What have I done? He doesn't trust me now.... he might not ever.

"I have to go catch my train home," Harry finally says after we pull away. "But I love you and I'm going to miss you."

"I love you so, so much too, Harry. You're going to have an incredible time, and don't forget to text me as soon as you land safely!" I say, squeezing his shoulders.

Harry nods and heads for the door. Before he leaves, he shoots me one more dorky smile. But rather than joy, I can see pain behind his eyes. It's not the same.

Harry's POV

I cry on the train ride home. I hate crying in general, but crying in public has to be the most mortifying experience ever. At first, I tried to hold it back. But then a romantic song come on and I lost it, sobbing into my hands like a small child who misses their mum.

All I can think is: How could he do this to me? How, how?

I'm supposed to be going to Spain, having the time of my life. I asked Louis a million times if he was okay with it. If he wanted to stay together or not. And he always told me yes, yes, yes. I want to stay with you.

But now I'm sitting here, with my stomach aching from crying so hard, and I'm wondering if my boyfriend even wants me around. If he's going to ditch me the minute I land in Madrid. If any of it was even real.

What would have happened if I hadn't stayed the night last night? What if I slept on the couch instead of holding him like Niall told me to? Would we still be together, or would we be broken up?

It's not fair how Louis gets to decide if we stay together or not. I always used to joke that he would leave me first. Deep down, I hoped I would never be right.

But I was.

Now, as I sit in the train car with my legs folded up in front of me, sobbing into the sleeves of my jumper, all I want to do is go home and bury myself in my bed.

Unfortunately, I have packing to do, tickets to print, and directions to look up. I spent so much time hanging out with Louis this winter break, that I hardly prepared myself for my trip to Spain, and my Spanish is more than rusty right now.

Fuck.

Maybe that's what I need to do right now - focus on the trip to get my mind of Louis. Louis. Just thinking about him is enough to upset me. Perhaps this trip is exactly what I need. Some real distance to clear my mind and figure out what I really want.

When I finally get home about an hour later, I distract myself with the difficult task of trying to fit my abundance of clothes and shoes into one oversized suitcase. I end up epically failing and having to put half my wardrobe back. Oh well, I can always buy more clothes in Spain.

I play music - non romantic stuff this time - and zone out to the beat as I shove folded wads of clothes into the suitcase.

It's not until dinnertime until I check my phone, only to find an abundance of texts from Louis.

Louis: hey baby. I miss you already.

Louis: You're my best friend and I miss you so much

Louis: I'm so proud of you. You'll do great in Spain.

I resist the urge to vomit, and instead collapse on my bed crying.

Why is the very person who once made me so happy the same one who is now making me so incredibly sad?

How can he just send that stuff like nothing ever happened? How can he just forget?

As I lie on my bed, I grip the blankets and feel my despair transform into anger. I am so FUCKING angry at Louis for doing this. For thinking he calls the shots here.

What if I wanted to dump him?

I can't though. I know I never could... ever. I've never been the one to walk away from a relationship. I've only ever been the one who gets left behind. And honestly, that's all I know. I have such bad abandonment issues that I couldn't even leave someone if I tried. And trust me I've tried.... but a part of me can never let go. And that part always ends up being the strongest.

Sighing, I pick up the phone and text Louis back. I would love to destroy my room and my suitcase and everything in the apartment, but a passive aggressive text message will have to suffice.

Harry: miss you too

Harry: if you wanted me to have fun in Spain though, you wouldn't have pulled this the day before I left

Harry: I feel like shit and can't stop crying

Groaning, I toss my phone down onto the bed and shove it under the pillow. I hear it vibrate, but I don't want to deal with Louis now. I don't want to deal with anyone.

Suddenly, my stomach begins to roar with hunger. I haven't eaten a single bite all day. I had no appetite from crying so much. But now the hunger hits me like a truck, and I head to the kitchen to make chocolate chip pancakes.

Halfway through the process of making the pancakes, I start sobbing at the stove. At first, I have no idea why, but then I remember that it's our food. Louis' and mine. I always make us chocolate chip pancakes for dinner when I'm feeling too lazy to go out and too cheap for takeout.

I won't get to make pancakes for him for another six months. Six fucking months. That is, if we even stay together at all. Which at this rate, I'm not sure we will.

I feel anger and disgust build up in my chest and retrieve my phone to text Niall, ignoring Louis' text in the process. It was probably just another useless 'I'm sorry' that I don't want to hear.

Harry: Hey mate. Thank you so, so much for your help yesterday. You were right, I held him and we didn't break, we stayed together. But I can't stop crying now - he hugged me and promised we will stay together while I'm in Spain... but I can't trust him after what he did

Harry: I just feel so BETRAYED. Like how could he do this to me? I was already going to cry and be upset that I had to leave him behind for six months. But now, knowing that he just tried to dump me... I'm in pieces.

Niall starts typing immediately, probably with some uplifting words of wisdom like he always does. But my pancakes are ready now, and I sit down and eat them at the dining table - the one where Louis and I used to eat in our underwear - letting out soft sobs between each bite.

A/n: poor harold he is destroyed emotionally.


	35. Flying

Hello readers! Thanks so much for making it this far :D I promise this is a happy story. I am a sucker for happy endings. But they go through some ups and downs and it's tough on both of them. Don't worry, though. Just trust me and have faith it'll work out.

Harry's POV

"So have you ever been to Spain before?"

Emma, one of my classmates who is also going to study in Spain, asks me the question for the second time.

Propping my feet up on my suitcase, I shake my head. "No, haven't. You?"

"I've been twice. I went to the Vasque country!" she says excitedly.

"Nice, how was it?" I reply.

I let her babble for a bit about her experience. She says something about how she went there in high school and then went back with her family, but I'm not paying attention. Social interaction usually distracts me, but I'm feeling so down from last night that it's hard for me to even get words our right now.

"Awesome," I say, when she's finished. "I hope Granada is just as nice."

"It should be!" Emma says with a smile. She has brown curly hair like me, and bright blue eyes. I vaguely recognize her from a class I took two years ago. "So do you know where Ian is?"

"Ian?" I question.

"The other dude coming with us on this flight," she clarifies. "He goes to Columbia."

"Oh, um, no. We can look for him though. You have his Facebook?" I ask.

Emma pulls up Ian's Facebook, and it's not too long before we spot him a few rows away from us. Emma has no problem walking up to him and introducing herself, and Ian smiles, standing up to follow her. He takes a seat next to me and my heart flutters a bit.

Ian is so gorgeous. He has silky blonde hair of a medium length and bright blue eyes, not to mention a bit of sexy stubble forming on his chin.

"Hey, I'm Harry," I say, shaking his hand.

"Ian," he replies. "Excited for Spain?"

"Yeah! It should be dope," I say with a smile. Emma gives me a strange look, perhaps wondering where all of this extra energy is coming from. The truth is, I find Ian absolutely gorgeous... maybe even more gorgeous than.... no...

He's not more gorgeous than Louis. Sure, he's taller and more muscular and svelte, but he's not Louis. No one is. And I love Louis, don't I?

Suddenly, I feel a wave of nausea wash over me and excuse myself to go to the food court. I skipped breakfast this morning and it always makes me feel a bit woozy.

But the real reason I feel sick is not because of hunger. It's because of how complicated my feelings are. How fucked up my relationship is. Louis hurt me, so now I want to hurt to him by checking out this other guy.

I would never really do anything with him, though. Ian looks straight anyways. But it doesn't hurt to look, right?

Or Does it?

As I get on line at one of the cafes, I open my phone to check my messages, trying to take my mind off the current dilemma.

Louis: How's my baby doing? <3 Are you excited?

Louis: Miss you so much already!

Louis: Have a safe flight, my little lion cub!

I sigh and send Louis a couple of heart emojis and a selfie of me at the airport. But it doesn't feel right. He never made this much effort before. He usually texts me once a day, if at all. Now, he's showering me with messages. It doesn't make sense.

Or maybe it does.

I know what he's doing. He's trying to make up for last night. He wants me to forget. But doesn't he understand that I never will? That night will be scarred in my memory for the rest of eternity. He cannot undo the damage, no matter how hard he tries.

A little while later, I get my sandwich and a water bottle and head back over to Ian and Emma. Ian is now talking about his girlfriend, and my heart deflates a little. I shouldn't have been looking there anyways.

"Wow, that's great your girlfriend is gonna visit you!" Emma gushes. "But wait, I think they just called our flight."

I look up at the sign and she's right. They just announced the gate for the Madrid flight, and now everyone is rushing like a mad man to get over there. I grab my suitcase, nearly dropping my sandwich in the process, and follow my new friends to gate 32.

Pretty soon, our passports have been checked and we're all securely on the plane, though we're all sitting in different sections. We exchange numbers and arrange to meet in Madrid for our connecting flight to Granada. Then, we head to our seats and prepare ourselves for the flight.

I downloaded a bunch of music on my phone for the very purpose of this flight, and I've also brought a book with me. It's about Twitter and it's written in the format of Tweets. Published in 2012. I also have a People magazine. Neither of them really seem appealing, but it was all I found in my apartment so it will have to do.

For the first hour of the flight, I read the book and listen to music. It's only 8pm American time, so I'm not sleepy, but I notice people around me using the blankets and lying back in their chairs.

Time seems to be passing extremely slowly, and eventually I ditch my book and turn on a movie. "Mike and Dave Need wedding dates" - a comedy film starring Zac Efron and one of the guys from Workaholics. It's a shitty movie, but it's funny and has me audibly laughing by the end, much to my neighbor's dismay.

It's not until hour four that I run out of things to do. I can't sleep, even despite the sleeping pill I took, and now I'm just sitting there, alone with my thoughts.

Wonderful.

The tears start to flow much more quickly than I expect them to. I can't stop them, and I don't even try to because I know it's no use.

Instead, I pull up my hoodie and blot my tears away. Then I take out my phone, and Do the one thing u know can help me process this: write.

(A/n: so this is actually a legit journal entry I wrote. all i did was change the name to Louis)

"It's 11:07 pm and I'm on the plane to Madrid. I'm trying to sleep but I can't stop thinking about Louis and I can't stop crying.

 

I thought it was okay because I woke up okay this morning. But I'm not. Because the minute I put my book down and closed my eyes and was alone with nothing but my thoughts, I broke down.

 

This isn't okay. He wanted to leave me. He thinks we're moving too fast. He's not in this for the long haul. And prolonging this is just gonna hurt me. I know this. I know this so well but I just didn't want to believe it. I still don't.

I don't know when, but somewhere along the line, something changed. Louis no longer looked forward to seeing me anymore. No longer answered my texts as quickly. No longer expressed the same excitement I did when we made plans for dates. Dating me became more and more of a chore. He texted less, cancelled plans more, and refused to see me on multiple occasions.

 

But I was in denial. I didn't want to believe it. He told me he was busy and stressed and trying to get his life together. So I believed it. And I tried to help. I tried so, so hard to help. I was there every step of the way during the worst year of his life when he was stressed with summer class and his injury and hardly had time for me. I never left his side, even though most other people would have.

 

I was there the whole time and I'm still here because I love him. I thought he was the love of my life, but after hearing him say those words last night, my opinion of him is altered forever. He might have been the love of my life, but I was never his. His plans went from long term to medium term to short term. Things just weren't the same anymore. He pulled back, he stepped away. He told me my family was freaking him out by inviting him to so many events. He said he felt forced to go to them when he never was.

 

Sitting here and reflecting on it, it all makes sense now. Louis fell out of love me. He stopped looking at me the same I way I was looking at him. And when he told me he no longer wanted to break up and that I was perfect for him and he still loved me, I should have known better than to believe him. It will happen again. He's not in this with me anymore. He wasn't "just scared." He knew what he was doing. He had a gut instinct to leave me forever. And that's not something that just goes away.

 

We used to have plans to do big things. Louis wanted to get me a puppy and take me to Germany to meet his parents and spend the summer together . But now I know better than to actually believe any of that.

 

I used to be the pessimist of the pair. Whenever Louis mentioned any of these big dreams he had for us, I would say "if we make it that far" or "not if you break up with me first." And he would always comfort me by replying "I'm never going to break up with you." To which I would reply: "yes you are."

 

The only reason I ever said those negative things and told myself it would never happen is because I didn't want to be disappointed later on. But deep down, I really, really hoped he would be right. And that they would actually happen.

 

Too bad I didn't know how right my negative forebodings would soon be.

 

I'm crying as I write this. But I guess it also feels good and a little cathartic to finally come to terms with this. Because I wasn't able to see it last night. But I see it now. And I'm so hurt. I'm in so much pain. But I suppose I'll get through it, and move on one day. I just wish I didn't have to."

 

When I'm finished, I put down my phone and unwrap my blanket, pulling the soft fleece up to my chin. I try to sleep but I can't. So I just lay there, with my eyes closed, letting the tears fall.

I think back to his text earlier in the airport. "Hows' my baby doing? <3 Are you excited?"

He says it like it's nothing. But Does he know how badly he broke me?

A/n: Okay, so I am doing Harry's POV a lot because I am Harry, and I really don't know how my bf felt during all of this. The next chapter will be Louis' POV but the story might be a little more centered on Harry during the Spain part since that was my true experience and Louis wasn't doing much else but lab work. Also, my goal here isn't to make you hate Louis. He fucked up, but it's not entirely his fault. I hope as I show you more of Louis' POV, you can see how sorry he really is.


	36. Adjusting

Louis' POV

I feel like crying when I go to the lab in the morning. It's been three days since Harry left, and he's hardly spoken to me since.

He responded to my texts and let me know he had landed in Spain okay, but didn't give me much information other than that. He says he doesn't have functioning WiFi yet and that he's on a rigorous orientation schedule at the moment.

I'm sure that's true, but I also know that Harry is avoiding me.

"I have to go. Gotta go eat dinner sorry," he said the last time I got a hold of him.

My stomach knitted and I felt my eyes get wet. No I love you, no emojis. Sure, those things seem silly and trivial and I'll be the first to admit that they are.

But Harry's extreme change in communication just proves to me how badly I fucked up. How nothing is the same anymore - nothing ever will be the same.

I've been showering him with love and affection since he left, hoping maybe I could make up for what I did. It truly was the biggest mistake of my life - I can't even imagine what life would be like without my baby.

But I let my selfishness get in the way. I fucked up. And I don't know if I'll forgive myself.

"Hey Li," I say later that day as I arrive home for dinner. "Can we talk?"

Liam is in his room, working on some kind of lab report and chugging coffee. Based on the concentrated expression on his face, he really doesn't seem in the mood to converse with me. But I'm desperate and I can't wait anymore.

"Yeah, can I just finish this?" Liam says without looking up.

"How Long will it take?" I ask quietly.

Liam looks up, connecting eyes with me. "A while. You look like you need to talk now though? Let's go then, yeah?"

My heart starts racing as I realize how nice Liam is being to me. He was never really a great roommate - always sloppy and tricking me into cooking for him. Things only got worse once he got a girlfriend and stopped giving me rides to the grocery store. But he had a good heart, and he did care about me as a friend, at least somewhat - even though I wasn't always his biggest priority.

"So what's up?" Liam asks, taking a seat on the couch. I sit down next to him, folding my hands in my lap.

"So I tried to dump Harry this weekend. The night before he left for Spain. I got so freaked out— and, it was the biggest mistake I ever made," I admit. Tears start to form but I blink them back. I'm tired of crying. I've cried too much already.

"What do you mean you tried to? It didn't work?" Liam asked. His eyebrows knitted together and he frowned.

"I told him I wanted to end it, all the cliche things... like it's not you it's me. Said it was over," I explain, gulping. "But couldn't follow through. We both cried, and he called his friend. I tried to call you - but it was like 2am."

"Oh, yeah, sorry mate. I was out cold," Liam replies.

"No worries," I say, biting my lip. "Anyways. Harry was having a fit, he was sobbing everywhere and wouldn't let me touch him. But whatever his friend said to him - well it changed things. He came back to my room all calm. And he just lay down next to me and held me."

"Wow..." Liam says, blinking. "That's intense. What happened?"

"We woke up, and I told him I was sorry and didn't mean it. I wanted to stay with him, while he was in Spain. He said okay. Hugged me. But he wouldn't look at me the same. He wouldn't talk to me the same... it was like I broke him, Li. I broke harry...."

Liam puts a hand on my shoulder and nods understandingly. "He's probably just in shock, mate. It's okay. You got scared, it's not your fault. But it'll take time before he trusts you again."

"I know," I whimper, this time fully crying. "It's just like - I'm trying to fix it, I'm texting him more and I'm calling more and he's just pushing me away. He just... he hates me Liam, I know it."

"He doesn't hate you," Liam says calmly. "He's just hurt. And you're smothering him, Lou. I know that's what you think is gonna fix this, but he actually probably needs his space."

"I know," I sniffle. "You're right. I just- I feel so helpless. He's all the way in Spain and I can't get to him... I just. Why did I do this Liam? Why do I suck?"

Liam strokes my back, and then hops up and heads to the kitchen. He returns with two beers and some coasters.

"You don't suck. He's in Spain. He's adapting. He's probably scared and feeling weird about your relationship. But I promise, give it time. He will cheer up, Louis. I know it."

I nod, though I don't really believe him. Harry can be one of the most pessimistic people I know if he really puts his mind to it. I remember when he first started talking and he did nothing but talk shit about himself and how crazy he was. What if I'm just sending him right back down the path of negative thinking?

"Okay, let's put on the game," Liam suggests. "I'll get my laptop and finish this report, yeah?"

"Yeah." I nod and head to my room to change into pajamas so I can relax.

When I get back, I throw my feet up on the couch and zone out to the game. At one point, I nearly fall asleep, but then my phone vibrates and I see a message appear.

It's from Harry and it's a photo of him wearing his winter parka standing on a cobblestone street and pointing up at a statue. "Miss you," he types beneath the photo.

I want to grab my phone and bombard him with texts and emojis and gifs. But instead I wait a bit to answer. Liam is right. He does need his space.

Harry's POV

I haven't been able to stop moving since the moment I got to Spain. The study abroad group has two program coordinators and they've been making us do city tours and attend lectures all week long from morning to night.

We've had to have all of our meals together too, which has been a nightmare for me.  
I don't really like the food in Spain. It's mostly fish and ham and cheese and things. Relatively healthy, but not what I'm used to. And trying new foods has always made me nervous.

Today, we're finally done with orientation and get to leave the hotel and move in with our host families. I've been trying to talk to the other kids in the program, but there's so many I can't keep track. I've never done well in group settings anyways. My voice is too low and people talk over me.

"I'm so hype to go to the Alhambra!" this guy Jake announced at dinner.

"Yeah I heard that—" I began, But some girl spoke over me, taking the floor.

"It's going to be beautiful! My cousin went and loved it. Here's a photo," she boomed.

Instantly, I began to slink down in my seat and remained silent for the rest of dinner.

Hopefully, my host family situation will be better. My Spanish is good - but not Great- and I'm already nervous about classes. I took a grammar exam yesterday and did pretty poorly on it. Guess I wasn't as skilled as I thought I was.

Now, as I wait for my host mother, I'm even more nervous than I was before. What if I can't communicate with these people? what if they can't understand my accent? The worries swirl in my head like soft serve ice cream and I try to suppress the stomach ache that's beginning to form in my tummy.

"Harry, ¿cómo estás?" A red headed woman asks, rushing over to me.

"Bien. Encantada," I say quickly, allowing her to kiss my cheek. I can still never understand why Spaniards do that shit. It's a real invasion of privacy.

"Ven conmigo," she commands, ushering me towards the exit. I grab my suitcase and follow her into the taxi, which pulls away seconds after I close the door.

It's not too long before we arrive at the apartment, which sits on the second floor of a tan 4 story building.

As soon as we enter the flat, my host mother, whose name is Carmen, is greeted by a tiny white dog.

"Hola, Chufi," she coos excitedly to the dog. Chufi? That's a pretty weird name for a dog, but I suppose it's a Spanish name. I shrug and try to pet the dog, but he sprints away from me. Lovely.

"Esto es tu cuarto," Carmen says, pointing to the back room. She helps me bring my suitcase inside and then leaves me alone to unpack. That's not so bad then. Just a single woman with her dog. I can handle that.

But a few seconds later there's a knock at the door, and Carmen is pushing someone towards me. A frail, brunette girl with big brown eyes blinks at me, but she doesn't say anything. She's about 20 years of age, if I had to guess.

"Hola... soy Harry. Soy estudiante británico," I say to her. She still doesn't respond, so I look at Carmen for support.

"Esto es Natalia, mi hija," Carmen says, introducing this girl, who is apparently her daughter.

Natalia slowly leans towards me and kisses me cheek. Then she makes a run for it.

I stand there in the doorway, raising an eyebrow at Carmen. But she is already walking away.

Shrugging my shoulders, I continue to unpack my clothes and put them into the drawers of the worn wooden dresser that sits in the side of the tiny room.

When I finish, I connect my laptop and set it to charge, using my handy Spanish adaptors. Then I just sit there, staring at my phone, wondering what the fuck to do next.

My host family is so strange - what was wrong with that girl? Why didn't she say hello? Did I say something wrong? And why didn't the dog like me? Am I weird? My mind races with the possibilities.

There's only one person I know who can calm me down when I get like this - when I'm feeling lonely or crazy or doubting myself. And it's not Niall. It's not Zayn.

It's Louis. It's always been Louis.

A/n: a shorter chapter. Eek so how interesting are these Spain scenes for you? This is all taken from my experience studying abroad in Spain last year! I have tons and tons I can include but I know the focus is Larry so I don't want to put too much.


	37. Reconnecting

A/n: First off I just want to send a biggggggg thank you to everyone who is following this story. It's so true to my real life that it's basically nonfiction, and it's been really difficult to write this - not only because there's a lot to remember but because I have to relive some upsetting events (as well as really great events - so it balances out). Also I have no idea if people care at all about who is writing this but I will give you a little background about me just in case: My name is Sam (Samantha) and my boyfriend's name is John. He's 24 and I'm 21- soon to be 22. This is our story as told through Larry - sometimes with a bit of added fluff. I hope you're enjoying it! 

Also - I almost never go past 30-40 chapters for a story but I think this is gonna be a longer one. I planned to stop a long time ago, but I've been getting so many wonderful comments that I've decided to finish it up until present day- so we still have another year and a half of the relationship to cover. Obviously, I will fast forward a lot, but it's gonna take a bit of time to write up nonetheless. 

Anyways, enough babbling - let's get on with it, yeah?

Harry's POV

I've been in Spain for two weeks now. So far, I've finished my prep courses, gone on a bunch of tours throughout the city, and visited the Alhambra, an ancient castle whose beauty does not compare to anything I've ever seen before. 

On the tours, I try to talk to my peers as much as I can, but like I said before, I'm shy and a bit quirky in big groups. I've tried befriending some of the quieter kids, hoping it would be easier to connect with them. The thing is, some of them are even more shy than I am, and we both just stand there making awkward small talk until things fizzle out. 

Oh, well. Maybe I'll try a new approach on the next trip.

Tomorrow I start my classes at the University of Granada. I'm literally enrolling directly in the university here - and all of the classes will be taught in Spanish. All of them. I'm not sure I'm too prepared for that, especially considering I can hardly follow some of the emails my advisor has been sending me. But my host family keeps telling me how good my Spanish is, and I guess I should just believe them.

When I say host family, though, I mean my host mother, Carmen, as she's the only one in the house who will interact with me. She's not the nicest lady on the block - and she usually talks to me in the form of commands. "Harry, ven a comer!" and "Harry, la ropa limpia!" are her favorite ones - Harry, come eat and Harry, come get your laundry. Other than that, we don't really talk much. 

When we sit down to have lunch - all three of us, Carmen, Natalia, and me - Carmen and Natalia talk to each other like I'm not there. Maybe they think I can't understand what they're saying, but I clearly can. Sometimes, I try to chime in and ask Natalia a few questions to break the ice, but Natalia ignores me as if I never said anything, and Carmen will answer the question for her. 

After a few days of that, I decided Natalia was either really rude or really crazy, and stopped trying to get on her good side. Carmen and I chat sometimes after Natalia leaves the table, and she seems to be able to understand me pretty well. Carmen said I have good pronunciation, which I wholeheartedly disagree with, but I decided to just take the compliment and thank her anyways. 

Tonight, before I go to bed, I decide to Skype Louis and update him on how things are going here in Spain. We've Skyped a few times here and there in the past week, but not for too long. I just didn't have the energy to deal with him, or the desire to look him in the eyes. 

Before I left for Spain, Louis gave me a journal for Christmas with a map of the world on it. I've been using it a ton lately, trying to work out my feelings about him, about Spain, about everything. I feel so overwhelmed lately that I want to cry, and sometimes I do. 

Louis used to be the person I would go to for these kind of issues, especially when it comes to making friends and adjusting to a new environment. He always used to tell me how hard it was adapting when he moved from Germany to the states. I know he understands what I'm going through and can probably help. I'm just too afraid to talk to him about it.

It saddens me how much things have changed in the past few days. Louis went from being my biggest confidant to my biggest anxiety provoker in a matter of seconds. And it's terrifying. When he tried to dump me that night, it triggered something deep within me. I was overcome by a fear I never knew existed and distress began to bubble deep with in me, making me question the realities I once knew. 

I gave Louis my heart, my everything. And he promised me time and time again that he wouldn't leave like all the others. That he loved me back. That he wanted me. Now, he was breaking every promise, going back on every word he ever told me. 

And as I sit here in my tiny room staring at the Skype screen, I wonder: How can I ever trust him again?

"It's gonna take time," Niall had said on the phone the other day when were discussing it. "Don't expect things to go back to normal the very next day."

"I know, Ni," I replied, propping my legs up on my twin bed. My legs are far too long and peeked over the edge by a few inches. "But it's been two weeks, and I don't feel even remotely different. I feel like it just happened yesterday."

"Have you talked to him about it?" Niall questioned. 

"Not since the morning after, no," I admitted. 

"Then that's what you gotta do," Niall said. 

Why was Niall the best advice giver of all time? I swear he should set up a practice somewhere. He'd make a fortune.

I sighed and nodded, even though I was alone in my room and Niall obviously couldn't see me. "Okay, you're right. How are you always right?"

Niall giggled. "I'm not always right. I just know that compassion and communication are the key to a healthy relationship! At least that's what mum always to me."

We both died of laughter at that because I'm pretty sure Niall just made all of that up. But his advice was great nonetheless, and I texted Louis that night to set up a time to Skype. 

As I look at my screen now, I can see that Louis is trying to call me. It's a few minutes later than we planned. 9:03 instead of 9:00. I go to answer it but my stomach starts to clench and a lump forms in my throat. 

Taking a deep breath, I click the button right away, figuring if I don't do it now I never will. I already have tears welling in my eyes, but maybe tonight, we're meant to get vulnerable with each other. 

"Hey, babe," Louis says excitedly. He's wearing a grey beanie that looks absolutely gorgeous on him, and his beard is a bit less thick than usual.

"Hi. Did you shave?" I ask, forcing a smile.

"I did," Louis replies, running a hand through his beard. "So how are you, love?"

"I'm okay," I reply. "Been doing a lot of tours lately. Probably been to every church in the city of Granada so far."

"Ay, that sounds like Spain for you," Louis chuckles. His eyes are bright, but they're not crinkling on the edges like they usually do. Maybe he's hurting too.... just masking the pain like I am.

"Lou, can we, um, talk...." I begin. I feel myself getting hot and remove my sweater, revealing a pink and grey Rolling Stones T-shirt underneath.

"Yeah, baby, what is it?" Louis replies calmly.

I bite my lip. "Well, we never really talked about what happened when we last saw each other. And, I know you've been really, really nice to me lately, texting a ton and sending lots of emojis. I feel like you're kind of trying to make it up to me.... but it just makes me feel worse.... I feel worse...." 

The words rush out of my mouth like a pipe that's burst, and I choke back my tears, taking a moment to recollect myself. 

"I just... sorry...I just feel so weird, like I can't trust you again. Because you told me you loved me and would never leave. And then you do... THAT. It broke my heart, Louis. I was crying on the train ride home, on the plane to Spain. I just can't stop feeling so upset about this.... I don't know what to do.... "

Teardrops collect on the rims of Louis' waterline and he nods. "I understand Harry. I put you through so much pain. I'm so sorry. I know texting you more isn't gonna make up for it - but I thought I would at least try, ya know? I love you so much, and I saw you were pulling away. Didn't want to lose you."

"But you pushed me away!" I nearly shout. Something stirs in the next room and I suddenly remember I'm not alone in my apartment in NYC, but now sharing a house with strangers. Shit.

"You pushed me away," I restate, more quietly this time. "Louis, I'm sorry but this is all your fault."

Louis takes a deep breath and looks down at his desk. I can't tell if the screen has frozen or if he's just being particularly still. Either way, I sit an wait for his response.

"I know, and I take full responsibility. But I told you why I did it, Harry. I told you it was a mistake, it had to do with my personal problems with my parents. Not you - it was never about you. I know it'll take time for you to forgive me, if at all. And I know it triggered your abandonment issues and reminded me of your other partners who wouldn't stay....."

Louis pauses to sneeze, and I can't help but smile. He has the cutest little fucking sneeze - so squeaky and quiet, but also extremely powerful. 

"Sorry. So, I know you think I'm one of them. But I'm not Harry. Whether you believe me or not, that's up to you. But I care about you so much. I love you so much. And I'm glad those people left you because they missed out on the most amazing man in the world. Because they walked away, I got to have you.... I couldn't be more grateful for anything in my life. More proud of anything. Do you know how proud I am of you? Do you know how much I talk about you in the lab? All my co-workers are always asking about you, Liam is always asking about you, even my parents back in Germany. You're all I can talk about Harry... I love you. And I won't stop trying to show you that."

Oh my fucking god. My heart is suddenly racing and I want to cry but no sounds are coming out. I stare at the screen and try to find the words to explain how I feel. But what do I even say to that?

"Listen," Louis continues. "I can tell you I'm sorry a hundred times and it's not gonna do anything. But if you just remember - if you think back to all the times we went ice skating. When we cuddled and watched Netflix. When I met Niall for the first time. When you met Liam - and we got super duper high off our asses. When I met your parents and your dad pulled his gun on me. When I got surgery and we still had sex that same day. When we first met - when I saw that tall gorgeous man standing at the park all nervous. And he hugged me and I felt a million butterflies. Harry, just think. Do you want to lose all that?"

The images of all those beautiful days begin to play in my mind, and I shake my head. "N-no," I manage. "No, I love you Louis. I love you so much."

"Okay, baby," Louis replies. "So just let me know what you need me to do. If you need more space, I'll give you more space. If you want to talk more, we can talk more. I just wanna keep on seeing you, making you happy, tickling you until you smack me in the face. I love you, Harry."

"I think I need.... I don't know what I need, Lou," I admit. "This really helped though. Talking, and I think if we do this a few times a week. Just talk, just open up to each other, then I'll feel a lot better. I'll feel more.... whole."

"Okay. That sounds awesome," Louis says with a smile. "You've got me fucking crying, Styles."

"You got me crying too, Manfred," I reply, rolling my eyes. "Speaking of your weird ass German middle name, I might go to Germany on my spring break. Haven't decided yet."

Louis' eyes light up. "That would be so fun! You should go."

"Don't wanna go alone though," I say, thinking back to my friend situation, which at the moment is non-existent.

"Maybe I can get off that week, I'll see," Louis suggests. 

I don't know why that has my whole body tingling with excitement. I really do want to see Louis again. I really do love him still. I just need a bit more time to heal and work on trusting him again.

"Alright, well, look into it. I'm off to bed," I say with a cheeky smile. "G'night. Love you."

"Love you too, babe," Louis replies shortly before clicking off.


	38. Blaming

Louis' POV

It's Mid March now and Harry has been gone for nearly two months. I miss him like crazy, and I wish I could visit him, but I just got slammed with a new lab schedule where I have to work the night shift six days a week. I don't take classes anymore since I'm working on my research project. All of my coursework consists of the work I do in the lab, and it's starting to become overwhelming. 

My professor and I share a lab with another team, and there's not enough room for the both of us. So they get the lab until eleven. Then, I come in at midnight and work until 8am doing the work. I'm a night owl by nature, so I didn't really think it would be too challenging. But after three weeks of it, I feel like absolute death.

Since I finished physical therapy for my shoulder a few months ago, I've been cleared to go back to the gym to start working out again. I was starting to, before I got the night shift at least. But going back to the gym was a big mistake. While I used to be able to bench 200 pounds easily, I could now barely bench the bar. Even my leg and back strength had weakened significantly, and as I went through the exercises, I felt like my confidence had been hit by a truck. 

I started lifting weights when I was in high school, and it quickly became a huge part of my identity. I made friends at the gym, I took friends to the gym, I used it as a way to hype myself up before a date or calm myself down after a bad exam. Lifting was my life, and as soon as I got injured, that was all taken away from me. 

Honestly, I'm not quite sure how I would have gotten through it without Harry. He's been so supportive of me, even when I wasn't being the best boyfriend. Even when I was being distant and not giving him the support he needed. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive myself for the way I treated Harry. But that doesn't mean I won't stop trying to make it up to him. 

"Haz, I honestly feel like the worst boyfriend," I said over Skype the other day after I told him I couldn't take him to Germany after all. 

"You're not," Harry replied quietly. 

"So you're not mad I can't go to Germany with you?" I asked, biting my lip. I examined his face for the apparent signs of disappointment. Sad eyes, a frown, pouty lips. But Harry didn't have any of those things - he was just staring at me blankly.

"I mean, I would have loved for us to be able to go, but it's okay. I found a group tour that I'm interested in. It goes to Paris and Rome," he said with a big grin.

"That sounds so fun, Haz. You're gonna have a blast if you go on that trip! But you're not mad? You're not disappointed? I feel like all I do is let you down lately," I replied. The guilt was washing over me like a river, drenching me in shame and making me wonder if I even deserved to be with Harry in the first place. 

"You're not, Lou. I feel a lot better about our relationship. You've been really committed to our Skype calls and I think I'm starting to trust you again. Slowly," Harry replied. "Not fully there yet, though."

I frown. Of course he isn't.... of course he's isn't there yet. He used to be there. We both used to be there, trusting each other effortlessly, without a question. Without a doubt. But I ruined all of that with my stupidity, with my selfishness.

"Okay, that's good," I replied. "I love you, Hazzie."

"Love you too, LouBear," Harry giggled, making kissy lips at the screen. 

We hung up a little while later, but the Skype session didn't feel like enough. I couldn't show him how much I cared through a computer screen. I couldn't hug or tickle him... I should have appreciated the time we had together more. 

Today, as I come home from the lab, exhausted and ready to go to sleep. Liam is just leaving the apartment as I enter it, and we stop to chat for a second as he puts on his coat.

"Hey, roomie, I never see you anymore with this night shift!" Liam says with a frown. 

"Night shift sucks," I groan, removing my lab coat. "I'm nocturnal now, basically."

"Oh no. Well we can try to do something maybe on the weekend then," Liam suggests. "How's Harry?"

I purse my lips, running a hand across my stubble. "He's good. Doing well in school, exploring Spain. He's going to Paris and Rome soon, I think."

"Ay, that sounds fun!" Liam says with a grin. "I had a threesome in Paris. It's a lucky city."

"Li," I laugh. "Too much information. But yeah, he'll have fun. I wanted to take him to Germany, like meet up with him there, but I can't get off from the lab. The project needs to be finished on a deadline and we're already behind."

"That sucks," Liam says as he heads out the door. "Well, I'll see ya later, yeah?"

"Later," I reply, jogging down the hallway and to the bathroom. 

Half-asleep, I begin to remove my clothes to take a much needed shower. As I look into the mirror, I lurch back in disgust. It had been a while since I really seriously looked at myself in the mirror, and now I remembered why. 

After my injury, I actually lost a lot of weight. My muscle mass started to vanish once I stopped working out, but in the recent months, especially these past couple of weeks, I had been stress-eating a ton. The night shift only made it worse, as I would be so tired and hungry when I got home that I wouldn't realize what I was eating. 

I went to the gym for a bit at the beginning of the semester, but once my night shifts started I stopped altogether, and now I was putting on weight in the form of fat. Looking into the mirror now, I realized how soft I was getting around the middle. I wasn't fat - but I was getting flabby, and my tummy peaked over my shorts a little. 

This is so bad, I thought to myself. I gotta hit the gym more. 

As the shower steam began to fog up the glass and block my reflection, I started to feel a bit relieved. I didn't really want to look at that anymore. It was just another example of how disappointing of a boyfriend I was. 

I couldn't even take Harry to Germany. The least I could do was stay in shape for him - but clearly I couldn't even do that. 

Harry's POV 

"This is bloody fucking amazing!" I say to Josh as we reach the top of the Eiffel tower. It's day three of my tour and it's absolutely unbelievable. Somehow, more than half of the other students on the tour - who are from Canada, Australia and the US - are friendly and relatively normal. I've made more friends in the past few days than I have during the entirety of my stay at Spain, and I feel high almost as I revel in the beauty of the city with my new friends. 

"It sure is," Josh replies, snapping a photo with his camera. "I'll get one of you, Harry! Go on."

I move to the edge of the railing and put my hands on my hips as I smile wide. "Gotta send it to me," I say. 

Right now, it's Semana Santa, or Easter week in Spain, so I don't have any classes. When I get back from my vacation, all I have left is two weeks of classes and then it's exam period. I'm bloody terrified for my exams because 1) they're all in Spanish and 2) they count for 80% of my grade. 

So far, my classes haven't been too tough. But that's because we haven't been tested yet. I'm able to follow the lessons for the most part, but it's difficult since it's not my first language. Luckily, in one of my classes, there's a bunch of other Brits, and we help each other out when we need it. In the others though, there's nothing but Spanish students, and the occasional French Erasmus student, so I'm left for dead when it comes to getting help in English. 

I've been managing though. Some days are harder than others, but I'm getting my school work done. I'm going on little excursions with the American university students. I'm learning about Spain and it's culture. I bloody love Spanish literature and poetry, so that has been a blast to explore. I've been sending Niall new poems left and right, and I think it's starting to piss him off because he doesn't have the time to read them all. 

"I'm loaded with uni work, mate!" he'll text me. "I'm sure these are great, but I'll have to read them another time."

"Nerd!" I'll type back. Laughing emojis usually follow. 

All in all, I've been enjoying my trip, especially my stay in Paris. Tonight, after we finish at the Eiffel tower, the tour group and I head to a fancy restaurant, where we dine on French cuisine. I'm not really one for snails and all that, but they're actually pretty good if you put a ton of salt on them. 

My favorite dish, though, is the dessert, which is a baby creme brulee with fruit. Fucking delicious. 

"So, who's that?" Angie, one of the other students asks, pointing to my lockscreen as we finish up our desserts. 

"Oh, that's my boyfriend, Louis," I say, blushing a bit. 

"Cute! Can I see?" asks Josh, taking my phone. 

"Yeah, he's um.. back in the states. He goes to school in Chicago. Does biochemical engineering. Really smart lad," I say. My face is growing hot, as it always does when I talk about Louis. But I don't feel sad when I talk about him - I used to during the initial months following the almost-breakup. But now I'm starting to feel a lot better, more secure in the relationship. 

I'm almost ready to give him a second chance and trust him again. Almost.

"Well, he looks adorable," Angie replies. "How'd ya meet?"

"A party," I say - almost too quickly. 

"So, Tinder, you met on Tinder?" Josh replied, raising an eyebrow. 

I burst out laughing, unable to hide it. "Fuck, how'd you know?" 

"Because I met my girlfriend on Tinder too," he laughs. "We always tell people we met at a party. But it's not true."

"Yup," I reply, nodding. "That's what Louis and I do. Maybe we should change the story, make it more elaborate."

"Nah," Angie says shaking her head. "Tinder is so common these days. I know so many couples. The app must really work. You found a great guy!"

"I did, didn't I?" I reply, looking down at my lockscreen again. I trace Louis' face with my eyes, first focusing on his piercing blue eyes, and then working my way down to his irresistible jawline. 

And that's when I realize, there's no one else I've ever felt so strongly about, so compatible with, so loved by. That even when I'm sitting here, thousands of miles and entire ocean away, my heart still belongs to him - only him. No matter what. 

a/n: aww kind of a cheesy ending to the chapter. sorry this chapter was so slow - Harry is in Spain still which is annoying since I know you just want to see them in action together. I'm trying my best to fast forward through the spain trip until the time that Harry comes home (which should happen in the next chapter). Then they will spend the summer together! 

Anyways - England v Colombia game is going on rn. Close close close!


	39. Coming Home

A/n: happy Fourth of July to my fellow Americans :) and congrats on the win to all my English followers Louis posted an adorable selfie on insta today and my heart is full. Z posted a photo of the words "4th July" laid out in blunts and I'm not even sure what to think about that lmao.

Anywho.... it's July 4th and I'm currently at 4K reads (almost!) and I just wanna thank each and every one of you for sticking with me through this story. Especially those who comment and leave me adorable messages about Larry interviews I didn't even know existed (I need to do more research ahhhh). I am so grateful to all of you and appreciate your support :) much much much love. -Sam

Also, on the theme of fours I'm gonna post 4 facts about me... just for shits n giggles. Here we go:

1\. I was a Spanish major in uni so that's why there's a bit of Spanish in this story. Haha. Or should I say: jaja  
2\. I fuckin love British culture - ever since I visited London last year I have been trying to perfect my British accent. I watch British tv shows and I think I'm British secretly   
3\. I am inappropriate as fuck so it's almost expected that i will embarrass u in public if you're my friend   
4\. My bf looks nothing like Louis but he is a fuckin cutie I wish I could post a photo of us but then I wouldn't anonymous anymore and everyone would know my LARRY addiction #sad  
BONUS FACT: my.favorite.sex.position.is.lying.on.my.tummy.getting.railed.from.behind.

Okay. That is me. Now let's get on with this mother fucking story.BITCH. This is a FLUFFY chapter so buckle up and get ready to laugh and say 'aww, harry u are crazy' <3 leggo

Harry's POV

My plane ride home to the states was supposed to be a relaxing one. But of course it was anything but. On my way to Spain in January, the plane had been half empty, but now in June, it's tourist season, and every single seat is occupied. 

Of course I have shit luck and get the middle seat, wedged between a petite woman and a tall man who looks like he knocks down buildings with his fists for a living. Grimacing, I buckle my seatbelt and insert my earbuds, hoping this nine flight goes by as quickly as possible. 

Once again, my sleeping pill does not work. So I decide to spend my time relaxing and watching movies. I passed all of my classes - thank the lord - and I officially only have two more semesters of uni left before I finish my degree. I plan to chill out for the next two weeks until my summer job begins. 

The first movie I choose is an American chick flick. It's good, but not as good the Zac Efron movie I watched on the way to Spain. I put on another movie after that one finishes - it's a Spanish chick flick this time called "No culpes al karma" and it's absolutely hilarious. The movie is full of sexy actors, hilarious scenes, and pretty amazing visual effects. I feel bad for my neighbors when I start laughing out loud, but I can't help it. The movie is bloody amazing. 

Once I get to my fourth movie, I feel like I am going to pass out, but my eyes will simply not stay shut. I'm full of way too much anxiety and I simply cannot seem to ease my mind no matter how hard I try. I realize as a couple appears on screen that the reason I'm probably so nervous is because - oh yeah, I'm FUCKING SEEING LOUIS IN A FEW HOURS. 

Louis and I haven't seen each other in six months, and to say I'm excited would be the understatement of the year. Our relationship has been on the mend since January, and I feel like I can begin to trust him again and let him back in. I've been open with him about the struggles I faced in Spain, the loneliness, the culture shock. He's been open with me about his difficulties with the night shift, not being able to work out, and his body image issues. Things really seem to be looking up. 

But if I'm being completely honest, what I'm looking forward to the most is the SEX. Since we were still together in Spain, I didn't hook up with anyone for the past half a year, and at this point, I'm thoroughly sexually deprived. I can take care of myself - and I have been - but nothing quite beats the sensation of Louis thrusting into me while I lie on my tummy. Or me thrusting into him as I press him against the wall. Fuck. I nearly get hard just thinking about it. 

Time seems to pass extremely slowly though, and I eventually turn on a fifth movie just to stay sane. At one point, the flight attendants passed out food, but it was so disgusting that I ended up eating a candy bar instead, and now my stomach was burning with hunger. 

Eventually, the plane lands and after waiting for about 35 minutes in the aisle, they finally release us into the airport. Louis is waiting for me there with my dad, who moved to New York a few months ago with my mom for his new job. It was funny almost because I went to Europe and they left it. 

I almost feel bad that Louis went to the airport with my dad. I know how much they don't get along. But my dad offered him a ride, and it takes a full hour less to get there via car than it does via the train, so Louis accepted. 

My plane is late as fuck though and my luggage arrives down the chute even later, so Louis must have been spending a hell of a lot of time with my gun-flailing father. 

As I approach the lobby, where Louis had texted me to meet, I bite my lip and hope for the best.

To my complete surprise, I quickly spot the two of them together, holding signs with my name on it. "Welcome home, Harry!" Louis' sign reads. "Harry, we love you!" reads my dads. 

The signs are painted in red, white and blue and I instantly recognize my mother's handwriting. I try not to burst out laughing as I jog towards them. If someone didn't know any better, they would probably assume I was returning home from war.

I run and give my dad a hug first before hugging Louis because if I don't, I'll never hear the end of it. 'What, you don't hug your old man first?' he would complain. 

But as soon as that hug is done and over with, I rush to Louis, who scoops me up in his arms. I'm surprised when he doesn't kiss me, but he points his neck to my dad and I giggle, peppering his face with tiny kisses. 

"I missed you so fucking much," I say. 

That doesn't even begin to describe it. As I hold him in my arms, I remember things I nearly forgot when I was abroad. How wonderful he smells - a mixture of cigarettes and peppermint. How bright those blue eyes of his are. How fucking TINY he is - by god, I tower over him. How sexy his stubble is, and how his jawline was sculpted by the gods themselves. 

"I missed you too," Louis replies, and my heart melts at the sound of his squeaky, high-pitched voice. 

"Aww, baby your hair grew out," I say. As I run my hands through his chestnut locks, I notice that it's much longer in the back, almost hitting the tops of his shoulders. 

"It did, needa haircut," Louis says shyly as we follow my dad out the exit and towards the parking lot. "How was Spain?"

"Spain was good. I passed all my classes," I reply, shaking my hips and doing a little dance as I drag my oversized suitcase along. 

"You look so European," Louis giggles, pointing to my white and blue striped boho blouse. 

"What can I say, I love the culture," I reply in a thick Spanish accent. "By the way, I got a present for you! And you too, dad."

"You better have! I didn't pay all that money for nothing, Harold," my dad jokes. 

We locate the car and I begin to pack my bags into the trunk. Then, I take a seat in the back next to Louis. My dad starts driving and begins to update me on all the (horrendous) politics I missed while I was away.

I pretend to listen as I pull Louis onto my chest, petting his hair and rubbing small circles on his biceps as rests his head on my shoulder. He always gets sleepy in the car.

"You're so strong, sexy," I whisper to him, trying hard to contain how aroused I was.

"Stoppit, I got so fat while you were gone," Louis replies. He meets my eyes and blushes a bit.

"Nonsense," I reply as I stroke his waist gently. I can't even control myself at this point, and I thank god when I look up and notice that my dad is still talking about politics, with his eyes fixed on the road and not on the rearview mirror. 

Louis pushes my hands away, but not before I feel the softness of his tummy, which wasn't there before. I guess he was right. He had gained a bit of weight, but it wasn't much, and I honestly found it adorable. The Louis I first met was obsessed with eating clean and having abs, but that wasn't his priority anymore and that was completely okay. 

Unfortunately, I had the opposite problem as Louis while I was in Spain. Since I didn't have too many friends, I spent a lot of my free time alone at the gym. It got to the point where I was going six or seven days a week. I once went even after a night of drinking, just because I couldn't bare skipping a day. 

I know I struggled with exercise compulsion in the past when I ran track, and I was aware that it was coming back but I just couldn't seem to stop. It didn't help that Carmen fed me extremely small portions. Some days she would offer me a bowl of beans for lunch and nothing more. Or a single piece of chicken. I wanted to tell her it wasn't enough, but I was just too embarrassed. So I started losing weight. 

It wasn't too much weight. Just ten pounds or so, but I noticed. And I started to become obsessed with weighing myself. Unhealthy, I know. But at the time, I felt okay. It wasn't until the end of the semester that my energy levels started dropping, that my lifting started to plateau. I was the most toned and muscular I ever was, but I felt like shit. So now that I'm back in the states, I plan to start eating a lot more and getting a healthier mindset. Even right now, I'm fucking starving. 

Lucky for me, my dad decides to take Louis and I to a barbecue restaurant on the way back to the city. At this point, the fact that I haven't slept in the past 24 hours is starting to hit me, and I begin to feel loopy, laughing uncontrollably as I continue to stroke Louis. 

"What's so funny?" my dad asks, turning around after he parks in the restaurant lot. 

"Nothing," I say. Louis jumps off of me, his cheeks bright red and I shrug innocently. My dad just shakes his head and starts to walk inside. 

"I want ALL THE FOOD," I giggle as I browse through the menu. "Pulled pork. And ribs. And brisket.... we didn't have that in Spain, I mean we did, but it was just rare...."

I babble on about the meat industry in Spain and how I went to a butcher factory where all the ham legs were kept and Louis nods like he knows what I'm talking about. 

"Wow, son. That's interesting," my dad says, adjusting his reading glasses.

Not too long after, the waitress makes her way over to us and asks for our orders. 

"Um, can I just get all the meats?" I ask, delirious. "And corn bread. And coke! America."

She gives me an odd look and writes it all down, swiftly exiting the table. 

"What the hell, Hazza?" Louis chuckles. "Are you okay?"

"Just really, really sleepy. I didn't sleep on the plane. I mean I tried to but my sleeping pill didn't work, and so I just watched one movie and then another and then another. And another. I actually watched five total, so yeah I've been up for 24 hours - 25 actually maybe," I say. "But yeah, I'm gonna stay up so I can eat this because plane food sucks and I am so hungry. Like starving, bro!"

My dad rolls his eyes and then gets up to use the bathroom. Perfect. Louis and I are finally alone. 

Immediately, I grab Louis' face and start kissing him passionately. 

"Slow down," he giggles, smiling as he kisses me back. "We'll be alone later, love."

"And then we can make love," I reply, laughing at my own joke.

"Of course, Hazzie," Louis says. "That's all I wanna do. I'm kind of dying."

He points to his lap, which he's covering up with a napkin and I burst out laughing even harder.

"Ohmygosh," I cackle. "Hilarious."

"It is, isn't it," Louis replies. "Here comes your dad though. Let's just get through this, yeah?"

I nod, and then leave to use the bathroom myself. I've grown so hard myself that I have half a mind to jerk off into the toilet, but I resist the urge and instead make a quick wee before heading back to the table. 

When I arrived, all of my meats are laid out in front of me, with a variety of barbecue sauce. Without even thinking, I start to dig in. It's not until a minute or so later that I realize no one else got there food.

"Sorry," I say, red-faced. 

"It's okay, go ahead," my dad replies. 

I nod and keep on eating, allowing the beautiful taste of American food to once again bless my tongue.

Eventually, all three of us finish our meals, and my dad drives Lou and I back to my flat. I rush to the bed, excited to finally get Louis alone. He leaves for a second to grab some condoms, but when he comes back, he finds me fast asleep, passed out as I hang halfway off the bed. I was fucking tired.


	40. Catching Up

Louis' POV

"I am so sorry Harry," I whimper as I feel myself starting to cum. It's literally been thirty seconds, not even. But I hadn't seen him in six fucking months. What did he expect.

"Don't even, Ugh, worry about it," Harry moaned back. He gripped his own dick and started to collapse onto the bed.

I cum onto his back and then wipe it off with a towel, giggling. "We are so trash!"

"I missed you though, Lou-ee," Harry said sleepily. He was still super jet lagged from his trip despite sleeping for 13 hours last night.

"Missed you too, cutie," I replied. I lied down on the pillow next to him, rolling him so he was positioned on top of me with his head on my chest.

Nothing in the world is more comfortable than this. Sure, the sex is great. The way his ass grips perfectly around my dick has me squealing with pleasure. But feeling his beautiful little head pressed against my chest as I run my hands through his gorgeous locks, that's just pure bliss.

"Your Hair got so much longer, baby," I say, noticing how it's grown at least two more inches, reaching the second vertebrae on his back.

"It did. I didn't wanna get a haircut in Spain," Harry laughed. "Your hair grew too, love."

"I know! A result of pure laziness and nothing more. I've been slaving away at the lab all semester. Finally finished last week, just in time for my baby to come home," I replied as I kissed his forehead. I've done it dozens of times already, but it never stops feeling so good. So natural. So right.

"Aww, I'm glad you finished! How's your shoulder?" Harry asked, tracing the surgical scars with his finger.

"Good, good. I should be working out... it's just the night shift killed my free time. That's why I got so fat," I say, blushing a bit.

"Hey!" Harry says, lifting his head up so that his big green eyes stare into mine. "Don't you ever say that, Lou. You're so hot."

"I know, but I used to have abs. I've gotten more out of shape, and you've only gotten more cut. You're the more fit one now," I admit, a tinge of jealousy hitting me as I eye Harry's newly formed abs.

"Hey," Harry says, raising an eyebrow. "That's actually really messed up, Louis. You shouldn't compare us. Also, I lost weight because my host family didn't feed me and I started to get addicted to the gym because I was so lonely. It wasn't on purpose. I barely had any energy... Lou you know all this."

I nod, understanding. I know how much harry was struggling in Spain. He even started running a bit more again, even though he's not supposed to. We were both worried about his exercise compulsion coming back. I shouldn't have even brought this up.....

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry, baby," I say softly. "That was inappropriate of me to say. I'm sorry. I just feel insecure." 

Harry nodded, but pulled away from me, lying in his side. "It's okay, Lou, but I need you to be more sensitive about stuff like that. That's like really important to me in this relationship. This and my family. So, thanks, by the way for coming with my dad. I know it was tough."

"I'll be more sensitive," I promise him. "And oh, yeah i was wirh him for like three hours. I've never heard so many cop jokes in my life."

Harry snorts. "Jesús. Sounds like pure torture."

"It was!" I laugh. "I mean no offense to your dad. By the way, speaking of parents, my parents are coming to visit the states this summer. They're gonna stay with me and my aunt."

"Oh shit- so I really do get to meet them!" Harry says, a smile spreading across his face.

"You really do, baby. They're so excited to meet you," I say. "They said you're beautiful. My sister was like: 'Louis how did you even get this guy?'"

"Stopppp," Harry giggles. I pull him closer and tickle him under his arm, causing him to nearly sock me in his face.

"Ahhh, so what do You say i take you out on our first real date in six months," I reply, showering his shoulders with kisses.

"I say, that would be perfect," Harry replies. "One question, though?"

"Shoot," i reply.

"Can i go naked?"

We arrive to the restaurant about an hour later, but not before taking a quick shower together. I bit my lip as I lathered the soap onto Harry's chiseled torso, and he didn't hesitate when my hand snaked down to his dick.

"Mmm, baby I already came," Harry said, leaning his head Back under the shower head.

"I know, but I just wanna please you again," I replied. Grabbing onto Harry's hips I began to lower myself until I was able to wrap my mouth around his hard length.

"Ooo, louis," Harry moaned, tugging at my wet strands of hair.

I sucked harder, swiveling my tongue so every inch of him got a bit of attention.

"Mmm, sexy," Harry said, as I clenched my back muscles. I had a naturally strong back, so even when I wasn't working out, my back remained muscular and defined.

"Fuck fuck," Harry started to moan a few minutes later as I cupped his balls. I felt his dick pulsate in my mouth and I suctioned the tip, swallowing down the White sticky liquid as it dripped out. 

"You're incredible," Harry had said with a smile.

But I didn't feel incredible. I felt like no matter how much I pleased harry, no matter how much I loved him, I would always be the one who wanted to walk away. The monster who tried to end it all. And for that I could never forgive myself.

"Mmm, i want all the sushi!" Harry giggled as we reached the sushi buffet a little later. "There was no sushi in Spain."

"Go on then!" I said. A smile spread across my face as I watched Louis jog like an eager puppy to the front of the buffet, scooping random sushi rolls onto his plate without even reading the labels.

"Ahh, It all looks so good," I say as I follow behind him. Harry nods and continues making his way through the buffer, eventually reaching the end and sitting down at a nearby table.

"I love seeing you this happy, cutie," I say, setting my tray down next to him.

The last time I saw him, he had been crying, his face flushed and covered with tears.

I am so glad he's better now. That he still loves me, even if I was awful to him.

"I'm slap happy," Harry giggles. "Still So jet lagged."

"Jet lag sucks," I reply, digging into my sushi. "So how was Spain?"

Harry cocked his head to the side. "I dunno. I told you most it over Skype. It was fun but challenging. The classes are hard AF."

"AF?" I repeat. "Do they say AF in Europe?"

Harry rolls his eyes, unamused. "No, but they do say 'joder'!"

"And that means?"

"Fuck!"

"Harold. Language. There are children."

"Who's a child? You?"

We both end up laughing a little bit more than we should, but I can't help but question if it's genuine or if harry is just too tired to face serious subjects right now.

"I am certainly not a child after what happened in the shower," I whisper, smirking.

"That's true," Harry replies. "I was so sex deprived in Spain!"

"Me too," i groan. "That was the worst. Worth waiting for though."

Harry nods, but doesn't look at me.

"Was It not worth waiting for?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"No.... no It Was. It's just crazy how much I love you.... and how much you love me.... it's a miracle we made it through Spain," he admitted.

"I know. It's really crazy. But I just, i love you too much. Sometimes it scares me," I say, reaching across the table and giving Harry's hand a squeeze.

"Do you ever wonder if... we made a mistake? If we belong together- after what happened?" Harry says quietly, his voice lowering.

I shake my head. "No, no. Not for a second. You're my best friend, Haz. I can't picture my life without you."

"Really?" Harry asks as he stabs another sushi roll with his chopstick. He never did know how to use those things.

"Yeah.... i mean. What do you think?" I ask.

"You're my best friend too, I just.... I missed you so much and I realized I'm always gonna miss you when you're gone and I just.... I couldn't take it Louis. I couldn't handle the distance, and it makes me wonder what's gonna happen... if we're just gonna do distance forever and ever and ever."

"Hey, hey," i say, pulling my chair next to him and stroking his arm. "We're not always gonna do distance forever, baby."

"But You don't want to move in with me ever. You said it yourself, you don't plan for things like that..." Harry protests. His green eyes are welling with tears and I give him an apologetic look.

"I can't promise you were gonna move in together anytime soon, but I do know that I would love for us to do that one day, down the road," I reply. My heart is suddenly beating out of my chest, and I wonder what I'm saying to him.

I really do mean it. I really do want to live with him. Fuck, I would have kids with him if i could. But it's too much, too intense. I don't want to pour my heart out to him.

While Harry was gone, I really reflected on our relationship. I really thought about Harry and his big green eyes and his pouty lips and his long brown hair. His long legs, his perfect torso. His heart - which was way too big - and his smile which could make me smile even when I was feeling my worst.

I thought about his inappropriate jokes, and his crazy dancing. His soft little kisses on my jawline, the way his strong hands gripped my back when he hugged me. I thought about how he had been through so much pain and rejection, but was still so resilient. How hard he worked at uni, how well he treated Niall. I thought about how beautiful he was, inside and out.

And Most importantly, I thought about how he was mine. All mine. I never wanted to lose him. Not now, and not ever. I wanted forever with Harry. Truly forever. I wanted to be with him until we were so old we needed diapers. Until we were riding the automatic seat lift up the stairs. I wanted Harry for as long as I could have him. Infinitely. Without limits.

"R-really? You would would wanna live with me?" Harry asks, blinking back at me.

"Of course," I say, pushing a loose curl out of his face. "I fucking love you Harold. We're gonna be together for ages, I know it. I know that now. I was wrong before."

Harry nods, laughing a little. "I... that's really great because that's what I want too. I just didn't want to come off as clingy. I didn't want to scare you away again."

"You didn't scare me away," I say. "I was stupid and I was wrong. We're amazing together, baby. Perfect."

"Well maybe you're perfect," Harry begins.

"Nooo, you are the perfect one, gorgeous," i say, pulling him in for a hug.

Harry hugs me back, engulfing my tiny torso with his long arms and I sigh, feeling content for the first time in ages.

"Okay now get off me so I can eat my sushi!" Harry whines, giggling as he pulls away from me.

"Okay, silly, go and eat. That eel roll is amazing!" I say as I return to my seat.

Harry stabs the roll, sending a piece of eel flying across the table, and I roll my eyes, expecting nothing less of my uncoordinated little Bambi.

A/n: a little too perfect if you ask me. This is not the end - more drama to come.


End file.
